----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Young Ones: (ALL THE LITTLE FLOWERS ARE) HAPPY by Elton/Mayall/Mayer/Edmonson/Planer/Ryan/Curtis/Colman/Tibble/C.Relief Produced by Stuart Colman Published by Copyright Control A Rockmasters Production Transcribed by Greg O'Beirne (gobeirne@tartarus.uwa.edu.au) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- [?] = Sound Effects {?} = Other related things... (laughs, chuckles, music, silence etc..) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- {15 SECONDS OF SCREAMING GUITAR PUNK MUSIC. VERY VERY LOUD!} [FX: CRASH, GLASS BREAKING, MUSIC CRUMBLES TO A STOP] MIKE: Vyvyan, Why did you just throw the band out of the window? VYV: Oh, sorry Mike. I was forgetting myself! NEIL: Oh wow! Yeah, Yeah I do that all the time. Like, sometimes I wake up in the morning and think, like, "What's that inside my trousers?", and then, like, about half an hour later I remember it's me... Neil. [FX: THUMP] MIKE: Now that's a very interesting sound effect Vyv! Now, go on, do it again! VYV: Well, I would Michael, but unfortunately Neil's only got one head. [FX: DOOR OPENING] RICK: {laugh} Good Morning everybody! Let's make Rock & Roll history! VYV: Oh no, he's found us... RICK: {laugh} Hey! Great gag about telling me the recording studio was in Wales! {laughs again} MIKE: O.K. guys! Now get out your instruments. And I don't mean... RICK: Uh! Uh! Uh! Michael! Remember, we promised Cliff we wouldn't be rude! MIKE: It's time to record the flip side. RICK: Yes {laugh} And if we don't hurry up, it really will be a flip side! Because I probably say something crazy like: "Blummin' flip, let's get on with it!". MIKE: Neil! Where's your guitar? NEIL: Oh great! uh, Pop Quiz. Right, um, hang on, hang on, I know this... aaaahhhhhhhh, ohhh, it's on the tip of my tongue... VYV: Wwwwwwwellllllll, What a stupid place to keep your guitar! RICK: Oh blummin' flip, Vyvyan, let's get on with it! MIKE: We ARE getting on with it, Rick! RICK: Well just about make sure you blinkin' well blummin' well DO matey flip, because one thing's for death: When this kid's in the studio, it's get down jive time all the way to number one, so... [FX: SAXOPHONE] Ha ha! Ha ha! UUUmph! {saxophone is shoved down his throat} MIKE: Vyvyan, We were gonna use that saxophone! VYV: Well, I just did, didn't I Michael? [FX: RICK COUGHING UP SAXOPHONE, LOW TO HIGH PORTAMENTO] RICK: Oh! What a great tasting saxophone, Vyvyan! VYV: Well, if you think that's great, get a taste of this! NEIL: Oh good, you found my guitar Vyv! [FX: GUITAR IS SMASHED, PRESUMABLY ON RICK'S HEAD] NEIL: Oh no, guys, guys! Look, I thought pop music was supposed to be about, like, loving each other... MIKE: No, Neil, no, that's sex. Pop music is about making money. Now go next door and pinch Simon LeBon's guitar. NEIL: Oh alright...uh, Mr LeBum! Mr LeBum! {he walks off} [FX: DOOR CLOSES] RICK: Great! We got rid of the hippy! Brilliant! More singing for me! Right! {sings} Get down! & Get WIIIIIIITH it! One, aTwo, aThree... VYV: Do you want to hear my new joke?? RICK: N-o. aOne, aTwo, aOneTw... VYV: Look, Rick. Do... [FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK] You... [FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK] Want... [FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK] To... [FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK] Hear... [FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK] My... [FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK] New... [FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK, RICK CRYING] JOKE!!!! [FX: VYV PUNCHING RICK, RICK SOBBING LIKE A TOTAL AND UTTER GIRLY] RICK: ...ah huh huh, Do you know what? I do now Vyvyan. VYV: Alright! Get ready to laugh 'coz here it comes! [FX: VYV MUNCHING AWAY ON SOMETHING] RICK: Vyvyan, eating a pair of trousers is NOT funny. Especially when they're my dungarees. VYV: Well, do you want them back then? {starts to throw up} RICK: Oh No! No! No! [FX: DOOR OPENS] NEIL: I'm Back! OTHERS: Phew! What a wiff! NEIL: Rick, why haven't you got any trousers on?? RICK: Because Vyvyan's turned into a comedian, Neil. {laugh} Um, Actually, {laughs again} that's a point Neil. Why don't you ask Vyvyan to tell you his great new joke. NEIL: Oh, alright. Uh, Vyvyan, why don't you tell me your great new joke? VYV: O.K. Neil. Get ready to laugh, here it comes! [FX: VYV MUNCHING AWAY ON SOMETHING] NEIL: Uh, yeah, that's really great Vyvyan! RICK: Vyvyan, eating my underpants is even less funny than eating my trousers! VYV: {coughing} Oh God! You're not kidding! RICK: {desperate} Oh god, Neil, Give me your trousers! NEIL: No! Get off, get off, these are my trousers & I'm sticking to them! RICK: TAKE OFF YOUR TROUSERS!!! NEIL: No, no I can't. Vyvyan put superglue in them. VYV: That was three years ago Neil! NEIL: Well how often do you change YOUR trousers. MIKE: Don't worry Neil, it isn't a problem. Taking trousers off is very easy. RICK: {laugh} Yes it is, except that I'm more used to taking off DRESSES! VYV: What, you wear alot of dresses then do you Rick? RICK: Yes I do. I... NO! That's not what I meant Vyvyan and you know it! All I'm saying is that girls find me terrifically sexy, and they often ask me to take their dresses off. VYV: THAT IS A COMPLETE AND UTTER LIE!! RICK: It is not!! Alright then, look at my love bite. VYV: That isn't a love bite! That's your bottom! RICK: Alright then, what's it doing on my face?? NEIL: {muffled} No that's not YOUR face, what's it doing on MY face?? MIKE: Now come on guys! We're running out of time. Let's get on with the important business, shall we?? VYV: You're right, Michael. Neil's trousers must be removed, and NOW! [FX: RIPPING] NEIL: No, ow, wo, ow! OH NO! What are those two horrible pale hairy things? MIKE: Those are your legs, Neil. Now look, are we gonna sing this song or not? VYV: Yes we are. But first.... LET'S HAVE A FIGHT!! OTHERS: Yes, Oh wow!, Great idea, etc... [FX: MULTITUDINOUS PUNCHES BEING THROWN] VYV: Umph, oh, take that etc... NEIL: oh, touche, take that, OW! RICK: etc... MIKE: etc... {Pause... Vyvyan panting... } RICK: Right! [FX: MULTITUDINOUS PUNCHES BEING THROWN] NEIL: Ooof, Bam, Ow, Oooh... RICK: Oooh, Oh dear, Oh God, look at the mess! VYV: etc... MIKE: etc... {Punches stop} VYV: Well, That was great. Now, Let's do the song. Here I go! {12 SECONDS OF GUITAR INTRO} ALL: {singing to quiet electric guitar accompaniment} All the little flowers are singing All the little birdies are too {VYV: tweet tweet tweet} Everything in the garden is happy, And we hope you are too {VYV: o-oo o-oo} If you're happy we're happy {VYV: laughs} If you're sad we're sad {VYV & RICK: Boo hoo} But now it's time to end this song, 'coz it's so fucking bad! RICK: Goodnight children... MIKE: Goodnight. NEIL: Hello, um, goodnight. VYV: Pass the detonator... [FX: HUGE EARTH SHATTERING EXPLOSION] The End. ______________________________________________________________________________ ,-_|\ Greg O'Beirne \\ EMail - gobeirne@tartarus.uwa.edu.au / \ University of // and.. - zaphod@ucc.gu.uwa.edu.au *_,-._/ Western Australia \\ Phone - (+61 9) 4342787 v // "Bloody Vikings!!..." _________________________________\\___________________________________________