Strong Quotes


"We didn't have any room for the 7th floor in the building, so we put
it in the building next door.  So now it has two 7th floors, which is a
very interesting thing to know if you ever go there--which you probably
won't, 'cause the building next door is false."
		- Don Adams as Maxwell Smart in "Get Smart"

"I love deadlines.  I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly
by."
		- Douglas Adams

"Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry."
		- George Ade

"It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them."
		- Alfred Adler

"Any excuse will serve a tyrant."
		- Aesop

"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public
office."
		- Aesop

"I'm not very keen for doves or hawks. I think we need more owls."
		- Senator George Aiken, on the Vietnam war, January
		1966

"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.  If your ideas are any
good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats."
		- Howard Aiken

"A man sometimes devotes his life to a desire which he is not sure will
ever be fulfilled.  Those who laugh at this folly are, after all, no
more than mere spectators of life."
		- Ryunosuke Akutagawa

"Money is the root of all evil, and yet it is such a useful root that
we cannot get on without it any more than we can without potatoes."
		- Louisa May Alcott

"There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of
even one small candle."
		- Robery Alden

"A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on."
		- Fred Allen

"It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it."
		- Henry Allen

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work.  I want to
achieve immortality through not dying."
		- Woody Allen

"Yes, that was Richard Nixon.  He used to be President.  When he left
the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware."
		- Woody Allen, "Sleeper"

"I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it
happens."
		- Woody Allen

"If you steal ideas from one source, that's plagiarism, but if you
steal ideas from more than one source, that's research."
		- Laurendo Almeida, Brazilian guitarist.

"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."
		- Noelie Altito

"Language is the means of getting an idea from my brain into yours
without surgery."
		- Mark Amidon of Elbows

"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid."
		- Amphibious Warfare Review, Spring '89

"Try to look unimportant because the bad guys may be low on ammo."
		- Amphibious Warfare Review, Spring '89

"Paradise is exactly like where you are right now...only much, much
better"
		- L. Anderson

"Andrew no longer exists.  Unsubscribe?"
		- Andrew Messages System

"We don't claim the items here are of any use. If you think they are --
great, but it's up to you to decide. If they don't work -- tough. If
you lose millions of dollars because something here doesn't work --
tough. If you don't like this disclaimer -- tough. We reserve the right
to do the absolute minimum provided by law -- up to and including
nothing. This is basically the same disclaimer that comes with a large
number of software packages but this is in plain English and the rest
are in legalese. We didn't really want to include any disclaimer at all
but our lawyers made us."
		- Disclaimer on Andrew anonymous ftp

"What are you doing?"; "Writing free verse."; "You don't even have to
compile that, do you?"
		- Mark Andy and Elliott Evans

"When your ship comes in, make sure you are willing to unload it."
		- Robert Anthony

"The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed. Our
authority is Isaiah 30:26, 'Moreover, the light of the Moon shall be as
the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be sevenfold, as
the light of seven days.' Thus Heaven receives from the Moon as much
radiation as we do from the Sun, and in addition 7*7 (49) times as much
as the Earth does from the Sun, or 50 times in all. The light we
receive from the Moon is one 1/10,000 of the light we receive from the
Sun, so we can ignore that... The radiation falling on Heaven will heat
it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to the
heat received by radiation, i.e., Heaven loses 50 times as much heat as
the Earth by radiation. Using the Stefan-Boltzmann law for radiation,
(H/E)^4 = 50, where E is the absolute temperature of the earth (-300K),
gives H as 798K (525C). The exact temperature of Hell cannot be
computed... [However] Revelations 21:8 says 'But the fearful, and
unbelieving... shall have their part in the lake whic
		- "Applied Optics" vol. 11, A14, 1972

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like... victory!"
		- Apocalypse Now

"Give, expecting nothing thereof"
		- St. Thomas Aquinas

"On the day of victory no one is tired."
		- Arab proverb

"A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper
cannot be understood."
		- Mark Ardis

"Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core."
		- Hannah Arendt.

"Man by nature wants to know."
		- Aristotle

"The gods are too fond of a joke."
		- Aristotle

"Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents,
for these only gave life, those the art of living well."
		- Aristotle

"It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for
subtlety."
		- Issac Asimov

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the  one  that heralds
the most discoveries, is not "Eureka!"  (I found it!)  but "That's
funny..."
		- Isaac Asimov

"When, however, the lay public rallies round an idea that is denounced
by distinguished but elderly scientists and supports that idea with
great fevor and emotion--the distinguished but elderly scientists are
then, after all, probably right."
		- Isaac Asimov

"I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them."
		- Isaac Asimov

"When someone tells you something defies description, you can be pretty
sure he's going to have a go at it anyway."
		- Clyde B. Aster

"A lady in waiting must learn to wait."
		- John Astin as Gomez, The Addams Family

"The Pimpernel is the most over-rated human being since Judas Iscariot
won the A.D.31 'Best Disciple' competition"
		- Rowan Atkinson in Blackadder

"Never believe anything until it's officially denied."
		- Margaret Atwood

"The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing."
		- Marcus Aurelius

"The danger from computers is not that they will eventually get as
smart as men, but that we will meanwhile agree to meet them halfway."
		- Bernard Avishai

"On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], 'Pray,
Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right
answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of
confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
		- Charles Babbage

"There's nothing remarkable about it.  All one has to do is hit the
right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself."
		- J. S. Bach

"Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an
exact man"
		- Francais Bacon

"Age appears best in four things: old wood to burn, old wine to drink,
old friends to trust, and old authors to read."
		- Francis Bacon

"He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils; for time is
the greatest innovator."
		- Sir Francis Bacon

"Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper
is like trying to play Bach's "St. Matthew Passion" on a ukelele."
		- Bagdikian's Observation

"I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after
the IRS."
		- Robert Bakker, paleontologist

"Behind every great fortune there is a crime."
		- Honroe de Balzac

"Be regular and orderly in your life, that you may be violent and
original in your work."
		- Clive Barker, "Jihad"

"Every crowd has a silver lining."
		- Phineas Taylor Barnum

"For three hundred years flutists tried to play in tune.  Then they
gave up and invented vibrato."
		- George Barrere

"Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless
you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet."
		- Dave Barry

"It may be meaningless, but at least it's a gesture."
		- Dave Barry

"Die?  I should say not, dear fellow.  No Barrymore would allow such a
conventional thing to happen to him."
		- John Barrymore's dying words

"Be suspicious of anything that works perfectly -- it's probably
because two errors are canceling each other out."
		- Dave Bartley

"Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology."
		- R. S. Barton

"Half the work that is done in the world is to make things appear what
they are not."
		- E. R. Beadle

"Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood."
		- Louise Beal

"You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a
reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating
the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for
independence."
		- C.A. Beard

"It's so fast, it can do an infinite loop in thirty seconds."
		- Brian Bechtel of Apple Computer on the Macintosh IIfx

"But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so.  Oh,
let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about."
		- Hilaire Belloc

"A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedence, loyalty, and the
importance of turning around three times before lying down."
		- Robert Benchley

"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is
supposed to be doing at the moment."
		- Robert Benchley

"As for me, except for the occaisional heart attack, I feel as young as
I ever did."
		- Robert Benchley

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
		- John Benfield

"That's the problem with tragedies.  After the first chapter, you know
the dick-ass is gonna die because he's not perfect!"
		- Ed Bennett

"I have made mistakes, but have never made the mistake of claiming I
never made one."
		- James G. Bennet

"It is difficult for me to comprehend the fact that some people
actually do not consider all uses of explosives to be recreational."
		- Ragnar Benson

"People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten."
		- Jon Bentley

"There is only one sin in this world, and you have definately committed
it: It is the Sin of Not Understanding Humor When It Slaps You Upside
The Head."
		- Pete Berger

"There's no need for flames in response to a comment, no matter how
hostile  the comment was delivered."
		- Peter Glen Berger, 3/19/88, andrew.gripes

"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."
		- John Bernal

"The experimenter who does not know what he is looking for will not
understand what he finds."
		- Claude Bernard

"...to raise a signal means to turn the light on; ... Responding to a
signal means turning the light off (and, under System V, hoping the
bulb won't blow when it's next turned on)..."
		- Dan Bernstein

"LZW compression takes under five lines of APL."
		- Dan Bernstein
"The entire description of the world takes only five lines of APL."
		- Mike Waters

"Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum" (I think that I think, therefore I
think that I am.)
		- Ambrose Bierce

"Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think."
		- Ambrose Bierce

"Early one June morning in 1872 I murdered my father- and act which
made a deep impression on me at the time."
		- Ambrose Bierce

"To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice."
		- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

"Admiration, n: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to
ourselves"
		- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

"There are four types of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable,
and praiseworthy."
		- Ambrose Bierce

"The employer generally gets the employees he deserves."
		- Walter Bilbey

"Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius."
		- Josh Billings

"With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud
I try to be a fraud and a half."
		- Otto von Bismark

"As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important
that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much
money. What's important is that you continue to do so."
		- Bizarro

"True, money _can't_ buy happiness, but it isn't happiness I want.
It's money."
		- Bizarro

"Never before have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded
perversity!  Have you ever considered a career in the Church?"
		- Black Adder II

"The Bible doesn't forbid suicide.  It's Catholic directive, intended
to slow down their loss of martyrs."
		- Ellen Blackstone

"The fool sees not the same tree that the wise man sees."
		- William Blake

"Most human problems can be solved by an appropriate charge of high
explosive."
		- Blaster, "Uncommon Valor"

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."
		- Derek Blok

"Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier."
		- Blore's Razor

"The last time somebody said, `I find I can write much better with a
word processor.', I replied, `They used to say the same thing about
drugs.'
		- Roy Blount, Jr.

"If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot
faster with two people digging."
		- Mister Boffo

"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made
in a very narrow field."
		- Niels Bohr

"The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth."
		- Bohr

"Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true."
		- Niels Bohr to a young physicist

"Anything a human being does to a LaRouche follower is justifiable on
the grounds of self-defense. "
		- Kevin Bold

"Stupidity is evil waiting to happen."
		- Clay Bond

"Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public
relations officers."
		- Daniel J. Boorstin

"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree,
is by accident.  That's where we come in; we're computer professionals.
We cause accidents."
		- Nathaniel Borenstein

"If God has made the world a perfect mechanism, He has at least
conceded so much to our imperfect intellect that in order to predict
little parts of it, we need not solve innumerable differential
equations, but can use dice with fair success."
		- Max Born

"There is no substitute for excellence-not even success."
		- Thomas Boswell

"You can neither win nor lose if you don't run the race"
		- Bowie

"The human race likes to give itself airs. One good volcano can produce
more greenhouse gases in a year than the human race has in its entire
history."
		- Ray Bradbury

"Without libraries what have we? We have no past and no future."
		- Ray Bradbury

"If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee
-- that will do them in."
		- Bradley's Bromide

"Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the
steamroller, you're part of the road.....
		- Stuart Brand, "The Media Lab"

"The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men
of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding."
		- Justice Louis D. Brandeis

"Documentation is like sex; when it's good, it's very, very good, and
when it's bad, it's better than nothing"
		- Dick Brandon

"Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers."
		- Leonard Brandwein

"I don't trust him. We're friends."
		- Bertolt Brecht

"Why be a man when you can be a success?"
	- Bertold Brecht

"Grub first, then ethics."
		- Bertolt Brecht

"My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot."
		- Ashleigh Brilliant

"All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power"
		- Ashleigh Brilliant

"I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it."
		- Ashleigh Brilliant

"My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating."
		- Ashleigh Brilliant

"The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!"
		- Ashleigh Brilliant

"Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken
down."
		- Ashleigh Brilliant

"Try to relax and enjoy the crisis."
		- Ashleigh Brilliant

"Sometimes I need what only you can provide - Your absence."
		- Ashleigh Brilliant

"I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem."
		- Ashleigh Brilliant

"I'm perfectly willing to be judged.  But only by God and history."
		- Ashleigh Brilliant

"Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story ."
		- Ashleigh  Brilliant

"It's said that 'power corrupts', but actually it's  more true  that
power attracts the corruptible.  The sane are usually attracted by
other things than power.  When  they do  act,  they  think of it as
service, which has limits.  The tyrant, though, seeks mastery, for
which he is  insatiable, implacable."
		- David Brin, "The Postman"

"The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe
seems to be missing."
		- William J. Broad

"It's immature and silly, but then again -- so is high school."
		- Mathew Broderick in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"

"Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain
of being a damned fool."
		- Bellamy Brooks

"Observe that for the programmer, as for the chef, the urgency of the
patron may govern the scheduled completion of the task, but it cannot
govern the actual completion.  An omelette, promised in two minutes,
may appear to be progressing nicely.  But when it has not set in two
minutes, the customer has two choices -- wait or eat it raw.  Software
customers have had the same choices."
		- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr, _The Mythical Man-Month_

"Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So,
for every ten Jews beating their breasts, God designated one to be
crazy and amuse the breast-beaters. By the time I was five I knew I was
that one."
		- Mel Brooks

"We don't inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our
children."
		- David Brower

"I'm against any law that I wouldn't break if I could get away with
it."
		- A. Whitney Brown

"A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because
he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he
was a lawyer."
		- A. Whitney Brown

"That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at
you."
		- A. Whitney Brown

"He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace."
		- John Mason Brown, drama critic

"I don't understand why you make such a big deal out of
everything...haven't you learned; if it's not happenning to me it's not
important?"
		- Murphy Brown

"All things are artificial, for nature is the art of God."
		- Thomas Browne

"The long habit of living indisposith us to dying."
		- Sir Thomas Browne

"And remember, no matter where you go, there you are."
		- Buckaroo Banzai

"Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you
came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your
father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful
girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and
drowned herself. What would you do?";  "Go back for a masters?"
		- Art Buchwald and student

"I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would affront your
intelligence."
		- William F. Buckley, Jr.

"I would sooner live in a society governed by the first two thousand
names in the Boston telephone directory than in a society governed by
the two thousand faculty members of Harvard University."
		- William F. Buckley, Jr.

"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: (1)
not going all the way; and (2) not starting."
		- Buddha

"This will be the greatest thing for labor relations since the Cat o'
Nine Tails!!!"
		- Charles Montgomery Burns

"Nature teaches more than she preaches.  There are no sermons in
stones.  It is easier to get a spark than a moral."
		- John Burroughs

"The only way to deal with exploiters is to terrorize the bastards."
		- The late Congressmember Phillip Burton

"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never
worshipped anything but himself"
		- Sir Richard F. Burton

"I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always
agree with them."
		- George Bush

"All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of
every organism to live beyond its income."
		- Samuel Butler

"We think as we do, mainly because other people think so."
		- Samuel Butler

"The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself
with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of
himself too."
		- Samuel Butler

"A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will
keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those
that are worth committing."
		- Samuel Butler

"The country that draws a broad line between its fighting men and its
thinking men will find its fighting done by fools and its thinking done
by cowards."
		- Sir William F. Butler

"Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They
seem more afraid of life than death."
		- James F. Byrnes

"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible
worlds; the pessimist fears this is true."
		- Branch Cabell, The Silver Stallion

"When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint.  When I ask why
the poor have no food, they call me a communist."
		- Dom Helder Camara

"Know what I hate most?  Rhetorical questions."
		- Henry N. Camp

"[A computer is] like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no
mercy."
		- Joseph Campbell

"You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having
asked any clear question."
		- Albert Camus

"You can go a long way with a smile.  You can go a lot farther with a
smile and a gun."
		- Al Capone

"Nobody controls his own life. The best you can do is choose to be
controlled by good pepole, By pepole who love you."
		- Orson Scott Card, "Ender's Game"

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
		- George Carlin

"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of
hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect."
		- George Carlin

"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what
do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do
they?"
		- George Carlin

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
		- George Carlin

"All that Mankind has done, thought, gained or been, it is lying as in
magic preservation in the pages of books.  They are the choicest
possessions of men."
		- Thomas Carlyle

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do."
		- Dale Carnegie

"Start at the Beginning, go through till the End, then stop."
		- Lewis Carroll, "Alice in Wonderland"

"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be, and
if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't.  That's logic!"
		- Lewis Carroll, "Alice in Wonderland"

"I'll leave the anarchists alone since they usually shoot back.  The
liberals wring their hands so much that they make easy moving targets."
		- Capt. Pat Carroll, USAF

"Liberals are an easy target. They're so soft and furry, and they make
lovely pleading noises when trod on."
		- Patrick Carroll

"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual
certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I
became a scientist.  This is like becoming an archbishop so you can
meet girls."
		- M. Cartmill

"The problem with political jokes is they get elected."
		- Henry Cate VII

"After I'm dead I'd rather people ask why I have no monument than why I
have one."
		- Cato the Elder

"...Editors are, in my opinion, a low form of life, inferior to viruses
and only slightly above academic deans"
		- D. Causey, "Crimes in Scientific Editing"

"I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I speak the truth,
and they never believe me."
		- Conte Camillo Benso di Cavour

"The poetry of heroism appeals irresitably to those who don't go to a
war, and even more so to those whom the war is making enormously
wealthy."
		- Celine.

"Too much sanity may be madness. And maddest of all, to see life as it
is and not as it should be!"
		- Miguel de Cervantes, "Don Quixote"

"Let us say that I despise stupidity. Especially when it masquerades as
virtue."
		- Miguel de Cervantes, "Don Quixote"

"Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse."
		- Miguel de Cervantes

"When thou art at Rome, do as they do at Rome"
		- Miguel de Cervantes

In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples
of anything.
		- Jeffery F. Chamberlain

"It was a blonde, a blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained
glass window."
		- Raymond Chandler

"What doesn't kill me better be able to run damn fast"
		- Rich Chandler

"In the end, everything is a gag."
		- Charlie Chaplin

"Name me an emperor who was ever struck by a cannonball."
		- Charles V

"Be wiser than other people, if you can, but do not tell them so."
		- Lord Chesterfield

"An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered.  An
inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered."
		- G. K. Chesterton

"I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean."
		- G. K. Chesterton

"Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him
from being a camel."
		- G. K. Chesterton

"The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man
really clever who has not found that he is stupid."
		- G. K. Chesterton

"Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up."
		- G. K. Chesterton

"A man must love a thing very much if he not only practises it without
any hope of fame and money, but even practises it without any hope of
doing it well."
		- G. K. Chesterton

"To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in
doing it"
		- G.K.Chesterton

"Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives."
		- Maurice Chevalier

"Truth:  the most deadly weapon ever discovered by humanity. Capable of
destroying entire perceptual sets, cultures, and realities. Outlawed by
all governments everywhere. Possession is normally punishable by
death."
		- Richard Childers

"May your fondest wish be granted."
		- Traditional Chinese Curse

"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask
remains a fool forever."
		- Old Chinese saying

"If you must play, decide upon three things at the start: The rules of
the game, the stakes, and the quitting time."
		- Chinese proverb

"I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared for the
great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
		- Winston Churchill

"Some regard private enterprise as if it were a predatory tiger to be
shot. Others look upon it as a cow that they can milk. Only a handful
see it for what it really is-the strong horse the pulls the whole
cart."
		- Winston Churchill

"When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite."
		- Winston Churchill

"Many men stumble across the truth, but most manage to pick themselves
up and continue as if nothing had happened."
		- Winston Churchill

"If this principle of giving up without a fight any place you cannot be
sure of holding were adopted, would not the enemy be able to make an
unlimited number of valuable conquests without any fighting at all ?"
		- Winston Churchill

"I gather, young man, that you wish to be a Member of Parliament. The
first lesson that you must learn is, when I call for statistics about
the rate of infant mortality, what I want is proof that fewer babies
died when I was Prime Minister than when anyone else was Prime
Minister. That is a political statistic."
		- Winston Churchill

"We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on
the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing
strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may
be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing
grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall
fight in the hills; we shall never surrender."
		- Winston Churchill, 4 June 1940

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us
as equals."
		- Winston Churchill

"Victory at all costs; victory in spite of all terror; victory no
matter how long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is
no survival."
		- Winston Churchill

"There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result."
		- Winston Churchill

"If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is
make the rubble bounce"
		- Winston Churchill

"Should the invader come to Britain, there will be no placid lying down
of the people in submission before him, as we have seen, alas! in other
countries.  We will defend every village, every town, and every city.
The vast mass of London itself, fought street by street, could easily
devour an entire hostile army, and we would rather see London laid in
ashes and ruins than that it should be tamely and abjectly enslaved."
		- Winston Churchill

"...I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a pallbearer
for all my friends who run and do exercises!"
		- Winston Churchill

"The Arabs are a backwards people who eat nothing but Camel dung."
		- Winston Churchill

"MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into
the smallest amount of thoughts."
		- Winston Churchill

"There are vast numbers, not only in this island but in every land, who
will render faithful service in this war but whose names will never be
known.  This is a war of the unknown warriors."
		- Winston Churchill

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the
subject."
		- Sir Winston Churchill

"A good question is never answered.  It is not a bolt to be tightened
into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the
hope of greening the landscape of idea."
		- John Ciardi

"There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation."
		- John Ciardi

"A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
in students."
		- John Ciardi

"Having me for postmaster is like having Zippy for president.  I dare
you to quote me on that."
		- ckk, The Postmaster who never sleeps.

"Being in the army is like being in th Boy Scouts, except that the Boy
Scouts have adult supervision."
		- Blake Clark

"The shortest distance between two points is through Hell."
		- Brian Clark

"A few sums!" retorted Martens, with a trace of his old spirit.  "A
major navigational change, like the one needed to break us away from
the comet and put us on an orbit to Earth, involves about a hundred
thousand separate calculations.  Even the computer needs several
minutes for the job."
		- Arthur C. Clarke, "Into The Comet"

"Clarke's First Law: When a distinguished but elderly scientist states
that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he
states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong."
		- Arthur C. Clarke, "Technology and the Future"

"Clarke's Second Law: The only way to discover the limits of the
possible is to go beyond them into the impossible."
		- Arthur C. Clarke, "Technology and the Future"

"Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from magic."
		- Arthur C. Clarke, "Technology and the Future"

"It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value."
		- Arthur C. Clarke

"There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a
vacuum."
		- Arthur C. Clarke

"The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to
be when you kill them."
		- William Clayton

"War is a series of disasters which result in a winner."
		- Georges Clemenceau

"If you always tell the truth, you never have to remember what you
said."
		- Samuel Clemens

"Dammit, we're all going to die, let's die doing something *useful*!"
		- Hal Clement, on the danger of space exploration

"... so long as the people do not care to exercise their freedom, those
who wish to tyrranize will do so; for tyrants are active and ardent,
and will devote themselves in the name of any number of gods, religious
and otherwise, to put shackles upon sleeping men."
		- Voltarine de Cleyre

"For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill."
		- R. Clopton

"The solution implemented here works amazingly well in most
circumstances, and, being essentially half-assed, is more in keeping
with the spirit of Unix. Blech."
		- cmushell.el comment

"CMU security, please hold, we have an emergency."
		- CMU Security (who else?)

"Andrew: The bastard son of CMU and IBM."
		- CMU Student

"The trouble with normal is it always gets worse."
		- Bruce Cockburn

"A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I.  I
believe everything positively stinks."
		- Lew Col

"La vrai disette, c'est l'absence de livres. (Real poverty is lack of
books.)"
		- Colette

"Oh, you're Eeyore! I know you, you're a doof-head!"
		-Wallace Colyer

"Heav'n has no rage, like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like
a woman scorn'd."
		- William Congreve (1670-1729)

"You wanna know how to nail Capone?  This is how you nail Capone: he
pulls a knife you pull a gun, he puts on of yours in the hospital, you
send one of his to the morgue. THAT'S how you nail Capone."
		- Sean Connery in "The Untouchables"

"I not only want a car that is built in accordance with the basic
principles of physics and in light of an empirically verified,
well-winnowed tradition of automobile design, but I also want it
screwed together right."
		- Edward W. Constant II, "The Social Locus of
		Technological Practice:  Community, System, or
		Organization?"

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to
build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying
to produce bigger and better idiots.  So far, the Universe is winning."
		- Rich Cook

"It is a faith (not always justified) of theoretical physics that if
man proposes what is sufficiently elegant, nature, pleased and
flattered, will say yes."
		- Leon N. Cooper, "Introduction to the Meaning and
		Structure of Physics"

"The world revolves around the sun, not your head."
		- Copernicus

"Listening to the Fifth Symphony of Ralph Vaughn Williams is like
staring at a cow for forty-five minutes."
		- Aaron Copland

"The problem with protestantism is that it's not quite silly enough to
be rejected out of hand."
		- R. Craig Coulter.

"The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it
isyour move."
		- Frank Crane

"I'd hate to think we're seriously hampering the productivity of
America. But, on the other hand, what the heck!"
		- Computer game magnate Les Crane, "Time"

'A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!"; "However," replied the
Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."'
		- Stephen Crane

"If the automobile had followed the same development cyclee as the
computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per
gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."
		- Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld

"Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level."
		- Quentin Crisp

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style."
		- Quentin Crisp

"Do not think what you want to think until you know what you ought to
know."
		- Crow's Law

"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law."
		- Aleister Crowley

"To be nobody-but-myself -- in a world that is doing its best, night
and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest
battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting."
		- e. e. cummings

"Remember, it's not the principle of the thing...it's the money!"
		- Daffy Duck

"There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man,
with the possible exception of the sword."
		- Benjamin Dana

"Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your
own. You may both be wrong."
		- Dandemis

"If a train station is where the train stops, what's a work station?"
		- Roger B. Dannenberg

"Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most
active."
		- Leonardo da Vinci

"Justice has nothing to do with what goes on in a courtroom; Justice is
what comes out of a courtroom."
		- Clarence Darrow

"Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to
speak it to?"
		- Clarence Darrow

"Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward"
		- Bill Davidsen

"VMS is a text-only adventure game. If you win you can use unix."
		- W. Davidson

"There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the
existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any
marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat
engine and make some other part of hell comfortably cool.  This is
obviously impossible."
		- Richard Davisson

"Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve its dignity."
		- Charles G. Dawes

"It doesn't matter what time you were born;  today is your birthday, so
shut up!"
		- Doug DeCarlo to Eeyore, 3/7/91

"Kill them all.  God will select those who should go to heaven and
those who should go to hell."
		- Abbot Arnold de Citeaux, 1205

"The graveyards are full of indispensable men."
		- Charles DeGaulle

"Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality."
		- Jules de Gaultier

"When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before
the white man came, and Indian said simply Ours."
		- Vine Deloria, Jr.

"Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises."
		- Demosthenes

"A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man
contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral."
		- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world.
Everyone thinks he has enough."
		- Descartes, 1637

"Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is
good for dandruff."
		- Peter de Vries

"There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead."
		- Lord Thomas Robert Dewar

"Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open."
		- Thomas Dewar

"Anyone who has begun to think places some portion of the world in
jeopardy."
		- John Dewey

"People who never make a mistake end up by never doing anything
worthwhile - when they do not end up in institutions.  A rigid
insistence on strict criteria is the road to scientific catatonia."
		- Solomon Diamond

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go
away."
		- Philip K. Dick

"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is
a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known."
		- Charles Dickens, "A Tale of Two Cities"

"Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong."
		- John Diefenbaker

"PL/1, "the fatal disease", belongs more to the problem set than to the
solution set."
		- E. W. Dijkstra

"Warning: the proofreading of the program text has not been done with
the same care I spent on the pages of my book."
		- E. W. Dijkstra, EWD482, "Exercises in Making Programs
		Robust"

"Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about
telescopes."
		- E. W. Dijkstra

"The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be
regarded as a criminal offense."
		- E. W. Dijkstra

"this compact disc is made from analog masters recorded without noise
reduction. half the tracks, in fact, were recorded in a dismal, cheap
basement eight-track studio with puddles of water on the floor.
digital technology will now faithfully reproduce these noisy,  low-fi,
un-professional masters at great expense.  feel stupid yet?"
		- Disclaimer on a CD

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible."
		- Walt Disney

"Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness
without action."
		- Benjamin Disraeli

"I must follow the people.  Am I not their leader?"
		- Benjamin Disraeli

"When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are
broken."
		- Benjamin Disraeli

"Gentlemen, you can't fight here, this is a War Room!"
		- Dr. Strangelove

"..never write device drivers while on acid!"
		- MJ Dominus

"Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt." [Confound those who
have said our remarks before us.]
		- Aelius Donatus

"What's worth doing is worth doing for money."
		- Joseph Donohue

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the
continent, a part of the main; ... any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for
whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee."
		- John Donne

"Aye, and if my grandmother had wheels, she'd have been a wagon...."
		- James Doohan as Mr. Scott in _The_Search_for_Spock_

"Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others."
		- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

"It's nice to have a chat with a clever man"
		- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

"But soon, soon, soon... the world will be a better place, with meadows
and bunnies and fiber optics in every home..."
		- Tom Dowdy, Apple Computer

"Bring the little ones unto me, and I will get a good price for them."
		- Dr. Fegg's Encyclopeadia of _All_ World Knowledge

"If they don't want us to drink and drive,  why do you have to have a
driver's license to buy beer?"
		- Drexell's Class

"There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not
be done at all."
		- Peter F. Drucker

"He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who
dares not is a slave."
		- Sir William Drummond, "Academical Questions"

"Beware the fury of a patient man."
		- John Dryden

"He trudged along, unknowing what he sought, and whistled as he went,
for want of a thought"
		- Dryden

"Money can be lost...beauty normally fades with the years...health may
fail or some disease can strike...friends usually vanish, perhaps die.
Only memories remain for as long as you live. so, live that your
memories will make you glad rather than sad."
		- George Dubow

"Being a scientist does not disqualify a person from being an
intelligent citizen."
		- Lee A. DuBridge

"If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as
part of the problem."
		- Ducharm's Axiom

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
		- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of
		Patents, 1899.

"Was einmal gedacht wurde kann nicht mehr zurueckgenommen werden!"
(What has been thought, can not be taken back anymore).
		- Friederich Duerrenmatt, "The physicists", 1962

"How many seconds are there in a year?  If I tell you there  are 3.155
x  10^7, you won't even try to remember it.  On the other hand, who
could forget that, to within half a percent, pi seconds is a
nanocentury."
		- Tom Duff, Bell Labs


"I guess we all know who's the real wizard under the sheets."
		- David Duke, referring to Bill Clinton and Gennifer
		Flowers

"All human wisdom is summed up in two words -- wait and hope."
		- Alexandre Dumas the Elder

"Efficiency is intelligent laziness."
		- David Dunham

"The past always looks better than it was.  It's only pleasant because
it isn't here."
		- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)

"One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
do and always a clever thing to say."
		- Will Durant

"This is a picture of the British High Command at the beginning of
World War I.  These aren't evil men -- some of them aren't even
stupid."
		- G. Dyer, in _WAR_

"Everybody is somebody else's weirdo."
		- Dykstra

"Ok, so just what is a bessel function?"
		- Rob Earhart, as Intermediate Optics goes flying over
		his head

"The supervisor and compositor shall be flogged thirty times for an
error per chapter; the printer shall be flogged thirty times for bad
impression, either too dark or too light, of one character per
chapter."
		- "Early Movable Type in Korea"

"People who meet me are always surprised that I'm congenial.  I guess
they expect me to pull out a .44.  Well, I can't.  I don't even own a
gun."
		- Clint Eastwood

"There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn
what it is I'll get married again."
		- Clint Eastwood

"I have strong feelings about gun control. If there's a gun around, I
want to be controlling it."
		- Clint Eastwood in "Pink Cadillac"

"Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don't worship it.
Feed it."
		- Aubrey Eben

"That's the nature of research--you don't know what in hell you're
doing."
		- `Doc' Edgerton

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls
and looks like work."
		- Thomas Edison

"....I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
		- Thomas Edison

"To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk."
		- Thomas Edison

"We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything."
		- Thomas Edison

"Where the world ceases to be the scene of our personal hopes and
wishes, where we face it as free beings, admiring, asking and
observing, there we enter the realm of Art and Science."
		- Albert Einstein

"Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by
understanding."
		- Albert Einstein

"Small is the number of them that see with their own eyes, and feel
with their own hearts."
		- Albert Einstein

"The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of
thinking.  The solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind.
If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker."
		- Albert Einstein

"There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing
is a miracle.  The other is as though everything is a miracle."
		- Albert Einstein

"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age
eighteen."
		- Albert Einstein

"The strength of the Constitution lies entirely in the determination of
each citizen to defend it. Only if every single citizen feels duty
bound to do his share in this defense are the constitutional rights
secure."
		- Albert Einstein

"We scientists, whose tragic destiny it has been to make the methods of
annihilation ever more gruesome and more effective, must consider it
our solemn and transcendent duty to do all in our power in preventing
these weapons from being used for the brutal purpose for which they
were invented."
		- Albert Einstein, Bulletin of Atomic Scientists,
		September 1948

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
		- Albert Einstein

"Space by itself, and time by itself, are doomed to fade away into mere
shadows, and only a kind union of the two will preserve an independent
reality."
		- Albert Einstein

"The important thing is never to stop questioning."
		- Albert Einstein

"But the creative principle resides in mathematics. In a certain sense,
therefore, I hold it true that pure thought can grasp reality, as the
ancients dreamed."
		- Albert Einstein

"Politics is for the moment. An equation is for eternity."
		- Albert Einstein

"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
		- Albert Einstein

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious."
		- Albert Einstein

"Who can imagine Moses, Jesus, or Ghandhi armed with the money-bags of
Carnegie?"
		- Albert Einstein

"It is in fact nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of
instruction have not strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry. This
little plant, aside from stimulation, stands mainly in need of
freedom.  Without this it goes to rack and ruin without fail."
		- Albert Einstein

"The most beautiful thing to experience is the mysterious. It is the
source of all true art and science."
		- Albert Einstein

"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy,
education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary.  Man would
indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear and
punshiment and hope of reward after death."
		- Albert Einstein

"The right to search for the truth implies also a duty; one must not
conceal any part of what one has recognized to be the truth."
		- Albert Einstein

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World
War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
		- Albert Einstein

"He who marches joyfully in rank and file has already earned my
contempt. A large brain has been wasted on this individual, since for
him, a spinal cord would suffice."
		- Albert Einstein

"If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z.  X is work.  Y
is play.  Z is keep your mouth shut."
		- Albert Einstein

"The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time.
The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of
consistency."
		- Albert Einstein

"Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else--unless it
is an enemy."
		- Albert Einstein

"Time and space are modes by which we think and not conditions in which
we live."
		- Albert Einstein

"Do not needlessly endanger your lives until ordered to do so."
		- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"The spirit of man is more important than mere physical strength, and
the spiritual fiber of a nation more than its wealth."
		- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to
promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want
peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of
the way and let them have it."
		- Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired
signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not
fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not
spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the
genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way
of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is
humanity hanging on a cross of iron."
		- Dwight D. Eisenhower, April 16, 1953

"Any coward can fight a battle when he's sure of winning; but give me
the man who has pluck to fight when he's sure of losing.  That's my
way; and there are many victories worse than a defeat."
		- George Eliot

"Why do men go to war? Because women are watching."
		- T. S. Eliot

"We call them Twinkies. You've seen them on television acting the news,
modeling and fracturing the news while you wonder whether they've read
the news or if they've blow-dried their brains, too."
		- Linda Ellerbee

"What we call 'Progress' is the exchange of one nuisance for another
nuisance."
		- Henry Havelock Ellis

"I don't mind you *thinking* I'm stupid, but don't *talk* to me like
I'm stupid."
		- Harlan Ellison

"A hero is not braver than an ordinary man but is brave five minutes
longer"
		- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Always do what you are afraid to do."
		- Emerson

"Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet.  Then
all things are at risk. It is as when a conflagration has broken out in
a great city, and no man knows what is safe, or  where it will end."
		- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of
civilization."
		- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it."
		- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. In fact, it
is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to
invent."
		- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Whoso would be a man, must be a nonconformist."
		- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"There is no knowledge that is not power."
		- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"To be great, is to be misunderstood."
		- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."
		- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I wish to say what I think & feel today, with the proviso that
tomorrow perhaps I shall contradict it all."
		- Emerson

"I hate quotations."
		- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry
it with us or we find it not."
		- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"ERROR: Machine does not support color holographic images"
		- End of msg

"Mass times momentum?  What the *hell* is that?"
		- Dr. Engler to Dale Newfield

"I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it."
		- English Professor

"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone
has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
		- English Professor, Ohio University

"Nothing is enough for the man for whom enough is too little."
		- Epicurus

"Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to
measure progress.  Some cathedrals took a century to complete. Can you
imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long?"
		- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982

"Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with
themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."
		- Susan Ertz

"Where there are no men of honor, strive to be a man of honor, so that
others may learn from your example."
		- Ethics of the Fathers

"When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion."
		- Ethiopian proverb

"Do we, holding that the gods exist, deceive ourselves with
insubstantial dreams and lies, while random careless chance and change
alone control the world?"
		- Euripedes, "Hecuba"

"Boy, when you go to vote, make sure not to flip your coin up so high
that the other people see it, and make sure you catch it and don't have
to go crawling around on the floor looking for it while hundreds of
waiting voters snicker or you`ll be really embarassed."
		- Elliott "Eeyore" Evans

"Here's a hint.  When you think your code to exec a shell function is
just not working, never, repeat NEVER send it "/etc/reboot" just to see
what happens."
		- Elliott "Eeyore" Evans

"After long thought, I and several of my friends came to the conclusion
that this was designed to prevent cheating.  I won't comment on that:
The idea that a CMU student could not cheat if they wanted to is more
insulting than the implication that they would."
		- Ethan Evans on academic.cs.15-211.announce.

"Hey!  This is *my* cluster.  *I* get to beat the users."
		- Ethan Evans, former Head Andrew Consultant

"Nathaniel should never have written the message server code."
		- Craig Everhart

"All Galaxy Class Starships are equipped with their own dramatic
lighting system"
		- Dan Fahs

"Damn the torpedoes!  Full speed ahead!"
		- Admiral Farragut, USN, 1801-1870

"Time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only
when the clock stops does time come to life."
		- William Faulkner

"Maturity is only a short break in adolescence."
		- Jules Feiffer

"Christ died for our sins.  Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by
not committing them?"
		- Jules Feiffer

"Pascal is not a high-level language."
		- Steven Feiner

"Never count a human dead until you've seen the body.  And even then
you can make a mistake".
		- Lady Fenring

"When a scientist doesn't know the answer to a problem, he is ignorant.
When he has a hunch as to what the result is, he is uncertain.  And
when he is pretty darn sure of what the result is going to be, he is in
some doubt."
		- Richard Feynman

"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public
relations, for Nature cannot be fooled."
		- Richard Feynman

"From a long view of the history of mankind -- seen from, say, ten
thousand years from now -- there can be little doubt that the most
significant event of the 19th century will be judged as Maxwell's
discovery of the laws of electrodynamics. The American Civil War will
pale into provinciald insignificance in comparison with this important
scientific event of the same decade."
		- Richard P. Feynman

"I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just
as dumb as the next guy."
		- Richard Feynman

"There was a sociologist who had written a paper for all of us to
read...  I started to read the damn thing, and my eyes were coming out:
I couldn't make head nor tail of it...  Finally, I said to myself, 'I'm
gonna stop and read one sentence slowly'... So I stopped -- at random
-- and read the next sentence very carefully...  'The individual member
of the social community often receives his information via visual,
symbolic channels.'  I went back and forth over it, and translated.
You know what it means?  'People read.'"
		- Richard P. Feynman

"When someone demands blind obedience, you'd be a fool not to peek."
		- Jim Fiebig

"Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of
a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor."
		- Edgar R. Fiedler

"Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if
one went to Harvard)."
		- Edgar R. Fiedler

"He, in a few minutes ravished this fair creature, or at least would
have ravished her, if she had not, by a timely compliance, prevented
him."
		- Henry Fielding, "Jonathan Wild"

"I never met a kid I liked."
		- W.C. Fields

"Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them
first for seven hours, they always come out tender."
		- W. C. Fields

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."
		- W.C. Fields

"Hey!  Who took the cork off my lunch??!"
		- W. C. Fields

"It's not bogus, it's an IBM standard."
		- Esther Filderman

"I don't like VMS. I can't think in dollar signs."
		- Esther Filderman

"I have a friend who told me that the greatest computer system ever
built by mankind was by the Druids at Stonehenge. Well, that's an old
story. But what I liked was that he felt that the Druids didn't die
out, they just went bankrupt trying to debug the software."
		- James Finkle, "Omni", August 1983

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
		- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale
		University, five days before the Crash of 1929.

"Four people attack you with screwdrivers, you have a gun, they're
supposed to die.  That's not racism.  That's Darwin."
		- Chip Flatow

"There never has been, nor will there ever be, any programming language
in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad code."
		- Lawrence Flon

"My left is blocked, my right is stopped, I can't retreat - only one
thing left to do: Attack!"
		- Marshal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole
		Superieure de Guerre

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
		- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole
		Superieure de Guerre

"Man is so made that when anything fires his soul, impossibilities
vanish."
		- Jean de La Fontaine

"Mathematicians are like lovers....Grant a mathematician the least
principle, and he will draw from it a consequence which you must also
grant him, and from this consequence another."
		- Fontenelle

"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one."
		- Malcolm S. Forbes

"Nothing shocks me.  I'm a scientist."
		- Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones

"We're not lost. We're locationally challenged."
		- John M. Ford

"'Blueberry,' Kirk thought, instead of ducking.  WHAM!  Blueberry it
was."
		- John Ford, "How Much for Just the Planet"

"The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to
constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every
appearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA
statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant.  This
also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change."
		- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers

There are three schools of magic.  One:  State a tautology, then ring
the changes on its corollaries; that's philosophy.  Two:  Record many
facts.  Try to find a pattern.  Then make a wrong guess at the next
fact; that's science.  Three:  Be aware that you live in a malevolent
Universe controlled by Murphy's Law, sometimes offset by Brewster's
Factor; that's engineering.
		- Fortune

"Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have."
		- Harry Emerson Fosdick

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting."
		- Alan Dean Foster, "To the Vanishing Point"

"To know is nothing at all; to imagine is everything."
		- Anatole France

"Never lend books -- nobody ever returns them; the only books I have in
my library are those which people have lent me."
		- Anatole France

"The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the
poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal
bread."
		- Anatole France

"Where are we going?
 Western Psyche!  When will we get there?  Real soon!"
		- Will Frank

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked
through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of
bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient
proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last
of human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of
circumstances -- to choose one's own way."
		- Viktor Frankl

"It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad
one to lose it."
		- Benjamin Franklin

"Experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn from no other."
		- Benjamin Franklin

"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff
life is made of."
		- Benjamin Franklin

"Never confuse motion with action."
		- Ben Franklin

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
		- Benjamin Franklin, 1759

"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't
actually live longer; it just seems longer."
		- Clement Freud

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."
		- Sigmund Freud

"Never knock on Death's door:  ring the bell and run away!  Death
really hates that!"
		- Matt Frewer as Dr. Mike Stratford in "Doctor, Doctor"

"I have never forced myself on my wife:  I paid her each time."
		- Stephen Freind

"Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned."
		- Milton Friedman

"Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't
have to experience it."
		- Max Frisch

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -; I took the one less traveled
by; And that has made all the difference."
		- Robert Frost

"The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest
willing to let them."
		- Robert Frost

"The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir."
		- Thomas Fuller

"Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less
obvious as you begin to study the universe.  For example, there are no
solids in the universe.  There's not even a suggestion of a solid.
There are no absolute continuums.  There are no surfaces.  There are no
straight lines."
		- R. Buckminster Fuller

"Don't fight forces; use them."
		- R. Buckminster Fuller

"God is not a noun; God is a verb."
		- R. Buckminster Fuller

"It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing
warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or
two things still safe to eat."
		- Robert Fuoss

"The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse
time."
		- Merrick Furst

"If something goes wrong, it is more important to talk about who is
going to fix it, than who is to blame."
		- Francis J. Gable

"Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists."
		- John Kenneth Galbraith

"When people are least sure, they are often most dogmatic."
		- John Kenneth Galbraith

"Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what
is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
		- John Kenneth Galbraith

"What is called a high standard of living consists, in considerable
measure, in arrangements for avoiding muscular energy, for increasing
sensual pleasure and enhancing caloric intake above any conceivable
nutritional requirement."
		- John Kenneth Galbraith

"Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything."
		- John Kenneth Galbraith

"Under capitalism, man exploits man.  Under communism, it's just the
opposite."
		- John Kenneth Galbraith

"I was brought up in southwestern Ontario where we were taught that
Canadian patriotism should not withstand anything more than a
five-dollar-a-month wage differential. Anything more than that and you
went to Detroit."
		- John Kenneth Galbraith

"If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular
error."
		- John Kenneth Galbraith

"If it is dangerous to suppose that government is always right, it will
sooner or later be awkward for public administration if most people
suppose that it is always wrong."
		- John Kenneth Galbraith

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us
with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
		- Galileo Galilei

"In questions of science the authority of a thousand is not worth the
humble reasoning of a single individual."
		- Galileo Galilei

"But where the senses fail us, reason must step in."
		- Galileo Galilei

"Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding
he sings."
		- Ed Gardner

"Every psychic investigator of [the medium] Mrs. Piper was impressed by
her simplicity and honesty. It never occurred to them that no charlatan
ever achieves greatness by acting like a charlatan. No professional spy
acts like a spy. No card cheat behaves at the table like a card cheat."
		- Martin Gardner

"Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more
'user-friendly' [...] Their best approach, so far, has been to take all
the old brochures, and stamp the words, 'user-friendly' on the cover."
		- Bill Gates, Microsoft CEO

"I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending
their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to
buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike."
		- Emile Henry Gauvreay

"Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop
writing."
		- R. Geis

"I wouldn't mind dying -- it's that business of having to stay dead
that scares the shit out of me."
		- R. Geis

"Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired."
		- R. Geis

"Impeccability, a finely honed strategic sense, and an intelligent
application of personal ferocity beat out fear and hate every time."
		- Joshua Geller

"On the Tobruk front a large force of Italians attacked one enemy
cyclist, causing him to dismount.  After heavy and prolonged fighting
they were able to puncture his tires.  The front wheel was destroyed,
while destruction of the rear wheel must also be considered probable.
The handle bars are in our hands, but possession of the frame is still
contested."
		- German satire of an Italian war communique,
		reportedly captured by British troops in Libya

"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
		- J. Paul Getty

"A `No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
`Yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble."
		- Mahatma Ghandi

"If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind
for revealing them to the trees."
		- Khalil Gibran

"Hey babe, I've got an O(n) method for computing form factors."
		- Stephen Gifford

"No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's
a dirty little beast."
		- W.S. Gilbert

"Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse."
		- William Gilbert

"A libertarian is just an anarchist on the gold standard."
		- Alexis Gilliland

 "Layered protocols give the software implementor a chance to ruin his
 performance in each layer."
		- Don Gillies

 -----------------------------------------------------------------
  Tom Strong              N3NBB              ts49+@andrew.cmu.edu

From: strong+@CMU.EDU (Thomas W. Strong, Jr.)
Date: 7 Jan 93 23:58:53 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: misc, 2/3


"There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of
the law.  No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer
interprets the truth."
		- Jean Giradoux

"Only the mediocre are always at their best."
		- Jean Giraudoux

"We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves."
		- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they
translate into their own language and forthwith it is something
entirely different."
		- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"It is not enough to have knowledge, one must also apply it.  It is not
enough to have wishes, one must also accomplish."
		- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius,
power and magic in it."
		- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"He who has art and science also has religion, but those who do not
have them better have religion."
		- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"What is hardest of all?  That which seems most simple: to see with
your eyes what is before your eyes."
		- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should."
		- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Modern diplomats approach every problem with an open mouth."
		- Arthur J. Goldberg

"I am surprised nothing has been made of the fact that astronaut Neil
Armstrong carried no sidearms when he landed on the moon."
		- Justice Arthur Goldberg

"Learning from one's own experience is even more impractical if the
injury is a very serious one. In the extreme case of a fatal accident,
of course, the learning experience might be profound, but the learning
curve is abruptly truncated."
		- Victor Goldberg (1974)

"That is one of the Laws of Usenet, up there with `You can tell when a
Usenet discussion is getting old when someone drags out Hitler and the
Nazis.'"
		- David Goldfarb

"Laws grind the poor, and rich men rule the law."
		- Oliver Goldsmith

"A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough
to take it all away."
		- Barry Goldwater

"Crossposting isn't inherently evil, in the same sense that necrophilia
doesn't really hurt anybody.  One wonders only whether it's appropriate
to the occasion."
		- Rick Gordon

"For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say
'Canada'.  Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something."
		- Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to
		the U.S.

"A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his
friends."
		- Baltasar Gracian

"We will occasionally use this arrow notation unless there is danger of
no confusion."
		- Ronald Graham, "Rudiments of Ramsey Theory"

"Paranoia will get you through times of no enemies better than enemies
will get you through times of no paranoia."
		- Pete Granger

"So you think *I'm* the murderer?  What do I have to do to convince you
that I'm not, be the next victim?" "Well that would be a start."
		- Cary Grant & Audrey Hepburn in "Charade", 1963

"A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you
with company."
		- Gian Vincenzo Gravina

"If at first you don't succeed -- give it up.  It isn't worth the
pain."
		- Matt Groening

"This fellow Charles Lindbergh will never make it.  He's doomed."
		- Harry Guggenheim, millionaire aviation enthusiast

"Who's more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?"
		- Alec Guiness as Obi-Wan Kenobi, "Star Wars"

"You can pretend to be serious, you can't pretend to be witty."
		- Sacha Guitry

"Ten of us to a hundred of them, eh?  Well, one British soldier is
worth twenty of those beggars...so the odds are two to one in our
favor.  Hardly sporting!"
		- GURPS Basic Set, 3rd Ed

"...There are three kinds of mathematicians--those that can count and
those that can't count."
		- Professor Gurtin during Calc in 3-D

"Y'know, you can't have, like, a light, without a dark to stick it
in... You know what I'm sayin'?"
		- Arlo Guthrie

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time
reading it."
		- Moses Hadas

"The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity
that would be clearly understood."
		- Alexander Haig

"The future is not weirder than we imagine,  it is weirder than we can
imagine..."
		- J.B.S. Haldane.

"He that leaveth nothing to Chance will do few things ill, but he will
do very few things."
		- George, Lord Halifax

"Machines should work. People should think."
		- Richard Hamming

"Virtue is its own revenge."
		- E.Y. Harburg

"There is one comforting conclusion which is easy for a real
mathematician.  Real mathematics has no effects on war.  No one has yet
discovered any warlike purpose to be served by the theory of numbers or
relativity, and it seems unlikely that anyone will do so for many
years."
		- G. H. Hard, A Mathematician's Apology, 1940

"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."
		- Salvador Hardin

"It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority.  By
definition, there are already enough people to do that."
		- G. H. Hardy

"The most important thing in an argument, next to being right, is to
leave an escape hatch for your opponent, so that he can gracefully
swing over to your side without too much apparent loss of face."
		- Sydney J. Harris

"Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches/sec."
		- J. Hart

"One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that
sometimes you must work under adverse conditions... like a state of
sheer terror."
		- W. K. Hartmann

"God not only plays dice, he also sometimes throws the dice where they
cannot be seen."
		- Stephen Hawking

"That's a definition, not a theorem.  That means you don't argue with
it; you just write it down and memorize it."
		- Warren Hawley

"This one is an ANSI standard fuse blower."
		- Steven Hawthorne

"I'm going to speak my mind because I have noth to lose."
		- S.I. Hayakwa

"We tend to idealize tolerance, then wonder why we find ourselves
infested with losers and nut cases."
		- Patrick Nielsen Hayden

"Grace is the absence of everything that indicates pain or difficulty,
hesitation or incongruity."
		- William Hazlitt

"Engineering induction:  if it works for n = 1, 2, and 3, that's good
enough for me".
		- Ric Hehner

"Whenever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human
beings."
		- Heinrich Heine

"Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in
private and wash your hands afterwards."
		- Heinlein

"Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's
supposed to do."
		- R. A. Heinlein

"The only inherent sin in society lies in huting others unnecessarily.
Hurting yourself in not sinful - just dumb."
		- Robert Heinlein

"Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and
some people have mediocrity thrust upon them."
		- Joseph Heller

"I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the
whole field to a private industry."
		- Joseph Heller

"The first myth of management is that it exists.  The second myth of
management is that success equals skill."
		- Robert Heller

"Satire, for example, is defined as intellectual judo, in which the
writer or performer takes on the ideas and character of his target and
then take both to absurd lengths to destroy them. This is the most
mischievous of all forms of humor, the most radical use of irony. (It
is also the most easily misunderstood, since taking on the character of
one's target -- a bigot, say -- can lead the uninitiated into thinking
that you actually share the target's ideas. Saying the word 'nigger' in
character can get bricks thrown at your head -- and not by bigots.)
Satire is not a gentle process, and the more sacred the belief or
person whose mantle it assumes, the more effective it is."
		- Tony Hendra, "Going Too Far"

"You've been in the SCA too long when your spell check recognizes
`pursuivant'"
		- Henry of Linlithgow

"You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it
doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on."
		- Hepler, Systems Design 182

"The nature of things is in the habit of concealing itself."
		- Heraclitus

"An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose."
		- A. P. Herbert

"No man steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river, and
he's not the same man."
		- Heraclitus

"I turn away with fright and horror from the lamentable evil of
functions which do not have derivatives."
		- Charles Hermite

"In peace, sons bury their fathers; in war, fathers bury their sons."
		- Herodotus

"When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be
sane."
		- Hermann Hesse

"Goldilocks is about property rights.  Little Red Riding Hood is a tale
of seduction, rape, murder, and cannibalism."
		- Bernard J. Hibbits

"Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems.  It's easy to
criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too."
		- D. J. Hicks

"When we put our best foot forward, the other one had better be good
enough to stand on."
		- Cullen Hightower

"And that marvelous moment when you switched from color to black and
white, to show the bleakness of human existence."; "Actually we ran out
of money and had to buy cheaper film."
		- Benny Hill

"Let us go forth not as defenders of the status quo, but as crusaders
with a revolution idea -- that government should be the servant and not
the master of the people; that its purpose is to protect, not deny,
each man's freedom; that the purpose of a free press is to liberate,
not enslave the human spirit."
		- A. S. Hills, President Inter-American Press
		Association

"I have a perfect cure for a sore throat. Cut it."
		- Alfred Hitchcock

"The people of Britain are very curious and ask: 'Why in the world
don't you come ?'  We are coming.  People should not always be so
curious."
		- Adolf Hitler

"England has already lost the war.  It is only a matter of having the
intelligence to admit it."
		- Adolf Hitler, 4/4/41

"The great masses of the people . . . will more easily fall victims to
a great lie than to a small one."
		- Adolf Hitler

"An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God.  Some of those
eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as
possible."
		- Russell Hoban, "Pilgermann"

"There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to
make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the
other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious
deficiencies."
		- C. A. R. Hoare

"We're not hitchiking anymore - we're riding!"
		- Commander Hoeke

"I just need enough to tide me over until I need more."
		- Bill Hoest

"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he
uses to frighten you."
		- Eric Hoffer

"Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life."
		- Eric Hoffer

"Any computer project will take twice as long as you think it will even
when you take into account Hofstadter's law"
		- Hofstadter's law

"Women and cats do as they dammed well please.  Men and dogs had best
learn to live with it..."
		- Alan Holbrook

"It is well to remember that the entire population of the universe,
with one trifling exception, is composed of others."
		- John Andrew Holmes

"Never tell a young person that anything cannot be done.  God may have
been waiting for centuries for somebody ignorant enough of the
impossible to do that very thing."
		- John Andrew Holmes

"The universe is not hostile, nor yet is it friendly. It is simply
indifferent."
		- John Hughes Holmes

"The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you
shine on it, the more it contracts."
		- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

"Every calling is great when greatly pursued."
		- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

"When a resolute fellow steps up to that great bully, the world, and
takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that the
beard comes off in his hand, that it was only tied on to scare away
timid adventurers."
		- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

"There it was, hidden in alphabetical order."
		- Rita Holt

"About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the
ends."
		- Herbert Hoover

"I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of
oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate
commerce."
		- J. Edgar Hoover

"Justice is incedental to law and order."
		- J. Edgar Hoover

"Good judgement comes from experience.  Experience comes from bad
judgement."
		- Jim Horning

"I also thank my reviewer---John Vlissides of Stanford University,
whose critical and insightful comments prodded me to rewrite the book
and Michael Tripoli, who checked the code for correctness. Naturally,
any remaining flaws are entirely their fault."
		- Cay S. Horstmann, "Mastering C++"

"In My Egotistical Opinion, most people's C programs should be indented
six feet downward and covered with dirt."
		- Blair P. Houghton, regarding C Code indentation

"Bill Gates [Microsoft CEO] says no matter how much more power we can
supply, he'll develop some really exciting software that will bring the
machine to its knees."
		- David House, Intel VP

"... And malt does more than Milton can;  To justify God's ways to man"
		- A. E. Housman

"Only fools are positive."
		- Moe Howard

"The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute live
ones."
		- Nathaniel Howe

"Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week."
		- William Dean Howells

"There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what
it's a plan for."
		- Fred Hoyle

"You can leave if you want -- I won't take offense, even if intended."
		- Professor Hrusa (CMU)

"Does that mean that Calculus with Sets & mappings is Calculus S&M?"
		- Professor Hrusa
"Obviously, for mathechists."
		- Jon Bennett

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus
handicapped."
		- Elbert Hubbard

"To escape criticism -- do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."
		- Elbert Hubbard

"Die: To stop sinning suddenly."
		- Elbert Hubbard

"Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people."
		- F. M. Hubbard

"If Moses had been a committee, the Israelites would still be in
Egypt."
		- J. B. Hughes

"Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age."
		- Victor Hugo

"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be
taken seriously."
		- Hubert Humphrey

"Vegetarianism is harmless enough, although it is apt to fill a man
with wind and self-righteousness."
		- Sir Robert Hutchison

"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."
		- Aldous Huxley

"There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early
in life."
		- Thomas Henry Huxley

"The known is finite, the unknown infinite; intellectually we stand on
an islet in the midst of an illimitable ocean of inexplicability.  Our
business in every generation is to reclaim a little more land."
		- T. H. Huxley

"All parts should go together without forcing.  You must remember that
the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if
you can't get them together again, there must be a reason.  By all
means, do not use a hammer."
		- IBM maintenance manual,  1925

"The strongest man in the world is he who stands alone."
		- Ibsen

"You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for
freedom and liberty."
		- Henrick Ibson

"To avoid slow performance, Apple suggests that the amount of virtual
memory you select be less than the system RAM."
		- INFOWORLD

"In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments -- there are
consequences."
		- Robert G. Ingersoll

"It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of
your life."
		- Irish Proverb

"To prevent having to tell fools to RTFM don't let on that you WTFM in
the first place."
		- Sign in ITC's Swamp

"Under Brezhnev, the Soviet economy was led to the edge of an abyss.
But under Gorbachov's policies, they have taken one great leap
forward."
		- Dr. Alexei Izyuromov, Canada-US Institute in Moscow

"The will to win is worthless if you don't get paid for it"
		- Reggie Jackson

"It could have been an organically based disturbance of the brain -
perhaps a tumor or a metabolic deficiency - but after a thorough
neurological exam it was determined that Byron was simply a jerk."
		- J. Jahnke

"In democracy its your vote that counts.;  In feudalism its your count
that votes."
		- Mogens Jallberg

"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices."
		- William James

"If you believe everything you read, better not read."
		- Japanese proverb

"B2 Hamerschlag: We're the best freshman floor this year,and at the
rate we're going, we'll be the best freshman floor next year, too."
		- Faisal Nameer Jawdat <fj05+@andrew.cmu.edu>

"I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past."
		- Thomas Jefferson

"That ideas should freely spread from one to another over the globe,
for the moral and mutual instruction of man, and the improvement of his
conditions, seems to have been peculiarly and benevolently designed by
nature, when she made them, like fire, expansible over all space,
without lessening their density in any point, and like the air in which
we breathe, move, and have our physical being, incapable of confinement
of exclusive appropriation.  Inventions then cannot, in nature, be a
subject of property."
		- Thomas Jefferson, in a letter to Isaac McPherson,
		1813.

"I hold that a little rebellion is a good thing."
		- Thomas Jefferson

"It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or
no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg."
		- Thomas Jefferson

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood
of patriots and tyrants."
		- Thomas Jefferson

"The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain
occasions that I wish it to be always kept alive."
		- Thomas Jefferson

"Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations."
		- Thomas Jefferson

"I have recently been examining all the known superstitions of the
world, and do not find in our particular superstition [Christianity]
one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and
mythology."
		- Thomas Jefferson

"I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every
form of tyranny over the mind of man."
		- Thomas Jefferson

"The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper."
		- Thomas Jefferson

"When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one
people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with
another, and to assume among the powers of the earth the separate and
equal station to which the laws of nature and of Nature's God entitle
them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they
should declare the causes which impel them to the separation."
		- Thomas Jefferson, "Declaration of Independence"

"I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just."
		- Thomas Jefferson

"Where a new invention promises to be useful, it ought to be tried."
		- Thomas Jefferson

"In addition I think science has enjoyed an extraordinary success
because it has such a limited and narrow realm in which to focus its
efforts. Namely, the physical universe."
		- Ken Jenkins

"Filenames are only for people who can't remember where they put their
files."
		- Tarjei T. Jensen

"If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied
harder."
		- Pope John Paul I

"People must not attempt to impose their own 'truth' on others.  The
right to profess the truth must always be upheld, but not in a way that
involves contempt for those who may think differently.  Truth imposes
itslef solely by the force of its own truth."
		- Pope John Paul II, 1-1-91

"The first casualty when war comes is truth."
		- Hiram Johnson

"A successful tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by
its author."
		- S. C. Johnson

"The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate
it."
		- Franklin P. Jones

"Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a
mistake when you make it again."
		- F. P. Jones

"It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which
raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody
not to."
		- Franklin P. Jones

"When PETA starts trying to toss red paint on motorcycle riders wearing
leather jackets, things will get more interesting (and I hope someone's
there with a camera)."
		- James Jones

"Confound these ancestors.... They've stolen our best ideas!"
		- Ben Jonson

"Hear me, my chiefs! I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where
the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever."
		- Chief Joseph, Nez Perce surrender speech, 1877

"Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the
Mac (and nobody cares about it)."
		- Bill Joy, 6/21/85

"Trouble is only an opportunity in work clothes."
		- Henry J. Kaiser

"The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before
you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him
shrouded in tears, and to gather into your bosom his wives and
daughters."
		- Genghis Kahn, 1226

"It is important to keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains
fall out."
		- Stephen A. Kallis, Jr.

"Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long."
		- Howard Kandel

"Happiness is not an ideal of reason but of imagination."
		- Immanuel Kant

"It has been said [by Anatole France], 'it is not by amusing oneself
that one learns,' and, in reply: 'it is *only* by amusing oneself that
one can learn.'"
		- Edward Kasner and James R. Newman

"Calm down.  It's only ones and zeros"
		- Sam Kass (sk4i@andrew.cmu.edu)

"Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each
day as it comes."
		- Donald Kaul

"Any medium powerful enough to extend man's reach is powerful enough to
topple his world. To get the medium's magic to work for one's aims
rather than against them is to attain literacy."
		- Alan Kay, "Computer Software", Scientific American

"At college age, you can tell who is best at taking tests and going to
school, but you can't tell who the best people are.  That worries the
hell out of me."
		- Barnaby C. Keeney

"I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it."
		- Garrison Keillor

"Now is the time for all good men to come to."
		- Walt Kelly

"We have met the enemy, and he is us."
		- Walt Kelly

"One word characterizes the most strenuous of the efforts for the
advancement of science that I have made perservereingly during
fifty-five years; that word is failure."
		- Lord Kelvin

"[The vector] has never been of the slightest use to any creature."
		- Lord Kelvin

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
		- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since
you cannot make yourself as you wish to be."
		- Thomas A. Kempis

"The biggest sin is sitting on your ass."
		- Florynce Kennedy

"One man can make a difference.  Every man should try."
		- John F. Kennedy

"And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for
you-- ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the
world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can
do for the freedom of man."
		- John F. Kennedy, Inaugural address, 20 Jan 1961

"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent
revolution inevitable."
		- John F. Kennedy

"Liberty without learning is always in peril and learning without
liberty is always in vain."
		- John F. Kennedy

"If scientific discovery has not been an unalloyed blessing, if it has
conferred on mankind the power not only to create but also to
annihilate, it has at the same time provided humanity with a supreme
challenge and a supreme testing."
		- John F. Kennedy

"If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the
world safe for diversity."
		- John F. Kennedy

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."
		- Robert F. Kennedy

"In the long run we are all dead."
		- John Maynard Keynes

"Your presence is requested at your earliest convenience.  Please be
sure your earliest convenience is at 1pm."
		- Sher Khan (CEO Kahn Industries)

"What is zero to analysts?  It is a number that's smaller than epsilon
for any epsilon."
		- Prof. David Kinderlehrer, Advanced Calc 21-455

"Are you sure there are no hidden cameras up there?"
		- Arizona Rep. Don Kinney, while stuffing $55,000 into
		a gym bag

"The illegal we do immediately.  The unconstitutional takes a little
longer."
		- Henry Kissinger

"Campus politics are so vicious precisely because the stakes are so
small."
		- Henry Kissinger

"The superpowers often behave like two heavily armed blind men feeling
their way around a room, each believing himself in mortal peril from
the other, whom he assumes to have perfect vision. Each tends to
ascribe to the other side a consistency, forsight and coherence that
its own experience belies. Of course, even two blind men can do
enormous damage to each other, not to speak of the room."
		- Henry Kissinger

"There cannot be a crisis next week.  My schedule is already full."
		- Henry Kissinger

"Sure, we can raise money!  We can raise your Activities Fee."
		- "Senator" Josh Knauer, on how Student Senate should
		raise money

"This memo is to notify you that you are happy in your job.  If you
have any questions, please contact the Personnel office at extension
x3088.  Thank you."
		- Kevin Knight

"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it."
		- Donald Knuth

"God made the integers; all else is the work of Man."
		- Kronecker

"Berlin is the testicles of the West.  Each time I give them a yank,
they holler."
		- Khruschev

"Politicians are the same all over.  They promise to build a bridge
even where there is no river."
		- Nikita Khrushchev

"Television, a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well
done."
		- Ernie Kovacs

"In a mad world only the mad are sane."
		- Akira Kurosawa

"18,000 dollars a year and all I've I got to show for it is an Andrew
account and no sleep."
		- Jay Laefer

"The policy is no eating, not no food. If it was no food, I'd invite
Gary into the cluster and start gnawing on him."
		- Jay Laefer

"I wouldn't trust Phil [Dye] with system:administrator access."
		- Jay Laefer
"I wouldn't trust Phil with *system:anyuser* access!"
		- Tom Strong

"A distributed system is one that stops you from getting any work done
when a machine you've never even heard of crashes."
		- Leslie Lamport (Attributed)

"I'll never discuss my lawyer's character in his absence, so let's
discuss his absence of character!
		- Michael Lara

"Shut up he explained."
		- Ring Lardner

"Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind
blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire."
		- La Rochefoucauld

"Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad
example."
		- La Rouchefoucauld

"We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears."
		- La Rouchefoucauld

"Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to
your regular duties."
		- Doug Larson

"The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the
urge to throw a snowball."
		- Doug Larson

"By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began
to suspect 'Hungry.'"
		- Gary Larson, "The Far Side"

"Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success."
		- Christopher Lasch

"I've found thats it's not good to talk about your troubles.  Eighty
percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty
percent are glad your having trouble."
		- Tommy LaSorda

"When guns are outlawed, how will we handle frat boys?"
		- Kurt Laughlin, on cs.opinion

"The Constitution does not grant rights, it recognizes them"
		- Jason Laumark

"All men dream: but not equally.  Those who dream by night in the dusty
recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but
the dreamers of  the day are dangerous men, for they may act their
dream with open eyes, to make it possible."
		- T. E. Lawrence, "The Seven Pillars of Wisdom"

"You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions."
		- Senator Patrick Leahy (D-Vt), May 1990

"The bomb will never go off.  I speak as an expert in explosives."
		- Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project

"Pursuing the religious life today without using psychedelics drugs is
like studying astronomy with the naked eye because that's how they did
it in the first century A.D., and besides, telescopes are unnatural."
		- Timothy Leary, "The Politics of Ecstasy"

"There are three side effects of acid.  Enchanced long term memory,
decreased short term memory, and I forget the third."
		- Timothy Leary

"I give you bitter pills in sugar coating.  The pills are harmless: the
poison is in the sugar."
		- Stanislaw Lec

"Duty then is the sublimest word in the English language.  You should
do your duty in all things.  You can never do more, you should never
wish to do less."
		- General Robert E. Lee

"Power corrupts.  Absolute power is kind of neat."
		- John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy, 1981-1987

"The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not
only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and
color, but also on the grounds of ability."
		- Tom Lehrer

"On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.'  I
wanted to put a check mark about three inches away."
		- Tom Lehrer, lecturing in "The Nature of Math", 4/4/90

"If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared not only
to retract it, but also to deny under oath that I ever said it."
		- Tom Lehrer

"If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is
a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here...
		- Tom Lehrer, lecturing in "The Nature of Math", 4/4/90

"Captain, it is I, Ensign Pulver, and I want you to know that I just
threw your stinkin' tree overboard.  Now what's all this crud about no
movie tonight?"
		- Jack Lemmon as Ensign Pulver, "Mr. Roberts"

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth."
		- Lenin

"Life is what's going on while your making other plans"
		- John Lennon

"Well, Thurgood Marshall retired, so that wasn't an earthquake we felt
last Friday. It was the whole country moving a few inches to the
right."
		- Jay Leno

"I am glad I shall never be young without wild country to be wild in.
To what avail are forty freedoms without a blank spot on the map?"
		- Aldo Leopold

"Trouble rather the tiger in his lair than the sage amongst his books.
For to you Kingdoms and their armies are things mighty and enduring,
but to him they are but toys of the moment, to be overturned by the
flicking of a finger."
		- LESSONS: Anonymous

"Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which
otherwise require harder thinking."
		- Jerome Lettvin

"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you
remember."
		- Oscar Levant

"I am no more humble than my talents require."
		- Oscar Levant

"But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the
system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed,
analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses."
		- Bruce Leverett, "Register Allocation in Optimizing
		Compilers"

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another,
'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'"
		- C. S. Lewis

"Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest
way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless."
		- Sinclair Lewis

"A book is a mirror: if an ass peers into it, you can't expect an
apostle to look out."
		- G. C. Lichtenberg

"Oh, I don't blame Congress.  If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd
be irresponsible, too."
		- Lichty & Wagner

"Pat's going to win in '92.  I'll see to it.  I don't care where I have
to break into."
		- G. Gordon Liddy

"Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime."
		- G. Gordon Liddy

"The best way to destroy your enemy is to make him your friend."
		- Abraham Lincoln

"I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back."
		- Abraham Lincoln

"The assertion that 'all men are created equal' was of no practical use
in effecting our separation from Great Britain, and it was placed in
the Declaration not for that, but for future use."
		- Abraham Lincoln

"I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of bringing about in any way
the social and political equality of the white and black races--I am
not, nor ever have been, in favor of making voters or jurors of
Negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with
white people."
		- Abraham Lincoln, First Lincoln-Douglas Debate, August
		21, 1858

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's
character, give him power."
		- Abraham Lincoln

"Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to
see it tried on him personally."
		- Abraham Lincoln

"'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and
remove all doubt."
		- Abraham Lincoln

"Do not be deceived. Revolutions do not run backwards."
		- Abraham Lincoln

"If you call a tail a leg, how many legs does a horse have?  Four,
calling a tail a leg does not make it a leg."
		- Abraham Lincoln

"The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us
from the support of a cause we believe to be just."
		- Abraham Lincoln

"Prohibition goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to
control a man's appetite by legislation and makes crimes out of things
that are not crimes. A prohibition law strikes a blow at the very
principles upon which our government was founded. "
		- Abraham Lincoln

"The world's as ugly as sin, And almost as delightful"
		- Frederick Locker-Lampson

"Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy."
		- Janet Long

"The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course it is
none of my business, but --" is to place a period after the word "but."
Don't use excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period.
Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you
talked about."
		- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"

"Get a shot off fast, this upsets him long enough to make your second
shot perfect."
		- Lazarus Long

"Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.  At best
he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not
make messes in the house."
		- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"

"Sometimes we talk to ourselves because we are the only ones who will
listen"
		- Longshot

"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next
to me."
		- Alice Roosevelt Longworth

"C code and bboards are my only foods; I forsake all others, except for
leaves from the Bodhi tree and water sipped from the bladder of a
goat."
		- Nathan Loofbourrow

"See I am just a frustrated artist. The sex urge feeds into the art
urge which feeds into the computing urge. So I have a need to program a
ray tracer to fulfill the previous two levels of abstration."
		- Nathan Loofbourrow
"Couldn't you just masturbate?"
		- Rick Romero

"The NeXT machines don't understand my needs as a man."
		- Nathan Loofbourrow

"Don't take VICE too seriously;  It throws in random bits."
		- Dan Lovinger

"Some people have compared the security holes in this system to a hole
the size that a 747 could fly through. By now, I would imagine it's up
in the range of Star Destroyer class."
		- Dan Lovinger

"Normalize 'er?  But I just derived 'er!"
		- Dan Lovinger, after too much of a Math Methods test

"What we see depends on mainly what we look for."
		- John Lubbock

"War is one of the greatest plagues that can afflict humanity: it
destroys religion, it destroys states, it destroys families. Any
scourge, in fact, is preferable to it. Famine and pestilence become as
nothing in comparison to it."
		- Martin Luther

"They that have I's shall be blind until their death."
		- Lyse

"Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear -- kept us in
a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor -- with the cry of grave
national emergency... Always there has been some terrible evil to
gobble us up if we did not blindly rally behind it by furnishing the
exorbitant sums demanded.  Yet, in retrospect, these disasters seem
never to have happened, seem never to have been quite real."
		- General Douglas MacArthur, 1957

"It must be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to plan,
more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to managment than the
creation of a new system.  For the initiator has the enmity of all who
would profit by the preservation of the old institution and merely
lukewarm defenders in those who gain by the new ones."
		- Machiavelli, "The Prince," 1513

"One item could not be deleted because it was missing."
		- Mac System 7.0b1 error message

"There comes a time in the history of any project when it becomes
necessary to shoot the engineers and begin production."
		- MacUser, November 1990

"If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise
of fighting a foreign enemy."
		- James Madison

"'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds."
		- Malaclypse the Younger

"And joy, after all, is the end of life. We do not live to eat and make
money. We eat and make money to be able to enjoy life. That is what
life means and what life is for."
		- George Leigh Mallory

"The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to
devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation."
		- Lew Mammel, Jr.

"Likewise, when a long series of identical computations is to be
performed, such as those required for the formation of numerical
tables, the machine can be brought into play so as to give several
results at the same time, which will greatly abridge the whole amount
of the processes."
		- General L. F. Manabrea, 1842; referring to Charles
		Babbage's Analytical Engine

"Physicists are mathematicians in a hurry."
		- B. Mandelbrot

"A house without books is like  room without windows."
		- Horace Mann

"If it's against state law, it's generally considered a breach of
Etiquette."
		- Ms. Manners

"There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man."
		- Groucho Marx

"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."
		- Groucho Marx

"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
		- Groucho Marx

"Oh, I know it's a penny here and a penny there, but look at me. I
worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
		- Groucho Marx, "Monkey Business"

"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew
them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb
does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know."
		- Groucho Marx, "Animal Crackers"

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it."
		- Groucho Marx

"I find television very educating.  Every time somebody turns on the
set, I go into the other room and read a book."
		- Groucho Marx, 1890-1977

"Religion is the opium of the people."
		- Karl Marx

"You're free to be as much of an asshole as you wish -- as long as I'm
not paying for it."
		- Todd Masco

"All I ask is a tall ship, and a star to steer her by."
		- John Masefield

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem
as a nail."
		- Abraham Maslow

"Everything that exists exists in some degree, and if it exists in some
degree then it ough to be measured."
		- Mathematicians' Bill of Rights

"It is bad luck to be superstitious."
		- Andrew W. Mathis

"Dying is a very dull, dreary affair.  And my advice to you is to have
nothing whatever to do with it."
		- W. Somerset Maughm

"If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its
freedom; and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it
values more, it will lose that, too."
		- W. Somerset Maugham

"You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed
adultery, are now extinct."
		- W. Somerset Maugham

"Only a mediocre person is always at his best."
		- W. Somerset Maugham

"Excess on occasion is exhilarating.  It prevents moderation from
acquiring the deadening effect of a habit."
		- W. Somerset Maugham

"War must be looked upon as a business, and subject, like any other
business, to business principles. War is the business of destruction of
life and property of an enemy.....The most deadly and destructive
implements of war are the most humane, and the producers of them may
justly be looked upon as humanitarians."
		- Hudson Maxim

"Now, the first thing to remember is: always treat your kite just like
your woman."; "How do you mean sir, you mean take her home on the
weekend to meet your mother?"; "NO, I mean get inside of her five times
a day and take her to Heaven and back!"
		- Rik Mayall as Colonel Lord "Flash" Flasheart, in
		BlackAdder Goes Forth

"Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art."
		- Charles McCabe

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy."
		- Charlie McCarthy

"The measure on a man's real character is what he would do if he knew
he  would never be found out."
		- Thomas McCauley

"Irrigation of the land with sewater desalinated by fusion power is
ancient.  It's called 'rain'."
		- Michael McClary

"The first rule of magic is simple.  Don't waste you time waving your
hands
 and hopping when a rock or a club will do."
		- McCloctnick the Lucid

"I am not an Economist.  I am an honest man!"
		- Paul McCracken

"Unix is not a "A-ha" experience, it is more of a "holy-shit"
experience."
		- Colin McFadyen in alt.folklore.computers

"The cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to
eat."
		- John McNulty

"You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable
doubt."
		- Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict

"To the last, I grapple with thee;  From Hell's heart, I stab at thee;
For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee."
		- Herman Melville, "Moby Dick"

"There are some people who read too much:  the bibliobibuli.  I know
some who are constantly drunk on books, as other men are drunk on
whiskey or religion.  They wander through this most diverting and
stimulating of worlds in a haze, seeing nothing and hearing nothing."
		- H.L. Mencken

"After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known
quotations."
		- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare

"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it
were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence."
		- H. L. Mencken

"If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to
please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely
girl."
		- H. L. Mencken

"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and
deserve to get it good and hard."
		- H. L. Mencken

"College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the
faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if
the trustees played. There would be a great increase in broken arms,
legs, and necks, and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the
loss to humanity."
		- H. L. Mencken

"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out
twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
		- H. L. Mencken

"Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American
public."
		- H. L. Mencken

"An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a
cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup."
		- H. L. Mencken

"The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age
brings wisdom."
		- H. L. Mencken

"Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking"
		- H. L. Mencken

"It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor
of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me
forever ineligible for public office."
		- H.L. Mencken

"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a
coffin."
		- H. L. Mencken

"It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know
that you would lie if you were in his place."
		- Henry Louis Mencken

"The American public knows what it wants, and deserves to get it good
and hard."
		- H. L. Mencken

"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands,
hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."
		- H.L. Mencken

"To consider persons and events and situations only in the light of
their effect upon myself is to live on the doorstep of Hell."
		- Thomas Merton

"Take your dying with some seriousness, however.  Laughing on the way
to your execution is not generally understood by less advanced life
forms, and they'll call you crazy."
		- "Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul"

"They can have my RSA key when they pry it from my cold dead fingers."
		- Perry Metzger (pmetzger@shearson.com)

"We could have set up our machines as Andrew workstations and relied
solely on Computing & Communications and AC&M for software and support.
However, our early experiences with Andrew led us to choose another
path."
		- Mike Meyer, Nov. 1991 _Cursor_, on the Statistics
		department computer setup

"An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but
because people refuse to see it."
		- James Michner, "Space"

"When the grammar checker identifies an error, it suggests a correction
and can even makes some changes for you."
		- Microsoft Word for Windows 2.0 User's Guide, p.35:

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and
degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing
is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is
willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal
safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless
made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."
		- John Stewart Mill

"...all ideas need to be heard, because each idea contains one aspect
of the truth.  By examining that aspect, we add to our own idea of the
truth.  Even ideas that have no truth in them whatsoever are useful
because by disproving them, we add support to our own ideas."
		- John Stuart Mill, "On Liberty"

"Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so."
		- John Stuart Mill

"Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in
exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday. Mannis feels he must
devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might emanate
from a recent statement he made comparing New York Mayor Ed Koch to
Nazi Martin Bormann. A spokesman from the Bormann estate said they are
weighing the odds of a slander suit.  Mayor Koch could naturally be
reached for comment, but we chose not to listen."
		- Dennis Miller, "Saturday Night Live"

"That's the news, and I am outta here!"
		- Dennis Miller, "Saturday Night Live"

"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you
could know how seldom they do."
		- Olin Miller

"I've created a new college council and we're going to submit the
proposal to them as soon as they exist."
		- Phil Miller

"What hath night to do with sleep?"
		- John Milton

"I bet the human brain is a kludge."
		- Marvin Minsky

"The fan awaits the shit, madame."
		- Moliere's The Misanthrope

"Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty
without any proof."
		- Ashley Montague

"Listen, strange women, lyin' in ponds, distributin' swords, is no
basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives
itself from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic
ceremony."
		- Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"Those who curse the universe, curse that which is deaf.  Those who
shake their fists, shake them at blind stars."
		- Michael Moorcock

"Bean, I still haven't had a Macintosh walk up to me and give me a blow
job."; "You're not treating them right."
		- Hugh Moore and Bean

"Figure out howl long it'll take, and multiply by two." (Significant
pause) "The hard part is figuring how many times to multiply by two".
		- Roger Moore

"You don't *run* programs on Ultrix."
		- Mark Moraes
"Right, you chase them."
		- Rayan Zachariassen

"We are on a threshold of a change in the universe comparable to the
transition from nonlife to life."
		- Hans Moravec on artificial intelligence

"The mail transport mechanism is trivial."
		- Jim Morris

"The person who walks alone is soon trailed by the FBI."
		- Wright Morris

"Architects believe that not only do they sit at the right hand of God,
but that if God ever gets up, they take the chair."
		- Karen Moyer, Design

"It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so
ingenious."
		- Edsel Murphy

"No job too big; no fee too big!"
		-Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman, "Ghost-busters"

"Jews always know two things: suffering and where to find great Chinese
food."
		- My Favorite Year

"So, Is it too early to hose andrew?"
		- John Myers

"Super-seniors, or tenured students?"
		- John Myers

"Show-page or no show-page-- there is no 'try'."
		- John Myers

"The best way to keep one's word, is not to give it."
		- Napoleon

"It follows that any commander in chief who undertakes to carry out a
plan which he considers defective is at fault; he must put forth his
reasons, insist of the plan being changed, and finally tender his
resignation rather than be the instrument of his army's downfall."
		- Napoleon, "Military Maxims and Thought"

"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."
		- Napoleon

"The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid
moves, only complicated stupid moves which make us wonder at the
possibility that there may be something to them we are missing."
		- Gamel Abdel Nasser

"I drink to make other people interesting."
		- George Jean Nathan

"Personally, should I ever form a globe spanning conglomerate, I intend
to do it fairly and without malice or dirty politics.  I hope you
fellows don't make that too difficult a task; I would have to have you
all killed."
		- David Neal (abbadon@nuchat.uucp)

"Probabilities are not very interesting when you are dead."
		- Peter G. Neumann

"I don't mind occasionally having to reinvent a wheel; I don't even
mind using someone's reinvented wheel occassionally.  But it helps a
lot if it is symmetric, contains no fewer than ten sides, and has the
axle centered.  I do tire of trapezoidal wheels with offset axles"
		- Joseph M. Newcomer

"Theories are more like graduate students - once admitted you try hard
to avoid flunking them out, it being much better for them and for the
world if they can become long term contributors to society"
		- Allen Newell

"You know, I've never seen snow before."
		- Dale Newfield, just before making his first snowman
		(the proper way)

"Please feed the 'Official UCC Spectator'.  Do not allow this person to
use network facilities.  (Position assigned, but not recommended, by
Academic Computing)"
		- Button worn by Chris Newman

"If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on
the shoulders of giants."
		- Isaac Newton

"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and
reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against
which to react.  He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily
in high schools."
		- 1921 New York Times editorial

"Finding out what goes on in the CIA is like performing acupuncture on
a rock."
		- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981

"Who are you and how did you get in here?"; "I'm a locksmith.  And, I'm
a locksmith."
		- Leslie Nielsen as Lieutenant Frank Drebins, "Police
		Squad! (in color)"

"In Germany, they came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up
because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't
speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade
unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was
Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to
speak up."
		- Rev. Martin Niemoeller

"It is not enough to prove something, one also has to seduce or elevate
people to it.  That is why the man of knowledge should learn how to
speak his wisdom: and often in such a way that it sounds like folly!"
		- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Little prigs and three-quarter madmen may have the conceit that the
laws of nature are constantly broken for their sakes."
		- Friedrich Nietzsche

"He divines remedies against injuries; he knows how to turn serious
accidents to his own advantage; whatever does not kill him makes him
stronger."
		- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Insanity is the exception in individuals. In groups, parties, people,
and times, it is the rule."
		- Friedrich Nietzsche

"... the Earth hath skin, and the skin hath diseases. One of these...
is called man."
		- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Ah, women.  They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent."
		- Friedrich Nietzsche

"The masses seem to me worthy of notice in only three respects: first
as blurred copies of great men, produced on bad paper with worn plates,
further as a resistance to the great, and finally as the tools of the
great; beyond that, may the devil and statistics take them"
		- Friedrich Nietzsche

"It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my
reasons for them!"
		- Nietzsche

"Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself."
		- Friedrich Nietzsche

"At times one remains faithful to a cause only because its opponents do
not cease to be insipid."
		- Nietzsche

"Please, Captain.  Not in front of the Klingons."
		- Leonard Nimoy as Spock in Star Trek V, The Final
		Frontier

"It's a nitwit idea. Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. The rest of the
time you go by the Book, which is mostly a collection of nitwit ideas
that worked."
		- Niven and Pournelle, "The Mote in God's Eye"

"I also believe that academic freedom should protect the right of a
professor or student to advocate Marxism, socialism, communism, or any
other minority viewpoint -- no matter how distasteful to the majority."
		- Richard M. Nixon

"I think Congress has spent enough time on ethics. I think its time
they moved on to something else."
		- Richard M. Nixon

"Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the
Presidency."
		- Richard M. Nixon

"If I could find a way to get [Saddam Hussein] out of there, even
putting a contract out on him, if the CIA still did that sort of a
thing, assuming it ever did, I would be for it."
		- Richard M. Nixon

"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed."
		- Sean O'Casey

"A penny for your thoughts?"; "A dollar for your death."
		- The Odd Couple

"America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from
barbarism to decadence without touching civilization."
		- John O'Hara

"A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows."
		- O'Henry

"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."
		- Olivier

"There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their
home."
		- Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment, 1977

"THE NEBRASKA STATE MOTTO: `I dunno. What do you wanna do?'"
		- Sharon O'Neil

"Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man."
		- J. Robert Oppenheimer, speaking of Albert Einstein

"In some sort of crude sense which no vulgarity, no humor, no
overstatement, can quite extinguish, the physicists have known sin; and
this is a knowledge which they cannot lose."
		- J. Robert Oppenheimer

"If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst at once into the sky
that would be like the splendor of the Mighty One... I am become Death,
the Shatterer of Worlds."
		- J. Robert Oppenheimer, quoting "The Bhagavad Gita",
		Alamogordo, New Mexico, 1945

"The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him
that he is already degraded."
		- George Orwell

"After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party?  Surely not
for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have
simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi."
		- P. J. O'Rourke

"The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treat the
patient who has the disease."
		- Sir William Osler

"I am not an actor- I'm a movie star!"
		- Peter O'Toole in "My Favorite Year"

"When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue
is not hereditary."
		- Thomas Paine

"These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the
sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their
country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of our
men and women. Tyranny, like Hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have
this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more
glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly:
it is dearness only that gives every thing its value."
		- Thomas Paine

"Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the
cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with
which more than half the bible is filled, it would seem more consistent
that we called it the word of a demon than the Word of God.  It is a
history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize
mankind..."
		- Thomas Paine

"...and how are you going to make education easy?  You might as well
try to build an athlete by keeping him in a hammock with cream puffs
and beer."
		- Edgar Pangborn

"This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with
great force."
		- Dorothy Parker

"Math is the art of avoiding computation."
		- B Parlett (UC Professor), 1989.

"When anyone says `theoretically,' they really mean `not really.'"
		- David Parnas

"I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being
unable to sit still in a room."
		- Blaise Pascal

"The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of."
		- Blaise Pascal

"We are upping our standards,...so up yours."
		- Pat Paulsen for President, 1988

"An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides
correctly, but he always decides."
		- John H. Patterson

"You don't win a war by dying for your country, you win a war by making
the other poor bastard die for his country"
		- George S. Patton

"Practically everyone but myself is a pusillanimous son of a bitch."
		- George S. Patton, Letter to Col. Codman, 1945.

"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will
surprise you with their ingenuity."
		- Gen George S. Patton, _War As I Knew It_ (1947)

"If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times
out of ten it will."
		- Paul Harvey News, 1979

"This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong."
		- Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper submitted by a physicist
		colleague.

"Development of hydro power in the desert of north Africa awaits only
the introduction of water..."
		- "Peaceful uses of Nuclear Explosives"

"Science is one thing and Wisdom is another.  Science is an edged tool,
with which men play like children, and cut their own fingers."
		- Thomas Love Peacock

"A masterful retreat is itself a victory."
		- N. V. Peale

"He who does not bellow the truth when he knows the truth makes himself
the accomplice of liars and forgers."
		- Charles Peguy

"Let our recreations be innocent and pursued with moderation: and never
let us suffer irregular indulgences to expose our character to derision
and contempt."
		- Pennsylvania Freemasonry

"You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on
the continuing viability of Fortran."
		- Alan Perlis

"It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to
program.  What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in
organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be
self-critical?"
		- Alan Perlis

"In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble."
		- Alan Perlis

"A Lisp programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of
nothing."
		- Alan Perlis

"The computing field is always in need of new cliches."
		- Alan Perlis

"I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor
do I feel that the world must live up to mine."
		- Fritz Perls

If you don't know what to do, call the media and at least give the
appearance of doing something.
		- David Peterson

"Genius is lasting 5 minutes longer than the other side."
		- Donald Petersen

"American induction is when you do something three times and get the
idea."
		- Dr. Karl Petersen (UNC Professor)

"We trained hard, but it seemed every time we were beginning to form up
into teams, we would be reorganised. I was to learn later in life that
we tend to meet any new situation by reorganising, and a wonderful
method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing
confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation"
		- Petronii Arbitri Satyricon, AD 66, attr. to Gaius
		Petronus

"What is defeat? Nothing but education, nothing but the first step
toward something better."
		- Wendell Phillips

"We must never forget that the ultimate purpose of an explosive is to
explode."
		- Petri Pihko

"The highest form of pure thought is in mathematics."
		- Plato

"In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain."
		- Pliny the Elder

"Prosperity tries the fortunate: adversity the great."
		- Pliny the Younger

"Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science
made of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of
facts is not necessarily science."
		- Henri Poincaire

"Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equpped with 18,000 vaccuum tubes
and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum
tubes and perhaps weigh 1 1/2 tons."
		- Popular Mechanics, March 1949

"Committees are, by nature, timid.  They are based on the premise of
safety in numbers; content to survive inconspicuously, rather than take
risks and move independantly ahead.  Without independence, without the
freedom for new ideas to be tried, to fail, and to ultimately succeed,
the world will not move ahead, but live in fear of its own potential."
		- Prof. Dr. Ing. h.c. F. Porsche

"If one does not fail at times, then one has not challenged himself"
		- Prof. Dr. Ing. h.c. F. Porsche

"The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they
foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little."
		- Porterfield

"One murder makes a villain, millions a hero."
		- Beilby Porteus

"Strike suddenly, decisively, and in sufficient force to resolve the
matter. Do it quickly, and do it with minimum loss of life."
		- General Colin Powell

"A university professor set an examination question in which he asked
what is the difference between ignorance and apathy. The professor had
to give an A+ to a student who answered; I don't know and I don't care"
		- Richard Pratt, Pacific Computer Weekly, 20 July 1990

"In ecology, as in economics, TANSTAAFL (There Ain't No Such Thing As A
Free Lunch) is intended to warn that every gain is won at some cost.
Failure to recognize the 'no free lunch' law causes the buffalo-hunter
mentality syndrome -- the unthinking assumption that there will always
be plenty because there always has been plenty."
		- Dr. Robert W. Prehoda

"Life's a bitch, and life's got lots of sisters."
		- Ross Presser

"We're going to use prototypes?!?  Oh. My. God!"
		- Josh Pritikin

"It worked once; it's got to work every time."
		- Josh Pritikin

"A city is a large community where people are lonesome together"
		- Herbert Prochnow

"What do they call a comedian who doesn't get any laughs?  A
philosopher."
		- Phil Proctor

"It is seldom indeed that one parts on good terms, because if one were
on good terms, one would not part."
		- Marcel Proust

"Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand
what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not
understand."
		- Putt's Law

"If we don't succeed, then we run the risk of failure."
		- Dan Quayle

"...Yes, the lectures are optional.  Graduation is also optional."
		- Professor Brian Quinn

"A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman
out of a divorce."
		- Don Quinn

"We're engineers.  What's Pi?  Oh, about three"
		- Jen Quiren
"Yes, but it is more regularly noted as being in the order of ten to
the first."
		- Christy

"I don't want to be a software engineer.  I want to design weapons of
mass destruction."
		- Jen Quirin (attributed)

"So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked
what is the root of money?"
		- Ayn Rand

"I feel Clinton's opposing the Vietnam War isn't an issue, and I
probably would have done the same.  As far as Clinton supposedly
cheating on his wife, what do people think he's going to do?  Be
president of another country while he's president of ours?"
		- Tom R., age 12, Woodstock, IL in the Chicago Tribune,
		11/3/92.

"You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake."
		- Jeannette Rankin

"I hate life, I hate death and everything in between just doesn't
interest me."
		- Chris Rapier

"Mister Order, he runs a very good pace  But old Mother Chaos is
winning the race."
		- Lord Omar Khayaam Ravenhurst K.S.C.

"Imposition of Order = Escalation of Chaos."
		- Lord Omar Khayaam Ravenhurst K.S.C.

"Options to reboot are:  -n   Avoids the sync.  It can be used if a
disk or the processor is on fire."
		- reboot(8)

"There will be more white belts there than you can shake a stick at ...
safely."
		- Red

"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In
practice, there is."
		- Chuck Reid

"Property in ideas is an insoluble contradiction.  [He who complains of
"theft" of his idea] complains that something has been stolen which he
still possesses, and he wants back something which, if given to him a
thousand times, would add nothing to his possession."
		- H. Rentzsch, Geistiges Eigenthum, 1866.

"The quality of the crate matters little.  It is the quality of the man
sitting in the crate that counts"
		- Baron von Richtofen, aka The Red Baron

"Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human
beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by
side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them
which makes it possible for each to see each other whole against the
sky."
		- Rainer Rilke

"Mind you, not as bad as the night Archie Pettigrew ate some sheep's
testicles for a bet...  God, that bloody sheep kicked him..."
		- Ripping Yarns

"There are a lot of standards committees"
		- Dennis Ritchee referring to UNIX standards

"Steve Jobs has said that Xwindows is brain-damaged and will disappear
in two years. He got it half right."
		- (reportedly) Dennis Ritchie

 "I came here to say that I do not recognize anyone's right to one
 minute of my life. Nor to any part of my energy.  Nor to any
 achievement of mine. No matter who makes the claim, how large their
 number or how great their need."
		- Howard Roark

"Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been
sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful,
rebellious, and immature."
		- Tom Robbins

"Typos in FINNEGANS WAKE? How could you tell?"
		- Kim Stanley Robinson

"If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who
commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron."
		- Spider Robinson, "MindKiller"

"...while I know many people who emphatically believe in reincarnation,
I have never met or read one who could satisfactorily explain
population growth."
		- Spider Robinson

"I believe that the power to make money is a gift from God."
		- John D. Rockefeller

"Only a brave person is willing honestly to admit, and fearlessly to
face, what a sincere and logical mind discovers."
		- Rodan of Alexandria

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just
sit there."
		- Will Rogers


 -----------------------------------------------------------------
  Tom Strong              N3NBB              ts49+@andrew.cmu.edu

From: strong+@CMU.EDU (Thomas W. Strong, Jr.)
Date: 7 Jan 93 23:59:35 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.quotations
Subject: misc, 3/3

"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why
don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from
learning anything?  If it works as good as the Prohibition one did,
why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."
		- Will Rogers

"The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he
has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'"
		- Will Rogers

"Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know
any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he
doesn't know much."
		- Will Rogers

"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole
government working for you."
		- Will Rogers

"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing -- and that
was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
		- Will Rogers

"I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat."
		- Will Rogers

"There is not a man in the country that can't make a living for himself
and family. But he can't make a living for them *and* his government,
too, the way his government is living. What the government has got to
do is live as cheap as the people."
		- Will Rogers

"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than
golf has."
		- Will Rogers

"Nothing you can't spell will ever work."
		- Will Rogers

"You can't say civilizations don't advance...in every war they kill you
in a new way."
		- Will Rogers

"I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like
to run their own business.  I know men that would make my wife a better
husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em."
		- Will Rogers

"Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches."
		- Will Rogers

"Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high
taxes."
		- Will Rogers

"If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a
year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep."
		- Will Rogers

"I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope
they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em."
		- Will Rogers

"On account of us being a democracy and run by the people, we are the
only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no
matter what it does."
		- Will Rogers

"People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent
plausible."
		- Will Rogers

"I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to
the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about
us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at
heart."
		- Will Rogers

"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things
they make it easier to do don't need to be done."
		- Andy Rooney

"We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center
of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week,
but for some reason nobody's ever done it."
		- Andy Rooney

"I have one of those real old American built cars.  The kind that just
PUNCHES through accidents."
		- Kevin Rooney

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
		- Eleanor Roosevelt

"A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never
learned to walk."
		- Franklin D. Roosevelt

"I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird, and not
enough the bad luck of the early worm."
		- Franklin D. Roosevelt

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
		- Theodore Roosevelt

"The great virtue of my radicalism lies in the fact that I am perfectly
ready, if necessary, to be radical on the conservative side."
		- Theodore Roosevelt

"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know
whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'"
		- Theodore Roosevelt

"The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to
do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling
with them while they do it."
		- Theodore Roosevelt

"Conservative: One who admires radicals centuries after they're dead."
		- Leo C. Rosten

"The race may not always be to the swift nor the victory to the strong,
but that's how you bet."
		- Damon Runyon

"I long ago came to the conclusion that all life is six to five
against."
		- Damon Runyon

"Many people would rather die than think; in fact, most do."
		- Bertrand Russell

"'Change' is scientific, 'progress' is ethical; change is indubitable,
whereas progress is a matter of controversy."
		- Bertrand Russell

"What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out,
which is the exact opposite."
		- Bertrand Russell, "Sceptical Essays", 1928

"In all things it is a good idea to hang a question mark now and then
on the things we have taken for granted."
		- Bertrand Russell

"It has been said that man is a rational animal.  All my life I have
been searching for evidence which could support this."
		- Bertrand Russell

"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief
that one's work is terribly important."
		- Bertrand Russell

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always
so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
		- Bertrand Russell

"Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial
reasons."
		- Bertrand Russell

"Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting."
		- John Russell

"What IS a `moderate Iranian', anyway?  Someone who takes hostages but
doesn't eat them?"
		- Mark Russell

"Eternal peace lasts only until the next war."
		- Russian Proverb

"Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore."
		- Russian Proverb

"Write-Protect Tab, n: A small sticker created to cover the unsightly
notch carelessly left by disk manufacturers.  The use of the tab
creates an error message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far
outweighs the momentary inconvenience."
		- Robb Russon

"All science is either physics or stamp collecting."
		- E. Rutherford

"You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than
about 10-12 to 1."
		- Ernest Rutherford

"Life always sucks.  It's just that sometimes that feels very good."
		- Kevin Ryan

"All military type firearms are to be handed in immediately... The SS,
SA and Stahlhelm give every respectable German man the opportunity of
campaigning with them.  Therefore anyone who does not belong to one of
the above named organisations and who unjustifiably nevertheless keeps
his weapon... must be regarded as an enemy of the national government."
		- SA Oberfuhrer of Bad Tolz, March, 1933.

"You say that my way of thinking cannot be tolerated?  What of it?  The
man who alters his way of thinking to suit others is a fool.  My way of
thinking is the result of my reflections.  It is part of my inner
being, the way I am made.  I do not contradict them, and would not even
if I wished to.  For my system, which you disapprove of, is also my
greatest comfort in life, the source of all my happiness --- it means
more to me than my life itself."
		- Marquis de Sade

"A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking (meant) for
others!"
		- Donatien-Alphonse-Francois de Sade

"Knowing how things work is the basis for appreciation, and is thus a
source of civilized delight."
		- William Safire

"In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a
really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would
actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them
again.  They really do it.  It doesn't happen as often as it should,
because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful.  But it
happens every day.  I cannot recall the last time someting like that
happened in politics or religion."
		- Carl Sagan, 1987 CSICOP Keynote Address

"All of the books in the world contain no more information than is
broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year.
Not all bits have equal value."
		- Carl Sagan

"It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to
have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no
human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese."
		- Carl Sagan

"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by
which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense."
		- Carl Sagan

"The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human
ambition."
		- Carl Sagan

"Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a
humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a
universe in which there are far more galaxies than people."
		- Carl Sagan

"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the
universe."
		- Carl Sagan, Cosmos

"A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to
suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism."
		- Carl Sagan, "Contact"

"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that
all who are laughed at are geniuses.  They laughed at Columbus, they
laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers.  But they also
laughed at Bozo the Clown."
		- Carl Sagan

"In an optimal world, I would not be necessary."
		- James Price Salsman

"Remember folks.  Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70
mph."
		- Jim Samuels

"This is no time to act like a gentleman.  I am a cad and shall react
like one."
		- George Sanders

"Skepticism is the chastity of the intellect, and it is shameful to
surrender it too soon or to the first comer: there is nobility in
preserving it coolly and proudly through long youth, until at last, in
the ripeness of instinct and discretion, it can be safely exchanged for
fidelity and happiness."
		- George Santayana

"My atheism, like that of Spinoza, is true piety towards the universe
and denies only gods fashioned by men in their own image, to be
servants of their human interests."
		- George Santayana

"Each religion, by the help of more or less myth which it takes more or
less seriously, proposes some method of fortifying the human soul and
enabline it to make its peace with its destiny."
		- George Santayana

"There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval."
		- George Santayana

Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored.
		- George Saunders' dying words

"Recently, my personal advisors have beeen telling me to go to
America.  Actually, people have been walking up to me in the street and
telling me to sod off, but that's the same thing, isn't it?"
		- Alexi Sayle

"Americans have different ways of saying things.  They say `elevator',
we say `lift'...they say `President', we say `stupid psychopathic
git'...."
		- Alexi Sayle

"Oh, what tangled webs we weave, When we first practice to deceive."
		- Sir Walter Scott

"If someone tells you that the fully armored man of the Middle Ages was
so encumbered by his armor that he could not rise if he fell, you may
well ask yourself, first, if it is reasonable to assume that
professional soldiers would go on wearing armor that kept them from
fighting and second, if this theory is in line with what you know of
the heavily armored men of your personal acquaintance."
		- Niccola Sebastiani

"He should be most proud that the PMRC wants to put their obscene
lyrics sticker on his `Jazz From Hell' -- which is an instrumental
album."
		- Tony Shepps

"Immortality -- a fate worse than death."
		- Edgar A. Shoaff

"If you want to know your true opinion of someone, watch the effect
produced in you by the first sight of a letter from him."
		- Arthur Schopenhauer

"For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond
scum."
		- J.W. Schopf

"Grapenut is working, but it is working as Chestnut.  The cables have
been switched, so Chestnut printing continues even though Chestnut the
printer is in bed with a cold.  Grapenut printing has been halted, even
though Grapenut the printer is printing under an assumed name
(Chestnut)."
		- Jason Schreibeis, from an Operations ser

"If we are going to stick to this damned quantum-jumping, then I regret
that I ever had anything to do with quantum theory."
		- Erwin Schrodinger

"If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong."
		- Norm Schryer

"No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it."
		- C. Schutlz

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more
violent.  It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move
in the opposite direction."
		- E. F. Schumacher

"As far as Saddam Hussein being a great military strategist, he is
neither a strategist, nor is he schooled in the operational arts, nor
is he a tactician, nor is he a general, nor is he as a soldier.  Other
than that, he's a great military man, I want you to know that."
		- General Norman Schwarzkopf, 2/27/91

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-----"
		- General John Sedgewick, Union Army Last Words, 1864

"One form to rule them all, one form to find them, one form to bring
them all and in the darkness rewrite the hell out of them"
		- sendmail ruleset 3 comment from DEC.

"...adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them."
		- Dr. Seuss (as quoted in his obit in Time)

"Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to
live in the real world."
		- Mary Shafer, NASA Ames Dryden

"To thine own self be true -; And it must follow as the night the day;
Thou canst not be false to any man"
		- William Shakespeare

"Wretched woman to both assault my genetailia and deny me the chance to
lie about it later!  (You know, that is one whopper of an
out-of-context quote.)"
		- Mike Shapiro.

'It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because
if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of
people.'
		- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"

"One of the advantages of being a captain is being able to ask for
advice without necessarily having to take it."
		- William Shatner as Kirk, in "Dagger of the Mind"

"I'm from Iowa, I only work in space."
		- William Shatner as Kirk, in "Star Trek IV:The Voyage
		Home"

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it
ceases to be serious when people laugh."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it"
		- G. B. Shaw

"Do you know what a pessimist is? A person who thinks everybody is as
nasty as himself and hates them for it."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man
manages his affairs as well as a tree does."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Life is a disease; and the only diference between one another is the
stage of the disease at which he lives."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"I often quote myself.  It adds spice to my conversation."
		- George Benard Shaw

"I dread success.  To have succeeded is to have finished one's business
on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment
he has succeeded in his courtship.  I like a state of continual
becoming, with a goal in front and not behind."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than
we deserve."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"England and America are two countries seperated by the same language."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Success covers a multitude of blunders."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the
incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"She had lost the art of conversation, but not, unfortunately, the
power of speech."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always
declares that it is his duty."
		- GB Shaw

"The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to
be indifferent to them:  that's the essence of inhumanity."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those
who have not got it."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.  Therefore all
progress depends on the unreasonable man."
		- George Bernard Shaw

"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of
fools. Let's start with typewriters."
		- Solomon Short

"Nature abhors a hero.  For one thing, he violates the law of
conservation of energy.  For another, how can it be the survival of the
fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he
is most likely to be creamed?"
		- Solomon Short

"The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky"
		- Solomon Short

"Pay no attention to what the critics say; there has never been set up
a statue in honor of a critic."
		- Jean Sibelius

"Life is too important to take seriously."
		- Corky Siegel

"X windows.  It could be worse, but it'll take time."
		- from a SIGGRAPH flyer

"BUGS: This manual page is still confusing"
		- sigvec(2), BSD 4.3

"Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit.  Someone ought to take it away from him
before he cuts himself."
		- Peter da Silva

"Of course they can't trust the users.  That's part of the Prime
Directive."
		- Chuck Silvers, about the powers-that-be

"Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has just been fixed."
		- Ray Simard

"Goto, n.:  A programming tool that exists to allow structured
programmers to complain about unstructured programmers."
		- Ray Simard

"In the beginning was the word. But by the time the second word was
added to it, there was trouble. For with it came syntax..."
		- John Simon

"When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself."
		- Isaac Bashevis Singer

"[Jupiter's] satellites are invisible to the naked eye and therefore
can have no influence on the Earth and therefore would be useless and
therefore do not exist."
		- Francesco Sizi, quoted by T. Cox

"Education is what survives when what has been learned has been
forgotten"
		- B.F. Skinner

"The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the
past, only far more expensive."
		- John Sladek

"Trust me... I know what I'm doing."
		- Sledge Hammer

"We have given away far too many freedoms in order to be free.  Now
it's time to take some back."
		- George Smiley

"I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the
house.  And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way
she wants to."
		- Yakov Smirnoff

"He had occasional flashes of silence, that made his conversation
perfectly delightful."
		- Sydney Smith, referring to Macaulay

"DEC achieved this by an aggresive design that uses a lower-than-usual
voltage (3.5V), unusually thick metal layers in a three-layer design,
and very high power consumption (30 watts---one DEC engineer, in
response to a question about whether this chip would be suitable for
palmtops, replied that it might be more suited for building a toaster
oven)."
		- Matthew Smosna and Robert B. K. Dewar, "Analyzing
		Alpha's Architecture", _Open_Systems_Today_

"I see your point. And raise you a line"
		- Elliot Smorodinsky

"Red meat is NOT bad for you.  Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for
you!"
		- Tommy Smothers

"Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder
aloud what the country could do under first-class management."
		- Senator Soaper

"Do not be angry with me if I tell you the truth."
		- Socrates
"Tell the Truth and run."
		- Yugoslav proverb

"The intelligence of the driver is inversely proportional to the height
of his tires."
		- Sokol's Law

"The man the state has put in place must have obedient hearing to his
least command when it is right, and even when it's not."
		- Sophocles

"The only truly secure system is one that is powered off, cast in a
block of concrete and sealed in a lead-lined room with armed guards --
and even then I have my doubts."
		- Eugene H. Spafford

"We Americans want peace, and it is now evident that we must be
prepared to demand it.  For other peoples have wanted peace, and the
peace they received was the peace of death."
		- the Most Rev. Francis J. Spellman, Archbishop of New
		York.  22 September, 1940

"Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman
numerals."
		- Henry Spencer

"Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it -
poorly."
		- Henry Spencer

"We're thinking about upgrading from SunOS 4.1.1 to SunOS 3.5."
		- Henry Spencer

"A Multitasking Timex Sinclair"
		- Matt Sorrels in reference to Andrew running X-Windows

"Start slow and taper off."
		- Walt Stack

"Science cannot stop while ethics catches up -- and nobody should
expect scientists to do all the thinking for the country."
		- Elvin Stackman

"If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a
lever to get a "fix" of something, to its own detriment, then I would
conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine."
		- Rob Stampfli

"If the programmer can simulate a construct faster then the compiler
can implement the construct itself, then the compiler writer has blown
it badly."
		- Guy L. Steele, Jr., Tartan Laboratories

"The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a
cause,  while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly
for one."
		- William Stekel

"Distributed file systems are a cruel hoax."
		- Zalman Stern, former ITC hacker diety

"When faced with a problem, some people say 'Let's use AWK.'  Now they
have two problems."
		- Zalman Stern

"The problem with the cutting edge is that someone has to bleed."
		- Zalman Stern

"This is the most unprofessional production I've  ever worked on!
Nobody knows where they're going, or what they're doing, except, of
course, for *ME*"
		- Steve, "The Wizard of Speed and Time"

"While today's digital hardware is extremely impressive, it is clear
that the human retina's real time performance goes unchallenged.
Actually to simulate 10 milliseconds of the complete processing of even
a single nerve cell from the retina would require the solution of about
500 simultaneous nonlinear differential equations 100 times and would
take at least several minutes of time on a Cray supercomputer. Keeping
in mind that there are 10 million or more such cells interacting with
each other in complex ways, it would take a minimum of 100 years of
Cray time to simulate what takes place in your eye many times each
second."
		- John K. Stevens, "Reverse Engineering the Brain",
		Byte

"A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular."
		- Adlai Stevenson

"Newpaper editors are men who separate the wheat from the chaff, and
then print the chaff."
		- Adlai Stevenson

"Eggheads unite!  You have nothing to lose but your yolks."
		- Adlai Stevenson

"Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they can be terribly
misleading. Debug only code."
		- Dave Storer

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a
garage makes you an automobile."
		- Billy Sunday

"Hey Man, I'm  drinking wine, eating cheese and catching some rays."
		- Donald Sutherland as Oddball, in "Kelly's Heros"

"When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues
the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as men do to a
whore."
		- Jonathan Swift

"Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm."
		- Publilius Syrus

"Those who have never tried electronic communication may not be aware
of what a "social skill" really is.  One social skill that must be
learned, is that other people have points of view that are not only
different, but *threatening*, to your own.  In turn, your opinions may
be threatening to others.  There is nothing wrong with this.  Your
beliefs need not be hidden behind a facade, as happens with
face-to-face conversation.  Not everybody in the world is a bosom
buddy, but you can still have a meaningful conversation with them.  The
person who cannot do this lacks in social skills."
		- Nick Szabo

"Oil prices have fallen lately.  We include this news for the benefit
of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six monts."
		- Bill Tammeus, in Toronto's National Newspaper,
		03/08/91

"The nice thing about standards is that you have so many to choose
from.  Furthermore, if you do not like any of them, you can just wait
for next year's model."
		- Tanenbaum, "Computer Networks"

"Better stop short than fill to the brim.
  Oversharpen the blade, and the edge will soon blunt.  Amass a store
  of gold and jade, and no one can protect it.  Claim wealth and
  titles, and disaster will follow.  Retire when the work is done.
  This is the way of heaven."
		- Tao Te Ching

"Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not
take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously."
		- Booth Tarkington

"The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be
pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues."
		- Elizabeth Taylor

"Never write it in C if you can do it in `awk';
 Never do it in `awk' if `sed' can handle it; Never use `sed' when `tr'
 can do the job; Never invoke `tr' when `cat' is sufficient; Avoid
 using `cat' whenever possible"
		- Taylor's Laws of Programming

"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to
admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients.  Still, the fact
remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one
reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell.  It
is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties of
using indirect spells.  It also does no harm, in dealing with these
matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times."
		- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII

"In the Norse mythology Loki originally was on the side of the rest of
the gods, helping them once or twice using a particularly nast forms of
trickery. He was a cunning negotiator with a talent for
technicalities.  He was sort of the Norse equivalent of a lawyer, no
doubt the reason they tied him down in a pit dripping acidic venom on
him."
		- Martin Terman

"Reality is that which hurts when you trip over it"
		- Thag

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone,
but they've always worked for me."
		- Hunter S. Thompson

"A cap of good acid costs five dollars and for that you can hear the
Universal Symphony with God singing solo and the Holy Ghost on drums."
		- Hunter S. Thompson

"I have a theory that the truth is never told during the 9 to 5 hours."
		- Hunter S. Thompson

"Just think, IBM and DEC in the same room, and we did it."
		- Ken Thompson, quoted by Dennis Ritchie

"Andrew is the operating system of the future and always will be."
		- Mary R. Thompson

"It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve
a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more
glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through
which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the
day, that is the highest of arts."
		- Henry David Thoreau, "Where I Live"

"I have learned this at least by my experiment: if one advances
confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the
life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common
hours."
		- Henry David Thoreau

"Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such
desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the
music which he hears, however measured or far away."
		- H.D. Thoreau, "Walden"

"That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest."
		- Henry David Thoreau

"Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life so. Aim
above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something."
		- Henry David Thoreau

"Be true to your work, your word, and your friend."
		- Thoreau

"Its better to know some of the questions, than all of the answers."
		- James Thurber

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a
rat."
		- Lily Tomlin

"We may hope that machines will eventually compete with men in all
purely intellectual fields. But which are the best ones to start with?
Many people think that a very abstract activity, like the playing of
chess, would be best.  It can also be maintained that it is best to
provide the machine with the best sense organs that money can buy, and
then teach it to understand and speak English."
		- Alan M. Turing

"The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical
cord."
		- Turnaucka's Law

"Sorry for the disaster.  And thanks for your patience!"
		- Chris Thyberg

"Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant
intelligence."
		- Henrik Tikkanen

"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"
		- Time Bandits

"A bazooka is the skeleton key of the impatient."
		- Will Timmins (wt0b@andrew.cmu.edu)

"'I wish life was not so short,' he thought.  'Languages take such a
time, and so do all the things one wants to know about.'"
		- J. R. R. Tolkien, "The Lost Road"

"I know that most men, including those at ease with problems of the
greatest complexity, can seldom accept even the simplest and most
obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity
of conlusions which they have delighted in explaining to colleages,
which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven,
thread by thread, into the fabric of their lives."
		- Leo Tolstoy

"The strongest of all warriors are these two -- Time and Patience."
		- Leo Tolstoy

"The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers
that it can bribe the public with the public's money"
		- Alexis de Toucqueville

"I don't care where I sit, as long as I get fed."
		- Calvin Trillin

"Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man."
		- Trotsky

"... an OS originally designed for a microprocessor that modern kitchen
appliances would sneer at...."
		- Dave Trowbridge, about MS-DOS, in _Computer
		Technology Review_, Aug 90

"If there is one basic element in our Constitution, it is civilian
control of the military."
		- Harry S. Truman

"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
		- Harry S. Truman

"Whoo-oop!  I'm the old original iron-jawed, brass-mounted,
copper-bellied corpse-maker from the wilds of Arkansaw!  Look at me!
I'm the man they call Sudden Death and General Desolation!  Sired by a
hurricane, dam'd by an earthquake, half-brother to the cholera, nearly
related to the small pox on my mother's side!  Look at me!  I take
nineteen alligators and a bar'l of whisky for breakfast when I'm in
robust health, and a bushel of rattlesnakes and a dead body when I'm
ailing!  I split the everlasting rocks with my glance, and I squench
the thunder when I speak!  Whoo-oop!  Stand back and give me room
according to my strength!  Blood's my natural drink, and the wails of
the dying is music to my ear!  Cast your eye on me, gentlemen!--and lay
low and hold your breath, for I'm 'bout to turn myself loose!"
		- Mark Twain

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know."
		- Mark Twain

"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time
to reform."
		- Mark Twain

"Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last
you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his
atlantic with his verb in his mouth."
		- Mark Twain

"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who
can't read them."
		- Mark Twain

"God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board"
		- Mark Twain

"There is something fascinating about science.  One gets such wholesale
returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact."
		- Mark Twain

"There is no distinctly native American criminal class except
Congress."
		- Mark Twain

"A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was
waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity."
		- Mark Twain

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels.  If a man should challenge me, I
would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a
quiet place and kill him."
		- Mark Twain

"Sacred cows make the best hamburger."
		- Mark Twain

"Always acknowledge a fault.  This will throw those in authority off
their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more."
		- Mark Twain

"How come we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because
we are not the person involved."
		- Mark Twain

"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you
like."
		- Mark Twain

"There are lies, damned lies, and statistics."
		- Mark Twain

"If a person offend you and you are in doubt as to whether it was
intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures.  Simply watch
your chance and hit him with a brick."
		- Mark Twain, "Advice to Youth" Speech, 1882

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good  impromptu
speech."
		- Mark Twain

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain."
		- Mark Twain

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.  The world owes
you nothing.  It was here first."
		- Mark Twain

"Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to."
		- Mark Twain

"I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the
nominating"
		- Boss Tweed

"We are just tenants on this world.  We have just been given a new
lease, and a warning from the landlord."
		- 2010

"The woman of my dreams knows how to break into systems."
		- Doug Tygar

"Fundamentalists are to Christianity what paint-by-numbers is to art."
		- Robin Tyler

"He who knows does not speak, He who speaks does not know."
		- Lao Tzu

"[Advise] the ruler to govern the state as one cooks a small fish --
that is, don't turn it so often in the pan that it disintegrates."
		- Lao Tzu

"The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and
robbers there will be. "
		- Lao Tzu

"To conquer the enemy without resorting to war is the most desirable.
The highest form of generalship is to conquer the enemy by strategy."
		- Sun Tzu, "The Art of War"

"War is a matter of vital importance to the State; the province of life
or death; the road to survival or ruin. It is mandatory that it be
thoroughly studied."
		- Sun Tzu

"What's the difference between the window manager and the computer club
window manager?  Well, one's supported software and the other isn't.
Your guess is as good as mine."
		- The UCC Crowd

"As part of the conversion, computer specialists rewrote 1,500 programs
-- a process that traditionally requires some debugging."
		- USA Today, referring to the IRS switchover to a new
		computer system.

"The biggest things are always the easiest to do because there is no
competition."
		- William Van Horne

"A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
won't cross the street to vote in a national election."
		- Bill Vaughan

"All business sagacity reduces itself in the last analysis to judicious
use of sabotage."
		- Thorstein Veblen

"It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail."
		- Gore Vidal

"Don't let it end like this.  Tell them I said something."
		- Last words of Pancho Villa

"It's simple. It's just things with chalk on a board."
		- Helmut Vogel, when asked to explain a physics
		equation

"Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock
strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to
instruct  them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and
unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one
starts lawsuits over their wills."
		- Voltaire

"It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity
would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance
from knowledge"
		- Voltaire

"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord,
make my enemies ridiculous."  And God granted it."
		- Voltaire

"The superfluous is very necessary."
		- Voltaire

"It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and it's
a pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight into
the sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their color."
		- Voltaire

"It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that
virginity could be a virtue."
		- Voltaire

"A witty saying proves nothing."
		- Voltaire

"Anything too stupid to be said is sung."
		- Voltaire

"Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper
is from the wrong kind of tree."
		- Prof. W.

"And for now, just remember, With your shield or on it!"
		- Sue W.

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
		- H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in
contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers
of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded
and dull, but also just stupid."
		- J. D. Watson, "The Double Helix"

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
		- Scott Watson

"Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."
		- Wernher von Braun

"Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the
only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor."
		- Wernher von Braun

"We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming."
		- Wernher von Braun

"I have learned to use the word `impossible' with the greatest
caution."
		- Wernher von Braun

"Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and
finds himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us.  "He is full of
murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by
their ignorance the hard way."
		- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"

"You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right?  Please
wait until I am wrong."
		- John von Neumann, on being phoned at 10 a.m.

"There's no sense in being precise when you don't even know what you're
talking about."
		- John von Neumann

"There's no sense in being precise when you don't even know what you're
talking about"
		- John von Neumann

"Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits
is, of course, in a state of sin."
		- John von Neumann

"I didn't think it could be done, though given Sun's track record, I
suppose that I shouldn't be surprised that they've managed to produce
an even worse keyboard than any that they previously had on the
market."
		- Steve Wadlow

"A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms."
		- George Wald

"It won't be covered in the book.  The source code has to be useful for
something, after all...  :-)"
		- Larry Wall in <10160@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>

"Does the same as the system call of that name. If you don't know what
it does, don't worry about it."
		- Larry Wall in the perl man page regarding chroot(2)

"[End of diatribe.  We now return you to your regularly scheduled
programming...]"
		- Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution

"It is easier to port a shell than a shell script."
		- Larry Wall

"No, I'm not going to explain it.  If you can't figure it out, you
didn't want to know anyway...  :-)"
		- Larry Wall in <1991Aug7.180856.2854@netlabs.com>

"Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.   :-)"
		- Larry Wall in  <8571@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV>

"Before the Gulf War started, the Iraqi Army was the the fourth largest
in the world. Now, its the second largest army in Iraq."
		- Wall Street Journal, March 15, 1991

"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do."
		- Joe Walsh

"In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow you to get some
entertainment out of it."
		- Daniel Waters

"I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to
sacrifice my wife's brother."
		- Artemus Ward

"Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?"
		- Artemus Ward

"They say that time changes things, but actually you have to change
them yourself."
		- Andy Warhol

"Government is not reason; it is not eloquence; it is force! It is a
dangerous servant and a terrible master."
		- George Washington

"At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial
challenge roughly comparable to herding cats."
		- The Washington Post Magazine, June 9, 1985

"Now let me explain why this makes intuitive sense."
		- Prof. Larry Wasserman

"I think there's a world market for about five computers."
		- Thomas J Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM.

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists
elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
		- Bill Watterson, cartoonist

"Relative calm is expected in South Central Los Angeles for the next
several weeks, as looters stay home and try to program their new VCRs."
		- Weekend Update

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless
there are three other people."
		- Orson Welles

"In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be
Light.' And there was still nothing. But, you could see it."
		- Dave Weinstein (dweinste@isis.cs.du.edu)

"The chalk marks are transient, the formulas eternal."
		- S. Weinstein

"As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error."
		- Weisert

"Man is not a machine... Although man most certainly processes
information, he does not necessarily process it in the way computers
do. Computers and men are not species of the same genus... However much
intelligence computers may attain, now or in the furture, theirs must
always be an intelligence alien to genuine human problems and
concerns."
		- Joseph Weizenbaum

"Non-violence is the policy of the vegetable kingdom"
		- H. G. Wells

"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was."
		- Walt West

"Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them
to the eyes of men."
		- Brooke Foss Westcott

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered
as a means of communication.  The device is inherently of no value to
us."
		- Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the
library."
		- Westheimer's Discovery

"Two and two continue to make four, in spite of the whine of the
amateur for three, or the cry of the critic for five."
		- James McNeill Whistler

"We find no evidence that Congress intended to modify the nostrum to
read, 'crime does not pay, except for attorney's fees.'"
		- Justice Byron R. White

"Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people
are right more than half the time."
		- E. B. White

"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested
and the frog dies of it."
		- E. B. White

"Any appeasement of tyranny is treason to this republic and to the
democratic ideal."
		- William Allen White

"The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve
change amid order."
		- Alfred North Whitehead

"Then I realized that I had spelled '-' wrong."
		- John Whitmore learns APL

"If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend,
Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end."
		- Bert Whitney

"What most experimenters take for granted before they begin their
experiments is infinitely more interesting than any results to which
their experiments lead."
		- Norbert Wiener

"Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called
upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason."
		- Oscar Wilde

"My great mistake, the fault for which I can't forgive myself, is that
one day I ceased my obstinate pursuit of my own individuality."
		- Oscar Wilde

"There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well
written or badly written."
		- Oscar Wilde

"I sometimes think that God, in creating man, overestimated His
ability."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
every six months."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow."
		- Oscar Wilde

"The English country gentleman galloping after a fox -- the unspeakable
in full pursuit of the uneatable."
		- Oscar Wilde

"To be good, according to the vulgar standard of goodness, is obviously
quite easy. It merely requires a certain amount of sordid terror, a
certain lack of imaginative thought, and a certain low passion for
middle-class respectability."
		- Oscar Wilde

"The fact is, that civilization requires slaves. The Greeks were quite
right there. Unless there are slaves to do the ugly, horrible,
uninteresting work, culture, and contemplation become almost
impossible. Human slavery is wrong, insecure, and demoralizing. On
mechanical slavery, on the slavery of the machine, the future of the
world depends."
		- Oscar Wilde

"The basis for optimism is sheer terror."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for
the people."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Alas, I am dying beyond my means."
		- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed

"Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called
upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason."
		- Oscar Wilde

"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it."
		- Oscar Wilde

"It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Action is the last refuge of those who cannot dream."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Why was I born with such contemporaries?"
		- Oscar Wilde

"Only the shallow know themselves."
		- Oscar Wilde

"As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its
fascination.  When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be
popular."
		- Oscar Wilde

"To be willing to die for an ideal is to set a rather high price on
conjecture."
		- Oscar Wilde (?)

"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."
		- Oscar Wilde

"Wherever you get near the human race, there's just layers and layers
of nonsense."
		- Thornton Wilder

"As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it
wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought.  Debugging had
to be discovered.  I can remember the exact instant when I realized
that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in
finding mistakes in my own programs."
		- Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949

"If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the
Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's
statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone
directory containing listings for all the organizations with titles
beginning with the word `National'."
		- George Will

"The Berlin Wall is the defining achievement of socialism."
		- George Will

"Football is a mistake.  It combines the two worst elements of American
life.  Violence and committee meetings."
		- George Will

"I not a typical clueless freshman"
		- Christian Williams
"You're an atypical clueless freshman"
		- Tom Strong and Jeffro, in stereo.

"Furious activity is no substitute for understanding."
		- H. H. Williams

"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car
payments."
		- Earl Wilson

"Belief is the death of intelligence."
		- Robert Anton Wilson

"Only the madman is absolutely sure."
		- Robert Anton Wilson

"I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow."
		- Woodrow Wilson

"The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
		- Woodrow Wilson

"Nothing recedes like success."
		- Walter Winchell

"Thats why I was running the debugger, I didn't want it to crash."
		- Aaron Wohl

"There is no limit to stupidity.  Space itself is said to be bounded by
its own curvature, but stupidity continues beyond infinity."
		- Gene Wolfe

"I try to know what I need to know.  I make sure to know what I want to
know."
		- Nero Wolfe

"As part of Academic Computing's commitment to its Sun 3 users.....
<pause>...<long pause>...<deep chuckling>"
		- Walter Wong

"Jean, are you busy at 5 o'clock? I need a girl pretty desperatly."
		- Ben Woodard

"The NY Times is read by the people who run the country. The Washington
Post is read by the people who think they run the country. The National
Enquirer is read by the people who think Elvis is alive and running the
country..."
		- Robert J. Woodhead

"An ambassador is a man of virtue sent to lie abroad for his country; a
news-writer is a man without virtue who lies at home for himself."
		- Sir Henry Wotton, "Reliquae Wottonianae"

"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep
good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'"
		- Stephen Wright

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."
		- Stephen Wright

Student: "Can you do problem number twelve?" Wyler:
"Twelve?...NO!...That problem is on the test."
		- Oswald Wyler

"The truth of the matter is that window management under X is not yet
well understood."
		- The "Xlib Programming Manual"

"Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it."
		- Andrew Young

"I don't do this for my health, you understand. I do it for the pain.
I *LOVE* the pain!"
		- Professor Hugh D. Young, quoted out of context.

"Don't do things half-assed.  If a thing is worth doing at all, it's
worth doing as well as you can possibly do it.  Pick out something you
think is worthwhile and do it or work at it with passion.  Do it with
all your might."
		- Hugh Young

"So, this doesn't mean anything, but at least it's not obvious
nonsense."
		- Hugh Young

"This calls for a very special plan of psychology and extreme violence"
		- The Young Ones

"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for
tomorrow morning, sleep late."
		- Henny Youngman

"Sometimes it is more important to discover what one cannot do, than
what one can do."
		- Lin Yutang

"Don't say yes until I finish talking."
		- Darryl F. Zanuck

"If you choose not to live in a cluster, uh, dorm..."
		- Jim Zelenka

"Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side, and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together ..."
		- Carl Zwanzig

"Theoretical physicist---a physicist whose existence is postulated, to
make the numbers balance, but who is never actually observed in the
laboratory."
		- Unknown

"If 99% is good enough, then gravity will not work for 14 mins every
day. "
		- Unknown

"Chemistry is Physics without thought; Math is Physics without
purpose."
		- Unknown

"The NeXT:  The hardware makes it a PC, the software makes it a
Workstation, the unit sales make it a Mainframe."
		- Unknown

"If the automobile had improved as much as the computer in the last 25
years, it would get 1,000,000 miles to the gallon, cost $1, have a top
speed of 30,000 mph, and explode at least once a year, killing all
passengers."
		- Unknown

"Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do."
		- Unknown

"America - where each individual is free to worship the religion of
his/her parents' choice."
		- Another from bb+graffiti

"'After two years of trying, scientists at the Yerkes Regional Primate
Center have managed to get a chimpanzee pregnant.'  Which proves that
no task is repugnant to a true scientist."
		- Unidentified Scientist

"God himself could not sink this ship."
		- Anonymous Titanic Deck Hand

"I don't deal with stress; I kill people."
		- an unnamed Army ROTC, during the "Stress at CMU"
		T-shirt sale

"Since a cat always lands on its feet, and a piece of buttered toast
always lands buttered side down, if you strap a piece of buttered toast
to the back of a cat, which side will it land on?"
		- .sig file on rec.humor

"I'd rather be a survivor at Carnegie Mellon than a hero at Pitt"
		- Someone's .sig file

Write a wise saying and your name will live forever
		- Anonymous

"Management's biggest problem is all the unemployed people on the
payroll."
		- From rec.humor

"The next time someone starts quoting statistics at you, just remind
them that 78% of people who quote statistics make them up."
		- From rec.humor

"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right
hands."
		- Saint Patrick

"Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and
you would not have been informed."
		- Unknown


"The ideal situation is to have real computing power close at hand -
right at home. Something that dims streetlights and shrinks the picture
on the neighbors TV when you crank it up."
		- Unknown

"You should emulate your heroes, but don't carry it too far.
Especially if they're dead."
		- Unknown

"It has been determined that research causes cancer in rats."
		- Unknown

"Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same
thing as division."
		- ???

Q:      How many IBM CPU's does it take to execute a job?  A:
Four; three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.

"What is the definition of a tachyon?  It's a gluon that's not
completely dry."
		- Heard at a New Year's Eve party

Thomas Edison is alleged to have remarked about his laboratory, "There
ain't no rules around here.  We're trying to accomplish something."

"A sword is a pen that writes in red ink..."

"Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you're doing."

"Only those who attempt the absurd   ...   will achieve the impossible"

"If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by
the page number."

"A feature is a bug with seniority."

"Not looking like Pascal is not a language deficiency!"

"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."

"Good, fast, cheap:  choose any two."

"People who are incapable of making decisions are the ones who hit
those barrels at freeway exits."

"In the beginning there was nothing, then God said " Let there be
light".  And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could
see it a lot better"

"An ounce of vanity can ruin a ton of merit."

"Show respect for age.  Drink good Scotch for a change."

"Drag...Force which opposes forward motion of aircraft when pilot
forgets to untie tiedown."

"A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking."

"For non-deterministic read 'Inhabited by pixies'."

"You can hardly underestimate the importance of this."

"Suitably interpreted, this is an exact value."

"The revolution will not be televised."

"Do not adjust your mind, it is reality that is malfunctioning."

"When looking into the face of impending doom, smile. If you have to
die, go out with a grin.  The Devil cannot abide to be mocked!"

"FORTRAN... Then, as now, the language used by scientists with real
problems."

"I didn't think he could live down to his reputation, but he did."

"I don't see the point of lecturers talking, except to resolve some of
the ambiguities in their handwriting."

"A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry."

"What's the matter, cat+ got your password?"

"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense."

"I shall explain this by waving my hands about in an appropriate
manner."

"Thank you for flying U.S.A.F. We hope that you will consider us again
when your travel plans next include bombing Tripoli."

"You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi."

"Now, there are two ways to apprach a subject that frightens you and
makes you feel stupid:  you can embrace it with humility and an open
mind, or you can ridicule it mercilessly.  I'm still deciding which I
prefer."

"/EARTH is 98% full.  Please delete anybody you can."

"Anything's possible, but only a few things actually happen."

"A layman knows he has to kick it.; An amateur knows where to kick it.;
A professional knows how hard."

"Sometimes I go off into my own little world, but it's okay: they know
me there."

"bus error - passengers dumped"

"Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than
no government at all."

"When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional
division by zero."

"Only the truly incompetent never fail to disappoint."

"Quid latine dictum sit, altum viditur." (Whatever is said in Latin
sounds profound.)

"Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the
way before it is understood."

"Called up the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms regional office
and asked, "What wine goes best with an M-16?"  The guy who answered
did his best to be helpful:  "That depends.  What are you smoking?"

"A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to
run."

"In the immortal words of the captain of the Titantic, 'Where did all
this fucking ice come from?'"

"I have a very firm grasp on reality!  I can reach out and strangle it
any time!"

"A manager does the thing right.  A leader does the right thing."

"Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not
nailed down."

"The Wright Bothers weren't the first to fly.  They were just the first
not to crash."

"Master, why is the letter 'i' the symbol for current?"  "Because there
is no letter 'i' in the word 'current'."  "Master, why do we use the
letter 'j' for sqrt(-1)?"  "Because we use the letter 'i' for
current."  Whereupon the Master struck the Disciple, and the Disciple
became enlightened.

"And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode."

"A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
that the system works."

"Heisenberg might have been here."

"Open the pod bay doors, Hal."; "I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.";
"Hal, I have an axe."; "Yes, Dave, opening pod bay doors now.  Have a
nice day."

"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you will look forward to the trip."

"Q:  Do you know what the death rate around here is?    A:  One per
person."

"I know you're supposed to take life one day at a time -- but lately
several days have attacked me at once."

"Cameramen on strike, Slides at 11"

"I'm paranoid...  I tried to join Paranoids Anonymous.  They wouldn't
let me know where the meetings were."

"If it's on the plate it's food, if it moves off the plate, kill it and
put it back on the plate."

"The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any
language."

"We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you!"

"War does not determine who is right -- only who is left."

"Somebody's had too much to think"

"discretely quantized, (adj): covertly flown on an Australian airline"

"Life is complex.  It has real and imaginary parts."

"Standards are industry's way of codifying obsolescence."

"Popular consensus says that reality is based on popular consensus."

"I don't know if I am going to heaven or hell, I just hope God grades
on a curve"

"Live now.  There'll be plenty of time to be dead later."


 -----------------------------------------------------------------
  Tom Strong              N3NBB              ts49+@andrew.cmu.edu