TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES WON'T TAKE
PLACE ON THE WEB

10. Kemp would fight with Dole over who gets to
    "quarterback" the keyboard.
9. Oops: Gore plugged information superhighway cable
   into White House central vacuum system.
8. Perot's crack team of EDS hackers would get him
   in somehow.
7. Hotwired editors say presidential candidates not
   hip enough.
6. Hillary doesn't let the President in ANY chat rooms.
5. Debate commission insists: event must be on Prodigy.
4. Bill Gates owns the rights to online debates.
3. Dole's Selectric won't connect to the Net.
2. Chelsea is using the White House PC to write a
   book report.
1. In cyberspace, no one can feel your pain.