Path: senator-bedfellow.mit.edu!faqserv From: ramax@ultranet.com (Ramaswamy) Newsgroups: alt.tv.mad-about-you,alt.answers,news.answers Subject: alt.tv.mad-about-you Episode Guide for Season #2 Followup-To: alt.tv.mad-about-you Date: 8 Jan 1997 12:23:51 GMT Organization: OutBack Productions Lines: 1091 Approved: news-answers-request@MIT.EDU Expires: 22 Apr 1997 12:21:29 GMT Message-ID: Reply-To: ramax@ultranet.com NNTP-Posting-Host: bloom-picayune.mit.edu Summary: Season #2 Episode Guide for the TV Comedy show "Mad About You" X-Last-Updated: 1997/01/07 Originator: faqserv@bloom-picayune.MIT.EDU Xref: senator-bedfellow.mit.edu alt.tv.mad-about-you:16923 alt.answers:23100 news.answers:91531 Archive-name: tv/mad-about-you/season2 Posting-frequency: quarterly Last-modified: 97-01-05 Version: 5.1 URL: http://www.alumni.caltech.edu/~witelski/may-eg2.html Copyright: (c) 1994-1997 by Ramaswamy [ramax@ultranet.com] ---------------------------------------------------------------- Episode Guide for Season #2 of "Mad About You" for the Usenet newsgroup alt.tv.mad-about-you ---------------------------------------------------------------- Archive-name: tv/mad-about-you/season2 Posting-frequency: quarterly Last-modified: 97-01-05 Version: 5.1 ---------------------------------------------------------------- This Episode Guide for the TV Comedy show "Mad About You" is, as a collection of information, Copyright (c) 1994-1997 by Ramaswamy [ramax@ultranet.com], Douglas B. Robertson [dr@fermi.tiger.ab.ca], Catherine Chan [cchan@io.org] and Eugene Wang [eggbert@cs.bu.edu]. All Rights Reserved. This document may be freely distributed in electronic form for personal use only, provided it is distributed in its entirety and with all original author and copyright information intact. Distribution by any other means must be by permission of the copyright holder. This material is for non-commercial use only and any sale for profit is expressly forbidden. It may not be included in any commercial documents, archives or CD-ROMs, nor uploaded to any BBS or online service without the permission of the copyright holder. The removal of this copyright notice is prohibited. ---------------------------------------------------------------- The MAY Episode Guides: Episode Guide for Season #1 Episode Guide for Season #2 Episode Guide for Season #3 Episode Guide for Season #4 Episode Guide for Season #5 ---------------------------------------------------------------- The Second Season ---------------------------------------------------------------- Table of Contents Cast of Characters Supporting Characters The Production Team 2.1 (202) 93-09-16 Murray's Tale [Season Opener] 2.2 (201) 93-09-23 Bing Bang Boom 2.3 (203) 93-09-30 Bedfellows 2.4 (205) 93-10-07 Married to the Job 2.5 (204) 93-10-14 So I Married a Hair Murderer 2.6 (207) 93-10-28 The Unplanned Child 2.7 (206) 93-11-04 Natural History 2.8 (209) 93-11-11 Surprise 2.9 (210) 93-11-18 A Pair Of Hearts 2.10 (208) 93-12-02 It's a Wrap 2.11 (211) 93-12-09 Edna Returns 2.12 (212) 94-01-06 Paul is Dead 2.13 (213) 94-01-13 Same Time Next Week 2.14 (214) 94-01-27 The Late Show 2.15 (216) 94-02-03 Virtual Reality 2.16 (218) 94-02-10 Cold Feet 2.17 (215) 94-02-14 Instant Karma 2.18 (217) 94-02-24 The Tape 2.19 (219) 94-03-10 Love Letters 2.20 (220) 94-04-07 The Last Scampi 2.21 (222) 94-04-28 Disorientation 2.22 (221) 94-05-05 Storms We Cannot Weather 2.23 (225) 94-05-12 Up All Night 2.24 (223/4) 94-05-19 With This Ring [Season Finale] ---------------------------------------------------------------- Telecasts in Syndication: As of September 1996, episodes from this season are being aired in syndication in North America, with approximately 1 minute of content snipped from the original telecasts in 1993-94. An exception to this rule is the addition of a Tease to the Season Finale (now being shown as two separate half-hour episodes) Episode 2.24 Part I. Check your local TV listings for the station, days and times of telecast. ---------------------------------------------------------------- Cast of Characters Paul Buchman . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul Reiser Jamie Buchman . . . . . . . . . . . Helen Hunt Lisa Stemple . . . . . . . . . . . . Anne Ramsay Fran Devanow . . . . . . . . . . . . Leila Kenzle Ira Buchman . . . . . . . . . . . . John Pankow Murray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maui Supporting Characters Mark Devanow . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Kind Burt Buchman, Paul's father . . . . Louis Zorich Sylvia Buchman, Paul's mother . . . Cynthia Harris Sharon, Paul's elder sister . . . . Randy Graff Debbie, Paul's younger sister . . . Talia Balsam (I) Robin Bartlett (II) Jed, Debbie's son . . . . . . . . . Bradley Pierce Noah, Debbie's son . . . . . . . . . Andrew J. Ferchland Marianne Lugasso, Ira's ex-wife . . Cyndi Lauper Warren, Paul's editor/cameraman . . Steven Wright Lou Bonaparte, Paul's producer . . . Larry Miller Remy, Paul's assistant . . . . . . . Marva Hicks Maggie Conway, neighbour in 11-C . . Judy Geeson Ursula, waitress at Riff's . . . . . Lisa Kudrow Kim, the grocer . . . . . . . . . . Darrell Kunitomi Bill Wicker, the super . . . . . . . Jerry Adler Eddie, the doorman . . . . . . . . . Lou Cutell ---------------------------------------------------------------- 2.1 Murray's Tale [Season Opener] Lisa takes Murray out for a walk and returns with a dog that obviously isn't him. Meanwhile Paul and Jamie contact the cops and everyone else joins in the hunt for real Murray. Written by: Billy Grundfest Directed by: Thomas Schlamme Tease: Reasoning with Murray to get off the couch. Tag: Reasoning with Murray to get off the bed. Word: Dysphoric. Keys: Hiding brownies, stuck buzzer, cans of peas, the head signal, Filipino guy, begging, woofing and dancing Murray, riding in tandem, the peripheral visionary, 48-hour wait (except for dogs), Lisa using Ira first, Murray the Dog, Paul and the Amazon Jamie, Lisa and Murray-ness, on being family. - Jamie: "So I have Murray-ness?" Paul: "You do. You really do." Jamie: "You were very close to the edge there!" Paul: "But I pulled it off!" - Janey: [preparing to leave] "Simon! Go get the elevator!" Paul: "Thank you very much." Jamie: "Thank you so much. Nice to meet you." Paul: "Bye now." Jamie: "Bye-bye! [closing the door] Ech! Get out of my house!" Supporting Cast: Warren Guest Characters: Simon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maui Sgt. Panino . . . . . . . . . . . Jerry Adler Saul Beckner . . . . . . . . . . . David Ellzey Janey Beckner . . . . . . . . . . Nancy Kerr 2.2 Bing Bang Boom Phone calls, noisy neighbors and an invisible mouse being chased by Murray are some of distractions Paul and Jamie face while struggling to find romance during a long-awaited evening together. Written by: Billy Grundfest and Paul Reiser Directed by: Lee Shallat Tease: Jamie asking Paul to check the front door. Tag: On-camera disclaimers (his hair will grow back). Expression: "Let it go!" Keys: The electric blanket, excessive floss, Yachting and the Portuguese fur trade, opening shot of "New York At Night," the grand chase, Run,run,run,boom!, the funny bone, the belly-button and Belgian chocolates, Yelling like Ralph Kramden, Lisa's fortune cookies (on spec), top 2 shelves, jogging Fran, feeling the ass, Paul's red ears, Jamie's blinking thing, the diary, 3 balloons for starters, seeing Casablanca for the first time, taped over with Oprah. - Paul: "You know what? I think the world can live without us for two minutes!" Jamie: "Two minutes?" Paul: "Two minutes... it's an expression!" 2.3 Bedfellows A suspected heart attack sends Paul's father to the hospital, leaving his mother home alone, until Jamie tries to score some much needed "points" with her mother-in-law. Written by: Danny Jacobson Directed by: Thomas Schlamme Tease: Murray and Jamie watching a Bogie movie while Paul marches by singing "Boola Boola!" (Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs). Keys: Four tries at the omelette, riding with the cops, diced like a scallion, betting on blood pressure, sweet Lisa, Playboy under the twin bed, crammed like mackerels, the 17-year drought continues, three bullseyes without reloading, the heartbeat monitor goes mile-a-minute, mile-a-minute. Sylvia Buchman finally makes her debut. Sharon makes her only appearance. - Sylvia: [to Jamie in bed] "Don't encourage him." Paul: "Don't listen to her, encourage me. [they start kissing] I'm getting very encouraged!" Jamie: "I can feel!" - Lisa: "Tongue! I remembered Burt likes tongue." Sylvia: "Oh, you're so thoughtful! [to Burt] You're not eating tongue." Burt: "I *am* eating it!" Paul: "Ma..." Sylvia: "Don't 'Ma' me! I don't interfere in your marriage!" [and Paul saves the day] - Sharon: "Oh-my-God! She's going to kill him! She's going to kill him and come live with me!" Supporting Cast: Burt. Guest Characters: Sylvia Buchman, Paul's mother . . . Cynthia Harris Sharon, Paul's elder sister . . . . Randy Graff The Nurse . . . . . . . . . . . . . Francesca P. Roberts Harold, the orderly . . . . . . . . Valente Rodriguez 2.4 Married to the Job An evening out at Riff's sees Paul complaining about his meddlesome new producer, and Jamie venting about her same old credit-grabbing boss, who happens to be seated nearby. Written by: Russ Woody Directed by: Thomas Schlamme Tease: Murray monitoring calls from Paul and Jamie. Keys: Paul's new Producer (an accountant) hovers, Jamie's Central American Tourism campaign: "Come take your chances" or "Come home to the Equator," the missing fork, Arthur Treacher's, a gotten woman, wife built like Don Shula, the big spray, no way out, smoking a cigarette out of the window, the Vietnam War enters the picture, a 6-pack of Cremora and the fax machine. Remy, Lou Bonaparte and Ursula make their debuts. - Lou: "Hey! What's this?" Paul: "It's film." Lou: "No, no, these holes on the sides." Paul: "Sprockets?" - Paul: "You know what? You should... did I just taste a cigarette?" Jamie: "No! I had cajun for lunch!" Supporting Cast: Eddie. Guest Characters: Remy, Paul's assistant . . . . . . Marva Hicks Lou Bonaparte, Paul's producer . . Larry Miller Ursula, waitress at Riff's . . . . Lisa Kudrow Jack Farrer . . . . . . . . . . . . Ken Jenkins Ricky, Jamie's assistant . . . . . Cameron Thor 2.5 So I Married a Hair Murderer Paul is anything but pleased with Jamie who just has too much free time on her hands, and uses it to cut his hair and his film, and worse, improves on the original cut. Written by: Andrew Gordon and Eileen Conn Directed by: Thomas Schlamme Tease: Writing a resume after 8 years at Farrer, Gantz. Tag: Jamie Buchman, window cleaner. Word: Mingling. Keys: Jane Austen's works, Geraldo, Italian lessons, rearranged furniture, Murray with 4-wheel drive, Martini shaken or stirred, high heels, Vacuu-trim II (the Ginsu knife of hair-styling), the 8-minute snip, Lisa the bobcat, Murray's sweater, The Three Stooges. - Warren: "Hey, Paul! I can see you!" - Lou: "Say, what does this button do?" Warren: "Nothing. Unless you touch it." Lou: [too late] "Oh, oh!" - Lou: "What does it mean when a woman keeps saying she just wants to be friends?" Jamie: "No sex." Lou: "Thought-so!" Supporting Cast: Warren and Lou. Guest Characters: Street Character ("NY At Night") . Bud Sabatino Waitress at Riff's . . . . . . . . Marjorie Wellin 2.6 The Unplanned Child Paul's shooting schedule leaves it all upto Jamie to go out trick-or-treating with his 7-year-old nephew, whose 2-hour visit Paul forgot to mention to her, and it lasts a lot longer. Written by: Jack Burditt Directed by: Thomas Schlamme Tag: Lou Bonaparte singing a candy-corn song. Words: Pell-mell, willy-nilly, helter-skelter. Expressions: "Guys! It happens!" and "My fault!" Keys: Shooting the Halloween parade, a business funeral, the Escobar brothers: Matty, Felipe and Jesus, the receding hairline, Larry at video store, the late charge, the drifting appointment with Fran, eating butter, Game Boy addiction, the big spill, Aladdin with Murray the camel, strikeout at 11-C, the Bosnia relief effort, a reckoning on the roof. Debbie makes her debut. Her son Jed makes his only appearance. - Jamie: "Every year on Halloween the kids go door to door and you give them candy." Maggie: "Why?" Jamie: "It's a tradition." Maggie: "Well, I may have a pudding or something." Jamie: "That's okay, see you later." Maggie: [looking on as Murray the camel ambles away] "Is the dog all right?" - Jamie: "Your nephew is so sweet, my uterus hurts!" - Paul: "We weren't so good at us right away either." Jamie: [after a moment's reflection] "That's true." Paul: "Yes, finally you straightened out, which helped a lot." Jamie: "Ya, ya, ya!" Supporting Cast: Remy, Lou and Maggie. Guest Characters: Debbie, Paul's younger sister . . . Talia Balsam (I) Jed, Debbie's son . . . . . . . . . Bradley Pierce Video Vogue manager . . . . . . . . Ryan Stiles Dutch, the clerk . . . . . . . . . Steve Paymer Neighbor in 9-D . . . . . . . . . . Aaron Lustig 2.7 Natural History What brought Jamie and Paul together? Was it fate or a big coincidence? Jamie's belief that it was fate annoys Paul no end, who is already mad that she is spending more time with Lisa rather than with him. Written by: Steve Paymer Directed by: Thomas Schlamme Tease: Paul freeing himself from a sleeping Jamie to reach for the slice of cake. Tag: Paul to Dinosaur: "Sit!" Expression: "Never going to happen, my friend!" Keys: The fight over fate, the first free Saturday in five weeks, never confirmed (unlike TWA), a lift uptown by subway, knee burns vs. pinned down, cramps and the amazing scream, Lisa's blind date, Ira's quest for Ursula, from Riff's to museum tour guide (but only from the beginning), bumping into people, the dislocated tooth, not the Guggenheim, the two banned hooligans not making a break for it, the flashback, the black-out and previous rendezvous at the Museum of Natural History. - Fran: "You guys are lucky to have each other." Jamie: "No, we are not. It's more than luck ... Sometimes when two people meet, it is more than that." Fran: "You're probably right." Jamie: "Only he doesn't think so!" [leaves the room] Lisa: "Because he's a jerk." Fran: "Sometimes you're just on different wavelengths." Lisa: "You know Fran, you're always defending Paul, but you don't have to live with him like we do." - Paul: "She already said she was busy." Ira: "When?" Paul: "In front of the pterodactyls and then again she said she was busy in front of the paleozoic mollusks." Ira: "So what?" Paul: "So, must you be humiliated era by era?" - Paul: "I got it... I got it!" Supporting Cast: Ursula Guest Characters: Jim, Lisa's blind date . . . . . . . Ralph Bruneau Museum guard . . . . . . . . . . . . Ron Frazier Tourist from Tampa . . . . . . . . . Shirley Prestia Young Paul . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jordan Oschin Young Jamie . . . . . . . . . . . . Lyndsay Riddle Young Lisa . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alexandra Currie Young Ira . . . . . . . . . . . . . Thomas Tulak 2.8 Surprise Jamie suspects a party but that is not what has been arranged for her birthday by Paul, who gets separated from her on the subway en route to the surprise. Story by: Beth Fieger Falkenstein Teleplay by: Jeffrey Lane Directed by: Lee Shallat Tease: Jamie watching herself turn 30 at 2:01 AM. Tag: "Final Frontier" sung by the Suave singers. Expressions: "Duh!" and "Nice try" Keys: Favorite breakfast (Eggs Benedict), answering machine from Sylvia to her son's wife (the retrieval code is 4 plus Dave DeBusschere's jersey), shoes from Ira (retail), tickets to non-adjacent seats, Ira's waterbed, Lisa's aging logic, eating off the knife, stay here or Union Square, the collapsed heel, quarter-out buck-in, juggling and the distraction, pass on Rainbow Room, finally seated together. - Jamie: "What about my hair?" Paul: "Bring it!" Jamie: "What if everyone else but me has dressy hair?" Paul: "Then... well, then they'll point and laugh!" Guest Characters: Ricky, at St. James' box office . . John Fleck Max, a passenger . . . . . . . . . Mark Schiff The vegetarian . . . . . . . . . . Bill Ingram The Sauve singers . . . . . . . . . Kevin Womeck, Bryant Woodart, Adam la Baud The Jugglers . . . . . . . . . . . Steven John Cohen and partner. 2.9 A Pair Of Hearts A free weekend in Atlantic City has been mysteriously arranged for Jamie & Paul and Fran & Ira, by Ira's wife as it turns out, now a casino hostess who wants Ira to sign divorce papers. Written by: Danny Jacobson Directed by: Tom Moore Tease: Looking for something in the fridge... what? Tag: Accepting an Indecent Proposal. Keys: A ruse, a con, a scam, a flim-flam, looking at hookers, missing the jackpot, Fran wins, 5th Grade valentines, kissing lessons, taking the house for 7 bills, Jamie's T-shirt (stolen from Paul), the untenable friends thing. Marianne Lugasso makes her debut. - Jamie: "Don't sit here all night by yourself and get drunk!" Ira: "Have you tried it?" Jamie: "No." Ira: "Then don't knock it." [Jamie leaves and returns] Jamie: [tossing a T-shirt] "It's mine, in case you get cold." Ira: "How come every time I meet a great girl, she's in love with my cousin?" Jamie: [pensively] "Good night." - Ira: "You won't tell anyone?" Fran: "Who am I going to tell?" Ira: "Them." Fran: "I won't tell her if you won't tell him." Ira: "Deal!" Fran: "Can we shake on it?" Ira: [shaking hands] "I'll start anyway you want." Guest Characters: Marianne Lugasso . . . . . . . . . Cyndi Lauper Al, at the tables . . . . . . . . . Keone Young The Gambler . . . . . . . . . . . . Patrick Neil Quinn 2.10 It's a Wrap An unemployed Jamie is envious of Paul whose work is something he loves to do, while Paul feels betrayed by his producer Lou, who is now tampering with Paul's latest labor of love. Written by: Andrew Gordon and Eileen Conn Directed by: Tom Moore Tease: Fran wailing at the theatre. Tag: Paul narrating the credits to Lou on the phone: "Show the guy on the phone, then the sound of the race-track, do the thing with the hands, and then the stupid horse with wings." Keys: Irish cop with a French accent, being a Suit, three whole minutes off the montage, Hitch on Nick, Fran & Lou and Jamie & Paul at Riff's, zitti is tubes, meat and blood, chicken and trout, cinnamon toast, the 2 TV Guides, on getting Ira, stealing back the tape, Fran lets Jamie win, off-beat occupations, going back to college. - Paul: "Okay then, if you're happy then I'm happy. That's the deal." Jamie: "Are you sure?" Paul: "Ya, well, as sure as a person like me could be." Jamie: "Thank you." Paul: "Wow. Listen, how many married men get to sleep with a pretty college girl?" [they kiss] Jamie: "I love you!" Paul: "Baby, I'm the greatest!" Supporting Cast: Ursula and Lou. Guest Character: Bob, the security guard . . . . . . Larry Hankin 2.11 Edna Returns Lisa acquires her 15 minutes of fame under a pseudonym in her shrink's book, and Paul is caught is the middle of the sibling squabble that follows when Jamie takes exception to being called Lisa's overbearing sister. Story by: Jack Burditt Teleplay by: Andrew Gordon and Eileen Conn Directed by: Tom Moore Tease: Paul comparing his chin to Charles Laughton's. Tag: Ursula finally bringing the menus, to their bedroom. Words: Tethered, puerile. Keys: Bland noodles, with Allspice, happy buzzing, "Manics" (not Mannix) discussed at Riff's, menus, menus and water, the shrink with a big schnoz, Lisa is Edna, Jamie is Stella, Paul is Raul, the look of death, the royal joust, the two bulimic Harriets, taking over Fran's pinball game, escorting Lisa to the dentist. - Lisa: "Hey, Warren!" Warren: "Hi Edna!" Lisa: "You've read it?" Warren: "I read it out loud!" Supporting Cast: Warren and Ursula. Guest Character: Scat King, in Paul's film . . . . . Robert Donley 2.12 Paul is Dead The death of a Paul Buchman affects Jamie and Paul quite suddenly, leaving them without cash or credit. Meanwhile Paul is morbidly curious about his namesake. Story by: Russ Woody and Billy Grundfest Teleplay by: Billy Grundfest Directed by: Lee Shallat Tease and Tag: Humming fridge and slanty kitchen floor. Words: Nippy, mee-grane and a-sprine. Keys: Murray's affinity to terriers, the bathmat odyssey, the look, lunch at Riff's, cutting the cards, Mozzarella vs Monterey Jack, First Ank of Manhattan, Shriner and Sailor, the arrangement, eats from the neighbours, toying with a little British head, $10 loan from Lisa, Leonard and Donna from Toronto, haunting vs annoying. - Paul: "Have a good life!" Jamie: "You too!" Paul: "I did!" Jamie: "Really?" Supporting Cast: Ursula and Maggie. Guest Characters: Bank Manager . . . . . . . . . . . Carolyn Mignini Man at the ATM (and later) . . . . Race Nelson Monty, at the funeral home . . . . Lenny Wolpe Juan, the funeral director . . . . Luis Antonio Ramos 2.13 Same Time Next Week Jamie and Paul must endure two months of separation when Paul has to shoot a film in Chicago, returning only for the weekends, weather permitting. Written by: Jeffrey Lane and Danny Jacobson Directed by: Thomas Schlamme Tease: Overpacking Paul's suitcase. Tag: Eavesdropping on phone sex. Word: Addle-brain. Keys: Not comfortable on the phone, Luggage tax, the orange parka, Paul's beard, lactose-free milk, Lisa staying over, the stolen windows, selfish in bed, the storm and the call, the blue nightgown, the interruption, Sylvia dropping in, tousled hair, Greeks next door, spoon, reverse spoon and ladle, the non-drink of water, and the last surprise. - Jamie: "Guess your beard will have to keep you company all weekend!" Paul: "You know what, babe? I can hold out as long as you can, in fact longer! You know why?" Jamie: "Because you're rugged?" Paul: "Bingo!" - Paul: "I'm nibbling your ear." Jamie: "Oh, I like that." Paul: "And I'm going down your body..." Jamie: "I love that!" Paul: "And I'm kissing your knees..." Jamie: "What niece? I don't have a niece." Supporting Cast: Sylvia Buchman 2.14 The Late Show Fran tells Jamie that she may be pregnant, and Paul finds out from Ira that Ira may have got someone pregnant, but neither realizes that it is Ira who might have got Fran pregnant. A true farce, lies all around, but no slapstick. Written by: Andrew Gordon and Eileen Conn Directed by: Thomas Schlamme Tease: Playing Scrabble, and being creative at it. Tag: Painting the set (to sell), without telling Lisa. Words: Hing, Quizjax, Whom. Keys: Trickle-down theory, Fran's kid's school's benefit, Murray's self-absorption, Navy green tie, spelling out Ross Perot, betting against the Patriots, a stick with bloat, Ursula's mittens, the pregnancy test, Fran's divorce filing, painting the rented apartment (to sell), Ira's gambling debts, a walking target, keeping away from the windows. - Ira: "Frannie! How could you be late? It was one time, I mean it wasn't even in town!" Fran: "What does that have to do with anything?" Ira: "I'm just saying.. it was in Atlantic City!" Fran: "Well, we might have hit the jackpot." - Paul: "Hey, Ira, listen..." Ira: [instinctively] "Sh.. Sh..." Paul: "Sh.. what?" Ira: [confused] "Man, I don't even know anymore!" Supporting Cast: Ursula Guest Characters: Sergio, the doorman . . . . . . . . Greg Collins Voice of Russell Bernard . . . . . Steve Paymer 2.15 Virtual Reality Paul invests in a startup venture bringing out a virtual-reality system with Ira, after a demo but without consulting Jamie, who reacts calmly to his actions, both real and imagined. Written by: Danny Jacobson and Jeffrey Lane Directed by: Thomas Schlamme Tease: Jamie trying a new nutty trick. Tag: Christie showing up at the apartment as Jamie. Words: Honestly, honesty. Keys: A $5000 investment, a small company like Sony, $119 pen, like Spielberg directing Columbo, the Psycho moment, the look, from Brinkley to Bus Stop, the sudden snap of the head, the stopped check, the voice of reason, on being Pope or a shoe, or maybe seeing Sean Connery, a surprising choice, 8 minutes of apologies. - Paul: "... I'm rubbing oil, right, right on her and I'm telling you, you have never felt skin like this." Jamie: [contemplating him] "You're a little, little man!" - Paul: [for the umpteenth time] "I was wrong, I was so wrong!" Supporting Cast: Ursula Guest Characters: Edward Wagner, the whiz kid . . . . J. D. Daniels As herself . . . . . . . . . . . . Christie Brinkley As himself . . . . . . . . . . . . Andre Agassi 2.16 Cold Feet A Valentine's Day story that begins with Jamie and Paul at rink-side and moves back three years to the day they finally moved in together and ended up engaged. Written by: Jeffrey Lane and Danny Jacobson Directed by: Thomas Schlamme Tag: Jamie checking her diamond. Word: Peignoir. Keys: Three night here, three night there, taking turns, slanty floor in living room and kitchen, their own smell, bending over, Fran leaving, Jamie succeeding, key to the executive washroom, diamond ring below cost, guessing Anthony Hopkins, colander or strainer, ice skates, big fat globs floating around Rockefeller Plaza. Music at the rink: Patsy Cline singing "Crazy" - Paul: "Fran, I'll see you later. And you, I'll definitely see later." Jamie: "Bye!" Paul: "Bye." Jamie: "Honey, what time will you be home?" Paul: [stopping in his tracks] "Wow." Jamie: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! That just slipped out of my mouth!" Supporting Cast: Ursula Guest Characters: Mel Wertzel, the landlord . . . . Louis Goss Joanne, at Burt's store . . . . . Andrea Elson 2.17 Instant Karma Jamie's fortune cookie predicts that bad luck will follow the guilty, but Paul is convinced her luck is being visited on him even as they head for a party at Yoko Ono's place. Story by: Beth Fieger Falkenstein, Dana Reston and Frank Lombardi Teleplay by: Beth Fieger Falkenstein Directed by: Lee Shallat Tease: A peanut-butter induced lingering goodbye. Tag: Fortune cookies reading: - "Life with no 'F' is a lie." - "Confucius say, but who will listen?" - "Hats are wasted on a man with no head." - "When in doubt, cut to the skyline." Expression: "Ill-gotten gains." Keys: Re-re-reading the letter, lifter of human spirits, extra shirt at the sale, taupe vs. beige, tan, off-white and camel, protocol of fortune cookies, Harriett over Yoyo, Tony Randall's naps, blouse of death, Jamie's exercise machine, pits in concentrate, an egg-shell magnet, the no-smoking zone in the cab, stopover at Macy's, the visit and the piano. - Jamie: "Lisa, that was Yoko Ono who called." Lisa: "Huh, it didn't sound like her. [to Paul] Why should she be calling you?" Paul: "I don't know, and now I'll never find out because you didn't get her number!" Lisa: "Call Information! How many Y. Ono-s can there be?" - Jamie: "Is this the stupidest thing I ever bought?" Paul: [moving to the kitchen] "Yes!" Jamie: "Well, stop me!" Paul: [from the kitchen] "Stop." Jamie: "I can't, I've to punish myself for being so stupid!" Guest Characters: Rita, the cabbie . . . . . . . . . Susan Blommaert Martin, the co-rider . . . . . . . Simon Templeman Elevator operator . . . . . . . . George O. Petrie Yoko Ono's maid . . . . . . . . . Lynn Milgrim 2.18 The Tape Jamie and Paul are horrified to discover that Paul has unwittingly handed over their revealing homemade video to the Family Network, instead of a documentary about a zoo. Written by: Paul Reiser Directed by: Tom Moore Tease: Running out of corn flakes and bananas. Tag: Paul trying to open his BullWorker package, to Jamie's earnest cheerleading. Word: Invectify. Keys: Shooting monkeys from the neck up, a slap at Riff's, piece of wood, the 4 piles (the save, the storage, Goodwill and paisley), closet clean-up, Bull-Worker and pompoms, Gary as Lisa, one last look at the tape, or A Day at the Zoo, or RoboCop II, skinny-dipping at Nantucket, $237 for snow tires, that intense look on Paul's face. - Jamie: "Are you going to help?" Paul: "Yah, you wanted to get organized, so I figured, I'd watch all these tapes, then I can return them and I can clear off that shelf nice for you! [looks at Jamie looking back at him] I didn't even believe what I just said." - Paul: "I should tell him?" Jamie: "I think you should!" Paul: "I don't think I can." Jamie: "You've clearance!" Supporting Cast: Ursula Guest Characters: Norman Lark . . . . . . . . . . . . Kenneth Tigar Village Video manager . . . . . . . Ryan Stiles Dutch, the clerk . . . . . . . . . Steve Paymer Roy Osterback, in 6-J . . . . . . . Perry Anzilotti 2.19 Love Letters The Buchmans find letters written by former tenants of their apartment chronicling a World War II love story that Jamie feels parallels hers and Paul's. Written by: Jeffrey Klarik Directed by: Tom Moore Tease: Paul slurping his soup. Tag: Mrs. Wicker sneezing in a TV commercial. Words: Victrola, valise, Lindy. Expression: "Nectarine!" Music: "There'll be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover." Keys: Jamie with writer's block, arranging books by color, Murray's wet paws, towels of choice, snippy vs supportive, Ira the handyman using the sink, Marcia-from-the-bookstore needy, Jamie the sponge-woman, Leo and the French girl, $5 bets, orientation of the couch, slantiness of floor. Mr. Wicker makes his debut. - Jamie: "Could you please tell us where Mr. Wicker is?" Couple: "Who?" Paul: "... It's like talking to a gland here." - Millie: "May I come in?" Jamie: [bounding from the couch] "Of course!" Paul: "Please.. listen, our house is your house, literally." Millie: "Oh my God, this feels very weird! I never thought I'd be back. I see they still haven't fixed this -- WHOA!" Supporting Cast: Ursula Guest Characters: Millie Barton . . . . . . . . . . . Kim Hunter Manny Barton . . . . . . . . . . . Dick O'Neill Mr. Wicker . . . . . . . . . . . . Jerry Adler Ellen, in 3-B . . . . . . . . . . . Elena Wohl Couple in 6-C . . . . . . . . . . . Timi Prulhiere and Dylan Haggerty 2.20 The Last Scampi Jamie and Paul refuse to take sides in an incident between their mothers, while Lisa plays both sides to advantage. Meanwhile Murray is found to be suffering from his own mother problems. Written by: Billy Grundfest Directed by: Tom Moore Tease: Can the lemon in a lemon muffin go bad? Tag: Murray's mother is his real-life mother, and Mrs. Reiser calls in. Expression: "Son of a .... BITCH!" Keys: The ducks tie, the wall sconce pin, the do-not-mention list, the hors d'oeuvres swan, using a tone, the message cake, Lisa's pearls, aiming for Europe, Bird of Paradise napkin folding, Fran on call-waiting phone, Murray's reaction and low perspective, manual Sit, the Murray box, the name used to be Swifty, his mom is Mona. - Jamie: "At least your mother can express her anxiety! I mean, it's healthy. It's sick, but it's healthy. You've got to admire that." Paul: "Oh boy, if you'd just call her and tell her that!" Jamie: "You see! You cave in everytime!" Paul: "I'm not caving in, I'm asking you to cave in." Jamie: "Never going to happen, my friend!" - Ira: "That I don't get. My mother is impossible, your mother I adore!" Paul: "You know what? The grass on other people's mothers is always greener." - Lisa: "Remember the time she found out you'd lost your virginity? I got a toaster oven!" Jamie: "If she's mad at me, why can't she just stop smiling and say it?" Lisa: "She did say it. She just said it to me! Check this out... PEARLS!" Guest Characters: Dr. Arzupian . . . . . . . . . . . Erick Avari Albert Urbont . . . . . . . . . . . Allan Arbus Phone repairman . . . . . . . . . . Marty Rackham 2.21 Disorientation On the first day of school, Fran, Lisa and Ira race against time to cover for Paul, who has forgotten to mail in Jamie's registration. Written by: Jack Burditt and Jeffrey Lane Directed by: Tom Moore Tease: Murray on the dining table ("This is new!"). Tag: Reconciling Jamie's multiple picture Ids. Keys: Eating fish-sticks with Bob Howard, the Murray alarm, breakfast in bed, the red sweater, Jabar the cleaning genie, the elevator stall technique, Jamie's glazed look, making a break for it, non-prepaid-non-submitted, Paul's French, Lisa's logic, Fran's psychology and Ira's ethics, 4 courses, 4 dept. heads, 4 mugshots and 4 reactions. - Jamie: "Look at this! A pencil case! .. Oh, erasers, reinforcements!" Lisa: "I LOVE those!" - Registrar: "These are pre-paid course cards. You didn't pre-pay, which means you have to trade these in for non-pre-paid now-paid course cards, then come back for the paid course cards submission for scheduling." Paul: "Okay, do me a favor. Talk to me like I'm 4." Registrar: "Go over there." Paul: "Thank you!" - Jamie: "How many husbands would do what you did!" Paul: "Oh, well, hardly any." Supporting Cast: Maggie Guest Characters: Registrar #1 . . . . . . . . . . . Alan Wilder Registrar #2 . . . . . . . . . . . Adilah Barner Co-ed in the queue . . . . . . . . Sydney Brown Student with "Fresh Vomit" cap . . Lightfield Lewis Student with basketball . . . . . Louie Maggiotto Ethics Professor . . . . . . . . . Stephen Pearlman French Professor . . . . . . . . . Julia Sweeney Logic Professor . . . . . . . . . Jim Piddock Psychology Professor . . . . . . . Mary Portser The photographer . . . . . . . . . Daryl Roach 2.22 Storms We Cannot Weather While dining at Riff's with Fran and Nick, Jamie's new friend from school, Paul and Jamie have some unexpected company and encounter a turn in relationships that neither can fathom. Written by: Danny Jacobson Directed by: David Steinberg Tease: How to change the toilet paper roll: Watch me! ... ... ... ... Voila! Tag: Anywhere in the world: Seattle, Burma, Romania, Israel ("Don't assume!") Expression: "You get the gist!" Keys: Fastest short-order cook, Antonio the bus-boy, eating soup with hands, Jamie letting Fran win, on having a good ass day, a first guess, double date at Riff's, the fifth man shows up, Fran's slap, the splinter and the tweezer, a Cuban in French class, on going with door #2, being a Good Humor man, a first kiss (again). - Paul: [disengaging from a kiss] "What.. What is this?" Jamie: "I thought we could have sex now, then we won't have to do it later!" Paul: "How long were you talking to this guy?" Jamie: "He is twenty-five! Come on, I'll do all the work!" - Paul: [to Jamie at the table] "Tell you what, to show what a nice guy I am, I'll go help good-looking boy with the drinks. [moving to the bar] Hey, put your money away, you're a student!" Nick: "My dad is loaded." Paul: "Okay, I'll carry the drinks." Nick: "Thanks!" Paul: "Oh, you know, by the way, you know the little thing where you keep touching my wife? I don't like that." [moves back to the table with the beers] Supporting Cast: Mark and Ursula. Guest Characters: Nick . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Beron Issac, owner of Apollo Cafe . . . Ivory Ocean 2.23 Up All Night Jamie's sleeplessness leads to an all-night adventure with Paul, taking the Buchmans from the basement to the rooftop, and a tango with John Astin, if that's who he really is. Written by: Jeffrey Klarik Directed by: Michael Lembeck Tease: Garth Brooks identifying a song at Riff's. Tag: Gomez continuing the mother of all backflips. Keys: Silver sprocket no, door-prize yes, The Trouble with Barnacles, the Paris Peace Talks, toe tickling, A Day in the Life of a Button, professional tea (brewer), the non-decaffeinated tea (Atomic Zinger), wishing for a lawn, the amazing awake lady, ride to the Penthouse, the 10-Storey High Club, eating Chinese with Murray, eating corn a la arm, roof-top tango. - Paul: "Okay, you know what? Forget tea, let's watch that crazy guy on Channel 38 with the white beard, come on!" Jamie: "Oh, forget it..." Paul: "Ten minutes of this guy, you'll fall right asleep." Jamie: "The more you try to fall asleep, the more you can't. It's like the erection thing!" Supporting Cast: Mr. Wicker Guest Characters: As himself (?) . . . . . . . . . . John Astin Waula Lea . . . . . . . . . . . . . Karla Tamburelli As himself . . . . . . . . . . . . Garth Brooks 2.24 With This Ring [Season Finale] The Buchmans' second-anniversary celebrations begin with Paul losing his wedding ring and having to endure three congratulatory lunches with Jamie. Meanwhile the encounter with Paul's nephew causes them both to rethink having a child. Written by: Jeffrey Lane (Part I) Story by: Jeffrey Lane and Danny Jacobson (Part II) Teleplay by: Jeffrey Lane (Part II) Directed by: Tom Moore Tease: Talking about Pinter, Magellan and Onassis -- men with boats. (Part I syndication only) Keys: Those things you love, selling a mango to Ed Koch, a pair of shoes, two of pants, chanting, the double anniversary, ugly baby picture, Mark's move, the Zen way to hearing a splash, Brits eat spam, Yanks buy $600 of hot dogs, musical chairs at lunch, mooshed potatoes, another kitchen table, the monkey, Bill and Dave try a Zima, smelling the Rose. Appearance of the second actress to play Debbie. Her son Noah makes his only appearance. - Paul: "Yah, this time I'm telling you the truth." Jamie: "How can I know that?" Paul: "Because.. it has changed, it is two years later. I love you two years more!" Jamie: "So then you loved me two years less?" Paul: "I'm standing up to my ass in garbage, let's talk about our relationship!" - Paul: "How many years did you go to college?" Mark: "Four." Paul: "And then Med School?" Mark: "Four." Paul: "How long were you an Intern?" Mark: "One-year." Paul: "And then a Resident?" Mark: "Two." Paul: "Good! Give me a pound of grapes!" Kim's triples: We've cakes, we've Drano, we've cheese by the pound. We've beer, we've Q-Tips, we've lemon pie. We've sugar, we've onions, we've aspergum and yodels. I have Pepto, I have Bromo, I have Alka Seltzer. I have a market, I have a wife, I have a daughter. Paul's triple (of sorts): We've.. I've got flowered socks, I've got marsh-mallows, I've got paper-towels. Supporting Cast: Mark, Sylvia and Ursula. Guest Characters: Debbie, Paul's younger sister . . Robin Bartlett (II) Noah, Debbie's son . . . . . . . . Andrew J. Ferchland Kim . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Darrell Kunitomi Tammy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patty Toy Hot dog vendor . . . . . . . . . . Jimm Giannini Hot dog dispatcher . . . . . . . . Anthony Russell ---------------------------------------------------------------- The Production Team Created by: Paul Reiser and Danny Jacobson Executive Producer: Danny Jacobson, Jeffrey Lane Co-Executive Producer: Russ Woody Producers: Paul Reiser, Bruce Chevillat Co-Producers: Steve Paymer, Andrew Gordon, Eillen Conn, Billy Grundfest Coordinating Producer: Marjorie Weitzman Biggs Associate Producer: Craig Knizek Script Supervisor: Victoria Weisbart Production Coordinator: Susan Garon-Elliott Costumes: Audrey Darin, Claudia Wick, Debi Orrico Art Direction: Bernard Vyzga Photography: Richard Hissong Editing: Sheila Amos, Robert Souders, Steve Schultz Sound Mixing: Peter Damski Writers: Jack Burditt, Eileen Conn, Beth Fieger Falkenstein, Andrew Gordon, Billy Grundfest, Danny Jacobson, Jeffrey Klarik, Jeffrey Lane, Frank Lombardi, Steve Paymer, Paul Reiser, Dana Reston and Russ Woody. Directors: Michael Lembeck, Tom Moore, Thomas Schlamme, Lee Shallat and David Steinberg. ---------------------------------------------------------------- Please send in corrections to: [ramax@ultranet.com] ----------------------------------------------------------------