File 1/1 By: Xoo "Xoo's Code of Conduct in a Public/Private Place" 1. Go to a fancy restaurant, with waiters dancing and shit. Get 2-3 friends to go with you. Walk in. Be seated. Order the most expensive food you can find. This will cost around 100-200 bucks. Eat the Food (take your time), and pocket all silverware. Cut open the bread they give you and smear the food, drink or whatever you ordered into it. Close the bread, and make sure it looks unused. Complain that your bread is FUQed up, and you want to see the manager. Let the manager give you a replacement bread. Choke on it (PRETEND ONLY), get a few friends to do the Heimlick Manuver on you. Have them escort you out, get in the car and RUN!!!! The restaurant will be so concerned with your not dying that they won't care if you paid or not!!! 2. Go to a cheap department store, such as Bradlees, Caldor, Sterns (NOT MACY's, NORDSTROMS, or expensive stores like it). Make sure you go with a bunch of friends. Walk around, ripping of price tags and throwing them on the floor, and testing the durability of clothing by accidentally ripping them, and throwing clothes, and toys, on the floor. Just Fuq around until you are bored. (If you are REALLY bored look at File #1). The people there can't do shit. At the most, they'll ask you politly to stop. Of course keep doing it, and when they're about to get REALLY pissed, go on to the next store. If they DO yell at you, complain to the manager that you were examining the price tags and they suddenly fell off. Tell the manager that you demand satisfaction, and question why people like the one that yelled at you work at the store. Since its a cheap store, and they rarely get that much money, they will fire the person. After the manager leaves, you can even curse them off, or say, "No one FUCKS WITH (your handle)". Not FUQs, FUCKS. (To Clear things up between FUQ AND FUCK, FUQ actually is a less emotional way of saying 'FUCK', it is also used as an acronym sometimes for Fuck Up Quick) 3. Go to 42nd street. Go to a live peep show, the kind with a girl dancing and you looking through a little hole. Ask the girl to open her ass in the hole, tell her you want a look. Bribe her for a $20. When she does it, unzip your pants and FUQ HER. AND RUN LIKE HELL! This is considered partly rape and partly prostitution. Either way, if she files a claim, she will go to jail too. This is a cheap way (and MUCH SAFER) to get laid than a hooker. 4. Go to your church or whatever, you know that place where you got your Jesus or something. Bring some spray paint with you, get a few of your friends with you. Grafitti up the whole fuqing place, with anti-whatever the fuq you want. See that nun in the corner, take her into the confession booth, and rape her, right in from of that dude sitting there. Take all the chairs and smash them with your Louisiville Slugger. Smash the stash of books or whatever too. If you are really in a fuq-up mood, set the place on fire. I really don't prefer this, cause well i guess religion is just weird, and you never know... 5. Going to a formal party that you DON't want to go to? Crash it. Find some other dude who also doesn't want to be there. Tell him to get all the soda and beer that he can. If they have some hard liquor, like vodka or gin, get that too. Mix the beer and soda in a ratio of 5 to 2. But make it look sorta like soda. Pass out all the mixture stuff to the adults or even the kids that are there. Tell them that the soda is flat or something, if they complain. Get everyone drunk, and then hit someone over the head with a beer bottle. They will think that someone else hit them, cause you ran away 10 minutes ago with your friend, and they all will start having a barfight. Actually, i really wouldn't run away, I would videotape it from a distance, and use it as blackmail, or a way just to fuq people over. People could get killed, or SERIOUSLY drunk, and could become severe alcoholics, and it'll probably take them 48 hours to sober down. Another thing, when taking the beer, take some for yourself, you know for educational reasons only, of course. -Bored at school? Everyone is, that's why you gotta fuq it over.- (Maybe i'll make this into a file by itself, later on) 6. Join the A/V club. Say you gotta take a tv to whatever the fuq room you want. Take the tv outside and put it into your car, do this daily, and if the feds get suspicious, tell them that you don't have a fuq what they're talking about. Don't take the cheap-ass tv's either, take the good shit, and sell them to whoever the fuq wants to buy them, or keep them and smash them. 7. Join the Community Service club. Go to the beach. They'll ask you to pick up trash. Agree to do this. They monitor shit, so while the other sorry asses pick the shit up, throw shit on the ground. And if someone decides to tell on you, threaten them will death, saying you have a gun in your pocket, but really you have a toy cap-gun. Its easier to bring trash in your backpack, than in a big bag. Paper, is the easiest thing to carry, and you can easily carry 400 sheets, and that'll last you a day or two of fun. For an added touch, print anti-community service shit on it. 8.CLASSIC: Pull the fire alarm. Sure, this is old as hell, but it works. This will cause a diversion, to do whatever the fuq you want. Something creative to do would be to change your grades. This does in fact work, but only on the computers that have access to the grades such as the computers in the guidance office. Get one of your friends to pull the alarm, while you hide in the guidance office, get a way to to this, maybe get there by sneaking in, or use air vents. Actually a better way is to set the office on fire, and then pull the fire alarm. This will actually cause the guidance people to evacuate. Type in your name or student id or whatever the fuq it asks. If you don't know it, ask they WILL tell you, or make some bullshit up, like you need it for some medical shit. When your grades come up, look at them, cry or whatever, then figure out how to change them. I can't really write a file on this, because there are so many different types of computers. If you have access to your grades you have a 9 out of 10 chance of access to changing your grades, unless you got a lot of computer geeks at your school, who like fuqing with the computers and shit. To cause some more shit to happen, give everyone you hate F's and even write little comments saying shit about them, like `this student is a homosexual, please don't stare south of the border, or he'll get horny.' If you can't change the grade, save everyone's grade onto a disk to have some proof. If you can't get into the computer altogether, you can either brute- force hack, or smash them with the chair. And set the place on fire. 9. Find the teacher in school that seems to flirt with everyone, you know the one who can't get some, so hits on the students. Flirt with her, even if she is ugly as hell, just do it. After a while, she'll probably want to have sex. (but don't, its just no fun with a teacher) After she takes off her clothes, (you probably might want to laugh like hell, but don't) Tell her to wait in the bathroom, and that you have a surprise for her. Take her purse and money and clothes, and get the FUQ AWAY! She'll wait, and wait, but you are a no-show. Actually, the best place to do this is inside of the school, 'cause this way she comes out naked, and the school can have a good laugh, she'll probably be fired. -End of the school shit- ---Time to get some reeeevenge.--- 10. Invite your friend over. Say you want a water gun fight (after he comes). Fill up your watergun with ether/gasoline, and fill up your friend's with water. Get him covered with gas/ether. You will get wet too, but don't let any water get on him, and make sure no gas comes on you. Tell him you want to take a break, and sit down. After he sits down next to you, get up and make a trail from your friend, to anywhere (close by). For a better effect, stuff him with matches/match books. Light the trail of ether/gas, and he will roast. Take out your other watergun (you should have one, and another one close by with gas/ ether, your friend's watergun has only water * [total of 3 waterguns]) and shoot him with it to keep the flame going. He will be screaming in pain, so make sure no one is nearby (like don't be fuqing stupid and do this in a park) *(This is a little confusing, there are 3 guns total. One (your friends') is filled with water. Two (your's) are filled with gas/ether. You give your friend one, and you take one. Keep the third one aside) 11. Invite your friend over for lunch or make some bullshit up. Order a pizza, and make sure you have it 5 minutes before he arrives. On half of the pizza dump a mixture of Liquid Drano, gasoline, shampoo(clear), nailpolish remover, and Anti-freeze. Have the slices cut, and serve them to your guest. Take the other half, and eat it. After he chokes and dies, take his body and burn it in your fireplace. Take his charred remains, and feed it to your dog, or make it into soup and give it to your local homeless shelter. If the feds ask you what happened, or if you saw him, tell them shit, and don't even let them know he/she was there. ---End of Revenge...--- 12. Go to the beach. You know the place with a lot of dudettes wearing little string bikinis. Find a girl whose lying down, sleeping. Take her bikini, and all her clothes, and towel. Bury them in the sand. Then bury her in the sand. Make sure her head is out, so she doesn't choke on sand. When she wakes up, she'll find herself buried in sand, and she'll stand up thinking a little kids did it. After she stands up, take a picture of her and run... (actually you can take a picture of her after you take her clothes, and she's sleeping, but sometimes the flash gets her eyes open). This works better, when you go as some group trip, or field trip. Or if as a school trip, do it to someone you really hate, don't do it to the pretty girls, or nice girls, cause they are cool, and who knows... (use the pictures as blackmail, or photocopy them, and give them to everyone.) 13. Go to your local public library. Chances are the librarian is sittting in the front of it. Go really far back, where she can't see you and start yelling "Quiet in the library!", Yell it and run to another spot and say it. Do this several times, and carry a book with you, so if she comes by, pretend like you are reading, and they won't suspect you... Why do this pointless bullshit? Cause its just fucking (the snap occured...) funny to watch the librarian get pissed, and start cursing. Maybe if she/he finds out it was you, and kicks you out of the library, you could always knock on the window behind her desk, and annoy her there. She'll go fucking nuts, and maybe even go to one of those psychiatrists, to get her head checked. (-eof-) (C)nXo/loteknologies