WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) - In a move that Washington insiders have dubbed
"Starr Raving Mad", Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr subpoenaed God
today. Starr apparently could not accept that his strongest link between
the Clintons and the Whitewater scandal, James McDougal, had "been called
to his maker", so Starr decided to bring this Maker in for impeding his
investigation.  Despite the fact that McDougal was a Southern Baptist,
Starr's subpoena covered 1,234,900 gods from the well known, Buddha and
Vishnu, to the more dubious like Elvis, Cindy Crawford and The Guy Who
Invented Beer. To serve a subpoena on God, process servers have done
everything from eating peyote to feigning a ring kiss and slipping the ol'
subpoena into the hands of the Pope.  God has yet to respond.  In
addition, Starr has been unable to issue a statement as no one will stand
within 20 feet of him, as he is now called, "Ol' Lightning Rod."