FUN AT AMUSEMENT PARKS
BY: DIzzIE ã2001

The techniques described here range from mild shenanigans to life-threatening situations, so, as always: have phun kiddies!

When you are in the amusement park (hopefully you sneaked in by using wire cutters and cutting through the fence in the back of the park) a world of mischievous fun is at your cruddy, sticky fingertips, the only challenge is staying away from the park security officers (commonly referred to as 'fuckheads'). 

*If you need special tickets or a bracelet around your wrist to go on rides, try looking around on the ground and in trashcans and you'll usually find some in decent shape. Also try looking in the area where there are a lot of kiddie rides, as the little ones are more likely to lose theirs there. 

*You know those things you usually have to walk through to get on the ride, like the ones at the subway station, with the bars sticking out horizontally and you have to walk through one, pushing it forward? As you are walking through one, look for a little lever or switch on the side of the base where the bars are sticking out from. As you walk through one pull the level and the bars will be locked. Meaning that no one behind you will be able to push through, this creates quite a commotion, as the employees are often too stupid to figure out why the damn thing's not working. :) 

*When you are riding slow rides such as the log ride, with other people in your log, start rocking back and forth, violently…to the point where the log almost tips over…oops

*Other fun things to do during slow rides (like the tunnel of love ride) include getting up from your little compartment and walking around the scenery on the sides. You can sneak up behind a particularly large object, like a tree, and then jump and give some old person a heart attack. You can also completely trash the scenery, set it on fire, etc…Just make sure to unplug the cameras, usually in the corners, or just spray paint or paintball them. When your compartment passes the scenery, you can just casually toss a burning rag, sense the scenery is usually cheap plastic it'll be ablaze in no time!

*After you get off from a high speed roller coaster, take out a pocket knife and cut through the seat belt about 9/10 or 4/5 of the way, cut at the base, where the seatbelt comes out from the seat or wherever, so the next person wont notice…until it's too late and he's flying through the air…splat. (Make sure to wear gloves so they can't trace anything back to you, and don't stick around the ride, get the fuck out of the park!).

*If you can get within reach of a track of a fast rollercoaster, put a nice big stick or rock in the middle of the tracks….making sure that the stick/rock/other object is big enough so that the rollercoaster car will collide with it and deteriorate off course.

*Leave inconspicuous rusty nails or thumbtacks (pushpins) superglued to the seat of the rollercoaster.

*Smear fresh paint, (spray paint will do nicely) the same color as the seat off the rollercoaster on the rollercoaster seat. If the seat is brown, you're in luck, because after the next person gets off the ride, everyone will think he had a little "accident."

*If the amusement park has a swimming pool, see if you can get into the control room where the pipes and stuff are located, it is usually outside in a painted shack near the pool, then pour all the bottles you see laying around into the pipes. If you're lucky, you'll pour enough chlorine to severely injure many, and at least partially burn a few!

*If the amusement park has one of those large air-filled rubber bouncy domes where little kids can bounce inside, sneak up to the back and either remove the extension leading to the air blower, or just jab the base of the bouncy dome with a knife a couple of times, make sure to make good healthy jabs for maximum air leakage.

*Two simple ways of evacuating the park: 1) call in a bomb threat, yeah, it's that simple! Um, not that I actually ever tried it {cough, cough}. Just make sure to use a payfone. 2) start various fires around the park, ideal locations include: trashcans,  the middle of a crowded park street, during a show with lots of people there, bring smokebombs so more people will notice the fire, and don't hesitate to point it out for them by screaming "FIRE!"

*When an employee isn't looking, or went to fix something, spill your drink onto the control board of the ride, preferably while people are on the ride.

*Eat a couple of burgers and milkshakes, then go on the most nauseating rollercoaster in the park. Once the ride ends and you are getting off, wait until there is a maximum number of people around and then barf! Due to the food you ate, the barfing might come naturally, if not, then inconspicuously stick a finger down your throat, then make sure the barf hits as many people as possible.

*On many rollercoaster rides people usually leave valuables such as wallets, purses, backpacks, shoes, etc… in baskets on the stage of the ride, so that they wont fall out while they're on the ride. All you have to do is make sure that you get off before the person whose purse or wallet you want to steal, and then just confidently take the wallet/purse as if it were yours, and get away from that ride fast. 

*If the amusement park is a Sea World type park, and it has lots of water exhibits where you can pet the water creatures, or even if you can just reach the water, feel free to toss in all sorts of healthy food, like regular shit from the toilet, moldy meat, hamburgers, tequila, etc…The animals love that stuff! 

~TooTles!
For more of my philes, or to just talk about anything, mail me: xcon0@yahoo.com