HOUSE TRASHING BY: DIzzIE Ó2000! What is house trashing? House trashing is the wonderful art of breaking into someone's house and completely trashing it. You shouldn't need a phile on house trashing, as this type of thing should come naturally, but we must remember that there are some "special" people who need all the guidance they can get, so: Materials: Here are some things you should always have with you on house trashing expeditions: -Baseball bat (smashing things) -Axe (chopping things) -Knife (cutting things) -Spray paint (writing on things) -Flashlights (seeing things) -Bottle of nonremovable staining liquid (for spilling on things), such as motor oil, soda, gasoline, cooking oil, melted lard, something along those lines, even dog shit! -Gun (eliminating those who want to stop you) -Gloves (to leave to prints) -Hat (to leave no hairs lying around) -Car (without license plate)/bicycle/fast legs (for fast getaway) Trashing: *First of all, make sure that no one is in the house and won't be coming back for at least two hours. *Cut the power to the house to turn off any possible security alarms and to cause more damage for the residents of the house. There should be metal green or gray boxes around the side or back of the house, they should have cables coming out of them, those are probably the power cables, use your axe here. Sometimes there are cables coming from the "T"-like posts near the house, get those too. *Enter through the back door or back window. *It would help if you know the general layout of the house so you know where everything is, if not, you can use your flashlights to find your way around. *If you have other people with you, everyone can get at least one room to trash, and then you all can trash the remaining ones. *Smash the TV with the baseball bat, as well as the stereo system, as well as all the other electronic equipment. *Pour some motor oil or other staining liquid of choice all over the carpets, beds, furniture, etc… *Use the axe to chop up bookshelves, chairs, tables, etc… *Knock down all the furniture. Knock down the bookshelves and rip all the books. *Use your knife to cut chairs, mattresses, pillows, couches, etc…Spread all the cotton, foam, feathers, etc… throughout the house. *If the walls are really weak use the baseball bat to make nice little holes in them. *Spray paint messages of your choice (the more obscene the better) such as "I fuck dead animals for fun and profit" or "If you think what I did to your house was bad wait till you see what I'm going to do to you" OR if the people in the house have children: "Wait till you see what I'll do to your kid(s)." You can also spray paint pentagrams, crosses, or other evil symbols. *Turn on all the water faucets and clog up the sinks. *If there's a dog in the house you can shoot it, then get some nails and a hammer and nail it to a wall. Nail it by its 4 paws, and spray paint stuff on it. *In the kitchen you can take all the food and splatter it on the ceiling and throughout the house. *Don't set any fires or your masterpiece will be destroyed. *In the bathroom get a couple rolls of toilet paper and spread it throughout the house. *Use the axe to chop any doors to shreds (excluding the front door, because someone may easily spot you). *Take the garbage from the trashcans and spread it throughout the house. *Finally, as you are leaving, the last thing to do is to smash all the glassware (plates, vases, etc…) and to break all the windows. *As you are running out give the mailbox a few swings with your bat. Then hop in your car and get the hell out of there! Remember the four goals of successful house trashing: 1) Leave no incriminating evidence! (Meaning don't jack-off, bleed, shit, piss, loose hair, leave fingerprints, shed skin, etc…anywhere near or in the house. Also don't leave any of your "tools" lying around.) 2) Be as quiet as possible! 3) Get out as fast as possible! 4) MAKE AS MUCH DAMAGE AS POSSIBLE! -have fun kiddies! Email me: xcon0@yahoo.com