English is your
You are at a register and the customer's total is
$6.31. The customer hands you a $10.00 bill. You should
Have the customer wait while you call the Federal Reserve to make sure the bill is good
Shout, "Check approval please!"
Mumble "Customer service..." and stare vacantly into space while waiting for
of the above
A customer picks up a can of soda but decides he
doesn't want it while at the register. You
Sunnyvale to doublecheck his resale number
Pepsi to check the expiration date on the soda
to return it because he doesn't have a receipt
of the above
Computer or software sales
A customer approaches you on the floor and asks
how much memory you need to run Windows 95. You
Pretend you don't hear them and walk briskly into the next aisle
Say, "Can't you see I'm helping another customer?!", and run off to the backroom
to smoke a cigarette
Continue to stare blankly into space
Blurt out the first number that comes into your head
You pick up the ringing phone, expecting to hear
your girlfriend and/or mother. A customer(!) asks if you have Photoshop 3.05 for Windows
in stock. You
Blurt "Certainly!" in a loud voice, while checking your teeth in the reflection
from your suitcoat and trying to remember if you hid the last copy well enough
Snarl "Not my department!" into the receiver and slam down the phone
Play a game with the other clerks- see who can get a caller to hold the longest by
offering to "Check the Fremont store."
Explain how you're really a software developer, and that your Visual Basic version
'Fotoshop' is really far superior and only slightly more expensive
A kindly older gentleman asks to purchase the
13" TV that was advertised in the morning paper for $99, a gift for his
granddaughter's college dorm room. You
Tell him that, darn it, you've just sold the last one. However, the
top-quality 'SUNY'-brand TV right next to it is only $225! When he points out the stack of
sale TVs next to the display, tell him they're empty boxes. If he picks one up to see, run
Scoff at his selection. Explain that all the kids nowadays would be humiliated
by anything less than a 60" Mitsubishi with Stereo Surround- only $3200!
Tell him Sunnyvale has some, and they'll hold one. Then call Sunnyvale and
tell them to send him to Campbell. Repeat.
Invite him out to your car, where there's an 'Open Box Buy'
You're working the AV room today. Customers come
in to see the Home Theater equipment. You
Diddle nonchalantly with the equipment, and tell people you have the same $1400 Carver amp
at home. Only your Mom knows you buy only Realistic from Radio Shack
Insist repeatedly that the Technics speakers are really the same as the Infinity
Crescendos, just without the expensive nameplate
Fantasize idly of your dream job at Circuit City. Someday, someday
Put Top Gun into the VCR and turn the volume up so loud that you're instantly
Have you been fired by Radio Shack or any
subsidiary of the Tandy Corporation in the last three years?
Have you been involved in retailing in the USSR,
North Korea, Thailand, or any of the former Soviet satellites?
Are you 'computer literate'*?
Program your VCR?
Use an ATM?
Use a remote channel changer?
Flush a toilet without assistance?
*NOTE: If answer to any of the above is yes, please answer YES.
*Your Masters is in
Lozano's Car Wash (started as wiper, promoted to waxer)
"You want fries with that?"
Just turned 16- first job!
For how long?
a couple weeks
until the federales caught up with me
they think I'm in the stockroom right now