>ABSENT: (n) The notation generally following your name in a class
record.
>
>ADMISSIONS OFFICE: (n) Where they take you to get you to admit you've
> mooned the keynote speaker during "new student weekend."
>
>ANATOMY: (n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until
> you find out what it REALLY involves.
>
>BIOLOGY: (n) A class located suspiciously near the cafeteria.
>
>BOOK: (n) A depository of knowledge which a student will try to stay
> awake long enough to read the night before finals.
>
>BOOKBAG: (n) A large container in which students store candy bars, gum,
> combs, little slips of paper with phone numbers on them, yo-yos,
> sunglasses, student I.D.s, loose change, magazines, & (occasionally)
books.
>
>CAFETERIA: (n) from Latin "cafe" ("place to eat") and "teria" ("to
wretch").
>
>CAFFEINE: (n) One of the four basic food groups.
>
>CALL: (v) What you can't do because your stupid roommate has to go over
> every stupid detail of every stupid day with their stupid hometown
> sweetheart.
>
>COACH: (n) A teacher who rewards successful "students" with a new
Corvette.
>
>CUM LAUDE: (v) How students in southern universities call dogs named
> "Laude."
>
>D-MINUS: (n) A pretty good grade.
>
>DORM: (n) Student residence located only a few convenient miles
> from 8 a.m. classes.
>
>DORMROOM: (n) A small closet-like area inhabited by a pair of
> incompatible people.
>
>EDUCATION BUDGET: (n) Money you allocate each month for movies and
> magazines.
>
>EGGHEAD: 1) (n) A brainy student who studies all the time and gets
>                straight A's.
>         2) (n) That same student once you've dropped eggs on him from
>                the roof of the science lab.
>
>EXTRA CREDIT: (n) What you wish you had on your credit card.
>F: (n) A grade that can usually be altered to look like a "B" on a
> test paper.
>
>JUNIOR VARSITY: (n) The team that everybody supports, but nobody goes
> to watch.
>
>KAPPA: (n) What members of sororities or fraternities wear on their
> headas.
>
>KITCHENETTE: (n) A small, thin person working in the cafeteria kitchen.
>
>KLUTZ: (n) What you discover your lab partner is when you ask him to
> slowly pour the sulfuric acid into the beaker you're holding.
>
>LAB: (n) A room full of icky, funny-looking creatures and the dead frogs
> they dissect.
>
>LETTERMEN: (n) Scholarship athletes who proudly wear letter sweaters
> proclaiming the vowel or consonant they have mastered.
>
>LIBERAL ARTS: (n) See: "Would you like fries with that?"
>
>LOUNGE: (n) Any area in a dorm, union or classroom building where the
only
>furniture that isn't soiled, ripped or scarred is immediately stolen.
>
>MAJOR: (n) Area of study that no longer interests you.
>
>MIDNIGHT OIL: (n) What you make popcorn in.
>
>MISERY: (n) The sinking feeling you get when introduced to the person
your
> roomie fixed you up with because "the two of you are so much alike."
>
>NICKNAME: (n) Generally, your own name with the suffix "ster" attached
in a
> forced awkward attempt at familiarity.  E.g. "Bobster," "Hankster" or
> "Georgester."
>
>NO: (n) The response that guys who will spend most of their time in the
gym
> lifting weights might put on a true/false test.
>
>NUDE MODELS: (n) The reason for your sudden interest in art.
>
>OFF-CAMPUS PARKING: (n) Ample extra parking usually found in an
adjoining
> county.
>
>OTHELLO: (n) Unless you're an English major, who really cares??
>
>OUT: (n) Where your roommate always is when one of the 35 clubs she
belongs
> to calls with a very important message.
>
>PAPER: (n) Your version of Cliff Notes.
>
>POSTER: (n) An inexpensive way to decorate a dormroom while making
people
> think you've been to foreign lands and done things you never have.
>
>PRE-LAW: (n) The major of a person who will end up in sales.
>
>VICE SQUAD: (n) A group of uniformed officers who seem to be under the
> impression that they were invited to your dorm party.
>
>VENDING MACHINE : (n) A coin operated device for dispensing breakfast,
lunch
> and dinner.
>
>VICTOR: (n) Your football team's weekly opponent.
>
>VICTORY: (n) A rarity; a three syllable word that cheerleaders CAN
spell.
>
>WEEKEND : (n) Two day period during which your growling stomach makes
you
>really wish you'd signed up for a seven day meal plan.
>
>WHIZ KID: (n) Your college nickname. But not for the reason people
think.
>
>WINDELLAS: (n) Name of the circus family you can run away and join when
your
> parents find out how much you put on their charge card.
>
>WINTER: (n) When the air conditioning in your dorm finally kicks in.
>
>WORK-STUDY: (n) Two things not done by a majority of students.
>
>WRISTWATCH: (n) That device on your arm that lets you know which class
> you're currently late for.
>
>X-RAY: (n) A medical technique that will display cafeteria meatballs up
to
> ten years after they're eaten.
>
>XYLEM: (n) We're not going to tell you this. You should know this. You
took
> Biology, didn't you? (Were you asleep that day or what?)
>
>YALE: 1) (n) A well known ivy league university.
>      2) (v) What southern cheerleaders do.
>
>YEARBOOK: (n) A book containing student pictures that will keep getting
> nerdier as the years go by.
>
>YESTERDAY: (n) When the 12 page paper you started tonight was due.
>
>YIELD SIGN: (n) Dormitory wall decoration you "purchased" around 3 in
the
> morning with the help of two buddies and a hammer.
>
>ZEPPELIN: 1) (n) A large blimp.
>          2) (n) Still the best band for playing air guitar in one's
>                 underwear.
>ZERO: (n) The number of times you've gotten to eat most of the pizza you
>  ordered.
>
>ZOO: (n) What dorms would look like if they were a little neater.
>
>ZOOLOGY: (n) The study of animal life (See: "Frat boys at Homecoming").