50 FUN THINGS TO DO AT K-MART (OR WAL-MART) 

>1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and 
stranding them at strategic locations.

>2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 

>3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals 
throughout the day.

>4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join 
in.

>5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray 
air fresheners.

>6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 

>7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 

>8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. 

>9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially 
thin narrow aisles.

>10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think 
we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens. 

>11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".

>12. Play with the automatic doors.

>13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

>14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud 
enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?" 

>15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department. 

>16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it 
for a "test drive."

>17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet 
away. Continue to do this until they leave the department. 

>18. Play soccer with a group of friend, using the entire store as 
your playing field.

>19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look 
mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

>20. Put M&M's on layaway.

>21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. 

>22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll 
only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath. 

>23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the 
other aisles.

>24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. 

>25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, 
""...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!" 

>26. TP as much of the store as possible. 

>27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. 

>28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside 
down.

>29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why 
won't you people just leave me alone?"

>30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between 
them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

>31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there 
are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?" 

>32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale 
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. 

>33. Take bets on the battle described above. 

>34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics. 

>36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

>37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from 
""Mission: Impossible."

>38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. 

>39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. 

>40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your 
Twinkies?"

>41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. 

>42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

>43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, 
etc.

>44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics. 

>46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, 
quickly make off with it without saying a word. 

>47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. 

>48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal 
position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!" 

>49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. 

>50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. 
If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

>*BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.