THE SHIT LIST :
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GHOST shit :  You know you've shited. There's shit on the toilet paper
but none in the toilet.

TEFLON COATED shit :  Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you
don't even feel it. No traces of shit are on the toilet paper. You have
to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.

GOOEY shit :  This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe 12 times
and you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in
your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid
marks in the toilet and normally occurs when the phone is ringing.

SECOND THOUGHT shit :  You're all done wiping and you are about to
stand up, when you realise you've got to shit some more.

POP A VEIN IN YOUR HEAD shit :  This is the kind of shit that killed
Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling
and purple from straining so hard.

WEIGHT WATCHER'S shit :  You shit so much you lose several kilo's.

RIGHT- NOW shit :  You had better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You
burn rubber getting to a toilet, usually it has its head out before
you can get your pants off.

KING KONG or COMMODE CHOKER shit :  This one is so big that you 
know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller
chunks. A wire coathanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens
in someone else's house.

CORK shit : (Also known as FLOATER) Even after the third flush, it's
still floating in the bowl. My God!!! How do I get rid of it?!?

WISH shit :  You sit there and fart a few times, but no shit.

WET CHEEKS shit :  This shit hits the water sideways and makes a big
splash that gets you all wet.

SNAKE shit :  This shit is fairly soft and about as thick as your thumb
and at least 3 feet long.

BEER DRUNK and MEAT PIE shit :  This happens the day after the night
before.  Normally  your  shit  doesn't  smell  too  bad, but  this  one
is BAD... usually this one happens at someone else's house when there
is someone standing outside, waiting to use the bathroom.