AQUARIUS: (Jan 20-Feb 18)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.  You
lie a great deal but on the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and
impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly.  Everyone
thinks you are a fucking jerk.

PISCES:(Feb 19-Mar 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed
by the FBI or CIA.  You have minor influence over your friends and people
resent you for flaunting your power.  You lack confidence and are generally a
coward.  Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses a lot.

AIRES: (Mar 21-Apr 20)
You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are
quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.  You are a prick.

TAURUS: (Apr 21-May 20)
You are practical and persistent.  You have dogged determination and
work like hell.  Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded.  You are
nothing but a damned asshole.

GEMINI: (May 21-June 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker.  People like you because
you are bisexual.  However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little.
This means you are a cheap bastard.

CANCER: (June 21-July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems.  They
think you are a sucker.  You are always putting things off.  That is why
you won't be worth a shit.

LEO: (July 23-Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader.  Others think you are pushy.  Most
Leos are bullies.  You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism.
Your arrogance is disgusting.  Leo people are thieving bastards and kick
mirrors a lot.

VIRGO: (Aug 23-Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate dis-order.  This nitpicking is sickening
to your friends.  You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep
while screwing.  Virgo's make good bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA: (Sept 23-Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality.
If you are male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary
gain are excellent.  Most libra women are whores.  All Libras die with
venereal disease.

SCORPIO: (Oct 23-Nov 21)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.  You shall acheive
this pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.  You are a
perfect son-of-a-bitch.  Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGGITARIUS: (Nov 22-Dec 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic.  You have a reckless tendency
to rely on luck since you have no talent.  The majority of Saggitarians are
drunks and potheads.  People laugh to you a lot because you are always
fucked up.

CAPRICORN: (Dec 22-Jan 19)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  You are basically a
chickenshit.  There has never been a Capricorn of a importance.  You
might as well forget becomeing anything.