Welcome to the FIRST "Your Brain on Drugs" Zillafile to be written in FIVE YEARS! Its been a LONG time, and ALOT has happened, but im back, and as twisted as ever! As usual, im starting this file off with the DISCLAIMER. I am absolutely positivly not in any way shape or form responsible with what you do with the contents of this here file. It is meant to be for entertainment and entertainment purposes only. I mean, not that i CARE if you sue me, All that would do is piss me off. Cant sue a broke man. But that aside, now ON TO THE POOP. Topic: How to Rob Houses the Zilla Way! Ok, this isnt as hard as it sounds. As a matter of fact, its surprisingly easy. STUFF YOU NEED: Sweatsuit, Crowbar <2 ft, flat end>, .25 for a phone call, Bolt cutters, latex gloves, and a backpack. What to do: First off, you need to find what you hope will be the "target house" Make a inspection of the front of the house. Is the Front door easily seen from the street? If so, move on. The object here is to get away with it. Does there appear to be anyone home? If not, see if you can find the name of the people living there. Look in the mailbox for a last name. Write down the address and save that info. Keep in mind, that joggers look perfectly in place in a neighborhood, and noone will pay you any attention. Once you have the needed information, your next task is to look in a side widow to see if you see an alarm system. look for a one inch by half inch box in the middle of the window, or motion detectors in the rooms. Proceed to jog back to your car and drive to a local convieniance store with a payphone. Call information and see if you can get a listing for the persons house and call them. If noone answers, Great! Simply superglue the phone so it will not hang up, or cut off the receiver with the bolt cutters, ensuring that the phone will ring away in the victims house. If they have a machine, i reccomend you call three times at least to ensure that noone is home. Next get back in your car and drive to another location near said house. Again, Jog to house, bringing your latex gloves and crowbar . Listen for ringing telephone. If its still ringing, you know noone is there. Knock on the door about 3 or 4 times. If someone is home, ask for burt, and say "oops, wrong house" and leave. If noone answers, its time to do the dirty work! Remove crowbar and use it to pry back the door jamb right by the lock. This is much easyer than you think it is, and allows instant access through the door. If you do it right, the jamb will bend, and no damage will be done. Id like to state at this point, that ABSOLUTELY no and i mean NO weapons should be brought into the house. Being armed is a gaurentee that if someone comes home, you may be shot. Legally, you cannot be shot if you are not armed. Thief or not. Ok, now that your in, put on your latex gloves, and look away. What kind of stuff should you get? Easy. Cash, Jewlry, and SMALL items that can be concealed on you. You arent looking for TV's and stereo's and stuff. Joggers look suspicious when they are carrying a TV. Look for items that have a high value. Look in master bedrooms, living rooms, bathrooms, and studies. Avoid garages, attics, and other mass-storage areas. If its valuble, they wont have it there. CREDIT CARDS: Should you grab them? Hell no. They can trace that. Wil lthey? Who knows? But why take the risk? Its much safer to leave them. If you must grab them and use them, id reccomend using them only to buy gas where you will not be caught or photographed. Those credit card machines by the pumps are a godsend to credit card thieves. Anyway, once you have your stuff , make every effort to hide it well. Also, you dont want to make a mess in the house. Dont eat the food, dont make a mess, dont piss on their lego's. If they come home and dont realize anything has happened, it may be days before they realize they have been burgled. Anyway, hide said loot on your person, leave house, IMMEADIATLY remove latex gloves and place back into pocket, and jog back to your car. Make sure you stop at the first gas station you see to throw the gloves away and put the crowbar in your trunk. THE LOOT: Where do i diss it? Jewlry: Sit on jewlry for at least 2 months. Jewlry is what usually gets house theifs caught, but only because they got rid of it too fast. Jewlry is safe once the heat has worn off. I reccomend selling it to individuals or in the newspaper, you get better money for it. As a last resort go to the pawn shops. But be forewarned, cops look there and you dont get alot of cash there. Cash: Self explanitory. Collectibles : Sell them to a person who knows what they are. Wait at least a month on the rare items. Other stuff to grab: Baseball cards, DRUGS , Hummel figureines, Stuff along that lines. Anyway, for the most part, what to do with the stuff is self explanitory. Oh, also, after you get back to your car, i would recommend that you change your shirt incase you were spotted leaving the house. Cops would be looking for a jogger. They would not be looking for a:your car or someone dressed unlike a jogger in your car. Be smart, and remember, if homeowner atches you, and he is armed. He cant shoot you, and if he does, he had better hope he kills you or else you will be able to successfully SUE him to get the stuff ya were stealing AND some. Hope ya have a good time, dont do anything i Would. Oh, and this file is not to be mutilated, abused, changed, fucked with, or in any way to be adulterated. By penalty of me. Need to reach me? Simple. Call the Sanctuary, (954)791-7423 Ice World headquarters too! *Sysop-Tempus* This has been a "Your Brain On Drugs" Zillafile(tm) Copyright 2-97