HALLOWEEN HUMOR:

>>   The Top 15 Complaints of Modern Day Vampires 
>> 
>> 
>> 15> Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead. 
>> 
>> 14> Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap. 
>> 
>> 13> Hard to get a decent puncture with latex on your fangs. 
>> 
>> 12> Three Words: Daylight Savings Time 
>> 
>> 11> Can't enjoy a meal at Burger King without some redneck 
>>     yelling, "Look Ma!  It's Elvis!"
>> 
>> 10> After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find
>>     clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin. 
>> 
>>  9> After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira. 
>> 
>>  8> No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around. 
>> 
>>  7> With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs 
>>     are suddenly off-limits.
>> 
>>  6> No warm blood for miles around DC. 
>> 
>>  5> Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots. 
>> 
>>  4> No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body. 
>> 
>>  3> Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized 
>>     "hardbodies."
>> 
>>  2> Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey. 
>> 
>> 
>>     and the Number 1 Complaint of Modern Day Vampires... 
>> 
>> 
>>  1> Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards. 
>> 
>> 
>>  [ This list copyright 1996 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis ] >> 
 [ *To forward or repost, you must include this section.* ] >>  [ 
The Top Five List    top5@walrus.com   www.topfive.com ] 
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>> OF COURSE TRICK OR TREATING
>> Michael Ryan @ compuserve.com
>> 
>> A little boy goes up to the door and rings the bell.  The lady opens 
>> the door, and the boy says, "Trick or treat!"  The lady says, "Well, 
>> aren't you cute!  What are you supposed to be?"  The boy, miffed
>> because he thought it was obvious, says, "I'm a pirate!"  The lady,
>> not realizing her gaffe, says, "Well then, where are your buccaneers?" 
>> The boy says, "Jeez, lady, they're on my buckin' head!"
>> 
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>> OR GATHER YOUR FAMILY,
>> Jeff Caron @ erols.com
>> 
>> What do West Virginians do for Halloween 
>> Pump-kin
>> 
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>> CARVE A PUMPKIN AND THINK
>> Vieira, A.J. @ hcc.com (From Hallmark card) 
>> 
>> What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern 
>by
>> its diameter?
>> 
>> Pumpkin Pi
>> 
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>> AND GO PICK UP A DRINK.
>> Ohaire @ photronics.com
>> 
>> Halloween Vamps
>> 
>> Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to 
>> take their orders. "And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?" 
>> 
>> The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The second vampire 
>> said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The third vampire shook his head at 
>> his companions and said, "I'll have a glass of plasma."
>> 
>> The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the 
>> bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light". 
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>> TURNED OFF MY COMPUTER AND THOUGHT AS I MAY 
>> Donna @ gensys.com
>> 
>> Question:
>>         Why do computer programmers confuse Hallowe'en and Christmas? 
>> Answer:
>>         Because oct31=dec25.
>>