The Story of Ronald Frump by Dave Bealer Ronald Frump was born on December 7, 1941. Frump calls this an interesting fact, although his business opponents have been known to refer to it as prophetic. Leaving his childhood home of Fort Scott, Kansas, at the age of sixteen, Frump made his way west, eventually settling in Soccorro, New Mexico. After spending many years selling used yachts in New Mexico, Frump tired of the fast and reckless lifestyle of Soccorro and made for the calmer waters of Las Vegas. In 1963 Frump landed his first job as a dealer at a small club off the strip. His business savvy and bloodthirsty tendencies soon saw him safely ensconced as owner of three small clubs, The Frump Sphinx Club in Las Vegas, the Frump Coliseum in Reno and the Frump Colossus in South Lake Tahoe. But Ronald Frump is a dreamer, and a man not accustomed to making do with what he already has. He conceived of a huge strip hotel, larger than any then in existence. The result was the Frump Pyramid, two blocks long and 50 stories high. The Pyramid's 4,500 hotel rooms were filled constantly with customers for the three casinos, two nightclubs, five restaurants and numerous shops contained on the lower levels. Opened in 1971 with the aid of money invested by a group of well- heeled New Jersey olive importers, the Frump Pyramid cleared more than $6 billion in its first five years. With this kind of success, it was only a matter of time before further expansion took place. The Frump Boardwalk Pyramid in Atlantic City was opened in 1983 with the help of new partners, a consortium of sugar importers from Miami. The Boardwalk Pyramid's 3,800 rooms and two casinos make it the largest casino/hotel on the east coast. With profits of better than $2 billion a year from the two Pyramids, Frump has been playing a real-life game of Monopoly, buying every hotel which comes up for sale in both cities. But why is it that Ronald Frump is prospering when other casino operations in Nevada and New Jersey are foundering? Many experts attribute his success to his extra-ordinary sense of what people will find entertaining. For instance, one of the mainstay attractions of both Pyramids is the "Frumpies," waitresses clad in fuzzy pink bathrobes and slippers, their hair up in curlers. Many guests seem to like this homey touch, and are willing to overlook the "Frumpies" usual surliness, the extent of which has prompted more than one observer to nickname them the "Grumpies." The Twerpus Maximus Room at the Frump Coliseum is one of the most popular cabaret spots in Reno. Retired and burned out Frumpies strut their stuff there every evening in front of sellout crowds. Another major innovation brought to casinos by Ronald Frump is the "Robo-Dealer," a mechanical dealing robot built by RCU, the Robotics Corporation of Ukraine, located in Minsk. These wise-cracking mechanical dealers not only save large amounts of payroll expense, they are also able to more effectively spot players who cheat, while themselves performing tremendous feats of automatic dexterity while dealing. A Robo-Dealer has begun appearing in recent Frump Casino ads, and its early popularity has led some pundits to make the gloomy prediction that Robo-Dealer may attain pop-culture icon status similar to that enjoyed by Max Headroom and "Mr. Whipple." Despite his success, Ronald Frump's life has not been without its trials and tribulations. He ended up spending millions outfitting the new Boardwalk Pyramid with huge fans to blow away the fog which would periodically obscure the fifty foot high letters proclaiming the FRUMP name to all of south Jersey. Copyright 1992 Dave Bealer, All Rights Reserved ------------ Dave Bealer is a thirty-something mainframe systems programmer who works with CICS, MVS and all manner of nasty acronyms at one of the largest heavy metal shops on the East Coast. He shares a waterfront townhome in Pasadena, MD. with two cats who annoy him endlessly as he writes and electronically publishes Random Access Humor. He can be reached at - Internet: dave.bealer@rah.clark.net FidoNet> 1:261/1129