-  Technology is dominated by two types of people:  those who understand what
   they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.
-  Then there was the attorney who stepped in a cow-pie and thought he was
   melting.
-  Love is a matter of chemistry.  Sex is a matter of physics.
-  186,000 miles per second isn't just a good idea, it's the law.
-  It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.  (Stephen Wright)
- "Reality" is the only word in the English language that should always be
   used in quotes.
-  I'm so horny I may become a TV evangelist.
-  Another brilliant mind ruined by higher education.
-  How do you get your place to spin like this?
-  Five billion people and still no date.
-  I'm donating my body to science fiction.
-  This isn't a fashion statement, I'm a street person.
-  I have no idea what I'm doing out of bed.
-  I killed a six pack P just to watch it die!
-  I used to jog, but the ice kept falling out of my glassI
-  Has the world gone madI or is this the post office?
-  Being weird isn't enough.
-  Somewhere my vocational guidance counsellor is having a good laugh.
-  Anything you say can and will be distorted, remixed and used against you.
-  If you must undress me with your eyes, please fold my clothes neatly.
-  Why can't I attract men like crazy instead of attract crazy men?
-  Whenever you see a sign 'No Exit,' it means there is an exit.  (David
   Dunham)
-  When you're up to your ass in alligators, it's hard to remember your
   initial objective was to drain the swamp.
-  When you asked me to live in sin with you, I didn't know you meant sloth.
-  When I was young, all I wanted was to be ruler of the universe.  Now that
   isn't enough.  (Alex P. Keaton)
-  What the President meant to say ...  (The Presidential Spokesman)
-  We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty.
-  We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot tub...
-  There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.
   (Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment, 1977)
-  There is a fine line between a challenge and a pain-in-the-ass.
-  There's no such thing as a total failure; it can always serve as a bad
   example.
-  There cannot be a crisis next week.  My schedule is already full.
-  There are four stages of reaction to a great invention:
	1. It's impossible.
	2. It's impractical.
	3. It's immoral.
	4. I said all along, it was a great idea.
-  The struggle for knowledge has a pleasure in it like that of wrestling
   with a fine woman.  (Lord Halifax)
-  The only good composer is a dead composer
-  The older a man gets, the further he had to walk to school as a kid.
-  The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from!
-  The four major food groups:  Fresh, Fast, Frozen, and Spoiled.
-  We find no evidence that Congress intended to modify the nostrum to read,
   "crime does not pay, except for attorney's fees."  (Justice Byron R. White)
-  Statistics are like bikinis... what they show is enticing, but what they
   conceal is vital.
-  Save a tree.... Eat a beaver
-  Quantity has a quality all it's own.  (Lenin)
-  Politics is ,in the ultimate analysis, religion applied to economics.
-  Physicists are mathematicians in a hurry.  (B. Mandelbrot)
-  Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.  Inside of a dog, it's too
   dark to read.  (Graucho Marx)
-  One planet is all you get.  (John M. Vogtle)
-  Nuclear war doesn't prove who's right, just who's left.
-  Now let's all repeat the non-conformist oath...
-  Mr. Spock does NOT say, "Eat hot plasma death, klingon scumbags!"  (Berke
   Breathed)
-  May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.  (George
   Carlin)
-  Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.  (John Bernal)
-  It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.  (Will Rogers)
-  When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
-  Imagine what it would be like if TV actually were good. It would be the end
   of everything we know.  (Marvin Minsky)
- If God had really intended men to fly, He'd have made it easier to get to
  the airport.  (George Winters)
-  I wouldn't mind dying -- it's that business of having to stay dead that
   scares the shit out of me.  (R. Geis)
-  For every problem, there is a solution that is simple, elegant, and wrong.
   (H. L. Mencken)
-  Efficiency is intelligent laziness.  (David Dunham)
-  Entropy isn't what it used to be.
-  Close enough for government work.  (anon., naturally)
-  Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human
   life.  (Senator Orrin Hatch)
-  Beware of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
-  Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-  All undetectable errors will be treated as if no error occured.  (IBM)
-  A mind is like a parachute.  It only functions when open.  (David Dunham)
-  A masterful retreat is itself a victory.  (N. V. Peale )
-  One real world is enough.  (Santayana)
-  A wise man sees as much as he ought, not as much as he can.  (Montaigue)
-  Man does not live long enough to profit from his faults.  (La Bruyere)
-  It is easy to know God so long as you do not tax yourself with defining her.
-  Wise men talk because they have something to say; Fools because they have
   to say something.  (Plato)
-  Let him that would move the world, first move himself.  (Socrates)
-  Our desires multiply so much faster than our ability to satisfy them. 
(Scott Peck)
-  The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is the way one
   uses them.
-  It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as an example.
-  I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?
-  The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.  (Abbie Hoffman)
-  f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.        
-  After we had sex, he took out a piece of chalk and drew an outline of my
   body.  (Joan Rivers)
-  A three day filing extension will automatically be granted in the event of
   a global thermonuclear war.  (IRS)
-  You'd walk funny too if you wore diapers.
-  We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you!
-  I tried to drown my sorrows but the little suckers learned to swim.
-  Looking for a caring responsible man to live with while I cruise bars,
   shoot up and use his credit cards.
-  Thank you for not trying to raise my consciousness.
-  Retired K-Mart Checker.
-  Why do the criminally insane get to have all the fun?
-  Some of today's contestants will die in household accidents after the show.
-  I like you but I wouldn't like to see you working with sub-atomic
   particles.
-  Find the hidden faces on this button and you win a free straitjacket!
-  All I need is a hot meal, a shave, and a place to blow my brains out.
-  If they can send a man to the moon, why can't they send them all?
-  I ain't no basketball player, but I do have a magic johnson.
-  More cases of baldness are caused by hair loss than all other causes
   combined.
-  A dirty mind is a joy forever.  (Oscar Wilde)
-  Speak right up, ain't no disgrace to be stupid.  (Pogo Possum)