Cosmo Decadence Test:

		   First there was the Purity Test!

		    Now, comes the Decadence Test!

Here we were, standing in line at the checkout counter, and it jumped
out at me - "Are you Decadent (A Quiz)" - in the latest Cosmo (yes, I
think it's trash, but this looked interesting).  So I looked... and
thought, gee the perfect thing for the list.  Unfortunately, most of
it is for women (sorry, guys, we'll have to come up with something for
you later).

So, for grins and... whatever, here it is:

Does the word *decadent* conjure up a group of world-weary weirdos
fooling around with whipped cream and leather?  *Not* necessarily so!
Indulging your senses to the fullest - fairly wallowing in the
delights of touch, taste, smell, sight, sound - can be one of life's
*joys*.  And while some girls (sorry, but that's what it says here,
ed.) are quite open about their wanton inclinations, even the primmest
veneer may conceal the *soul* of a gay debauchee.

This quiz is designed to detect how decadent you truly are - or might
*like* to be.  So choose the responses that most match your own
feelings, and remember - be *honest*.

1.  Your boudoir is:
a. Sleek and sparsely furnished with a huge platform bed.
b. Pure Victoriana - all needlepoint pillows, old family photos,
antique dolls.
c. A veritable harem, lush with silk sheets, scented candles.

2.  You find ideas of kinky sex:
a. Scary, but you'll try anything once.
b. Fabulous - you only wish you could unearth a partner who'd go
*along* with your darkest desires.
c. Thrilling, as long as it's occasional and not *too* far out.

3.  Your figure might be described as:
a. Nicely rounded - full breasts, curvy hips, a sexy swell of tummy.
b. Trim and athletic, nary an ounce of fat.
c. Frankly voluptuous - and you love it that way!

4.  Which of these male body parts turns you on most?
a. Penis.
b. Buttocks.
c. Forearms.
d. Back of the neck - it's so *vulnerable* looking!

5.  Your absolutely all-time favorite meal would include:
a. Caviar, wickedly rich profiteroles.
b. Spicy Thai or Indian food.
c. Pasta - *platefuls* of it.
d. An exquisitely delicate nouvelle-cuisine dish, such as poached bass
with ginger, which *looks* as good as it tastes.

6.  You'd never let a man catch you without makeup - true or false?

7.  In personal habits, you're
a. Scrupulously neat - never a curl nor a skirt pleat out of place.
b. Fairly orderly, although ther've been times you've sported slightly
pungent underwear or forgone a shampoo.
c. Gleefully sloppy - you simply haven't *time* for such neurotic
rituals.

8.  If you could travel to any of these destinations, it would be to:
a. Paris - for its tony boulevards, pulsing nightlife.
b. Hong Kong - this exotic Oriental city has *always* appealed.
c. Rome - birthplace of la dolce vita.
d. The Caribbean - ah, those sun-drenched beaches!

9.  You find oral sex:
a. Simply fabulous - you almost prefer it to intercourse.
b. Thrilling when *you* do it, but you're a bit squeamish and, yes,
angry when it's done *to* you.
c. A total turnoff.

10.  You've had at least one lesbian enounter - true or false?

11.  Looking into you lover's eyes at the moment of his climax makes
you feel:
a. Happy, but slightly embarrassed.
b. Resentful, rather used.
c. Giddily *dominant* - you're in power.

12.  In patterns, you tend to favor:
a. Showy, free-form flowers.
b. Lush paisleys.
c. Bold geometrics.
d. Fantasy prints alive with birds, animals, strange little figures.

13.  If your man told you he'd had an affair with another woman, you'd
be:
a. So shocked and hurt you'd probably end the relationship.
b. Upset, but not too - this *is* 1985.
c. Delighted - now you can tell him about *your* little flings.

14.  Your drink preference is:
a. Icy Russian vodka, swallowed neat.
b. A pina colada or mai tai.
c. *La bubbly*, of course!

15.  You wouldn't dream of not showering after lovemaking - true or false?

16.  Say you got an unexpected - and lavish - bonus.  You'd probably:
a. Go ahead and *buy* the glorious full-length Blackglama you've been
coveting, even if you have to wear it over jeans.
b. Spend weeks plotting the perfect wardrobe, then go on a wild spree.
c. Invest in a highly speculative stock you've a hunch will pay off
smashingly.

17.  You're most thrilled when he kisses:
a. Your breasts.
b. Your inner thighs.
c. Your palms.
d. The silky soles of your feet.

18.  People often think you have more money than you do - true or
false?

19.  You've tried smoking grass before making love and:
a. Found that it heightened your pleasure incredibly.
b. Didn't feel that much difference.
c. Loathed the experience - you'd rather cavort with every faculty
*intact*.

20.  It might sound silly, but you can actually tell whether or not
you're going to fall in love with a new man by the way he *smells* -
true or false?

21.  Your sexual fantasies often include:
a. Flamboyant orgies in which you're passed from man to man.
b. Images of rape and bondage.
c. King Arthur-type panoramas in which a dashing knight on horseback
comes to your rescue.
d. Schoolroom scenes in which you're at the complete mercy of a
sadistic teacher.

22.  How often have you engaged in relatively minor illegal activities
(stealing company paper, not declaring that new camera when you went
through customs)?
a. Frequently - and you've gotten a thrill out of having beaten the
system.
b. Never - you still remember how devastated you were when Mother made
you return that Mars bar you'd lifted.
c. Sometimes, but you're not really comfortable about it - stealing is
a *crime*.

23.  You're extremely sensitive to hot and cold - true or false?

24.  How many sexual partners have you had in the past year?
a. One.
b. Two to four.
c. Five to seven.
d. More than seven.

25.  For a costume party, you'd dress as:
a. A belly dancer.
b. Mata Hari.
c. A dashing Don Juan - top hat, tails, sexy pencil-thin mustache.
d. A twenties flapper.

Scoring
	a	b	c	d
1.	4	5	2
2.	3	5	2
3.	2	5	4
4.	1	3	5	4
5.	1	5	4	2
6. true - 0; false - 5
7.	0	5	4
8.	1	5	2	3
9.	5	3	0
10. true - 5; false - 0
11.	2	1	5
12.	0	3	5
13.	0	3	5
14.	5	2	1
15. true - 0; false - 5
16.	5	2	3
17.	1	2	4	5
18. true - 5; false - 0
19.	5	1	4
20. true - 5; false - 0
21.	2	3	4	5
22.	5	0	2
23. true - 5; false - 0
24.	0	1	2	5
25.	2	4	5	3

What Your Score Means
If you scored from 100 to 125 points, you're a Gay Debauchee; from 75
to 99 points, a Free Spirit; from 50 to 74, a Secret Sybarite; 49 or
under, a Nonadventurer.  Now, read on to find out more about the
categories.

The Gay Debauchee.  You're sensual, passionate... a complete hedonist
who denies herself *nothing*.  You'd take off for Tahiti on a whim,
dive naked into a moonlit hotel pool without a second's hesitation.
People adore you for your spontaneity, and you never lack for chums or
ardent suitors.  Do be just a *bit* cautious about excesses, daring
girl - be they of food, drink, sex, or any other area that invites
overindulgence; your taste for decadence sometimes gets you into
*mischief*!

Free Spirit.  Although not *quite* as daring as the Gay Debauchee, you
have a huge capacity for pleasure in all its varieties.  You're the
charmer who's ready to disco until dawn or try out new erotic
techniques, yet your fun-loving personality is wisely tempered by
solid good sense.  You prefer to balance play with *serious* endeavors
and never quite forget that your *career* needs looking after.  You
also know exactly when delvings into adventure may turn *dangerous* -
and pull back just in time.

Secret Sybarite.  You're intrigued by decadence, all right (perhaps
more than you'll *admit*?), but often shy away from nicely naughty
activities.  You're a bit timid in bed, and even when you *do* relax
and delight in new sensations, you wonder if you *deserve* such
thrills.  You do well to *accept* your wicked streak... then you'll
cut loose and *revel* in the pleasures that are rightfully yours.

Nonadventurer.  To you, jumpy mouse, peril lurks around every corner,
and you devote an inordinate portion of your time and energies to
*escape* rather than enjoyment.  You're also a rather disapproving
girl, and that straitlaced air often wobbles friendships and love
affairs before they're even *begun*.  Think about the traits that may
be keeping you from indulging your senses, then try to *free* yourself
>from fearful past conditioning and *expand* your sensual repertoire.


I thought this was interesting, but I wonder where they came up with
some of this stuff...

So, anyone going to tell what they got?


			Pooh's Decadence Test:


I agree, Mrose--the Decadence Test definitely doesn't
address our decadence needs as 'Kin.  So let's do
our own!

1)  Your favorite ice cream is:
	(Thomas Sweets can replace TOSCI'S (NB local hack))
	a)  Tosci's, but only Cocoa Pudding
	b)  ANY TOSCI'S, and preferably rubbed all
	    over my favorite 'Kin
	c)  Borden's vanilla

2)  Your favorite room decor is:
	a)  red lightbulbs, a waterbed with a crushed
	    velvet comforter, and purple walls
	b)  three terminals, wall-to-wall legos,
   	    jello in the bathtub, and a bed especially
 	    equipped with shock absorbers
	c)  Madonna posters.

3)  Your favorite meal is:
	a)  dinner at Kabuki's
	b)  what you eat around 3.30 am when
	    you start getting hungry and two
	    of the 'Kin go on a food run to
	    the Yuppie food store--whatever that
	    meal is called
	c)  breakfast at McDonald's

4)  You like watching your partner come because:
	a)  s/he looks so funny
	b)  "she's fun to watch because she bounces" (thanks, liz)
	c)  it's the only way you can tell for sure that s/he DID come

5)  Your ideal weekend away is:
	a)  tunnel hacking on excellent drugs
	b)  a national BandyCon
	c)  a trip for two to Elizabeth, New Jersey
	    (or maybe Gary, Indiana)

6)  You strongly believe in:

  	a)  sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll
	b)  making a name for yourself in BandyKin
	    history as the Kin Most Likely To
	c)  the power of emacs

7)  Your favorite singer is:
	a)  Frank Zappa
	b)  Bette Midler
	c)  Larry in the morning, while in the shower

8)  Your sleep patterns are:
	a)  exclusively night mode
	b)  whenever there's nothing better
	    to do (like when everyone else is
	    asleep, or the computer is down)
	c)  regular as clockwork

9)  Your favorite condiment is:
	a)  sesame oil
	b)  amaretto Love Oil
	c)  mayonnaise

10)  Your favorite clothes are:
	a)  lizzit's black dress and fishnet stockings
	b)  none at all--they just get in the way
	c)  izods and Bermuda shorts

Scores:  (the most important part):

Score 2 pts. for every "a" answer, 3 for every "b"
answer, and 0 for every "c" answer.

0-10:  You are a luser of the worst kind.  You probably
	have been reading this on your grandmother's
	hamster's third cousins' bboard.

11-20:  There is definitely hope for you, but spend
	a week at the Soup Kitchen to refine your
	decadence quotient.

20-30:  Congratulations!  You win!  Send me your
	name and phone number, along with your
	sexual preference (if I won't do, I have
	an interested friend).