A few memorable phrases:


At a Santa Fe gas station:
 "We will not sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

In a New York restaurant:
 "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the
manager."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
 "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
                                             --Sisters of Mercy"

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
 "38 years on the same spot."

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
 "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

In a Florida maternity ward:
 "No children allowed."

In a New York drugstore:
 "We dispense with accuracy."

In the offices of a loan company:
 "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a New York medical building:
 "Mental Health Prevention Center"

On a New York convalescent home:
 "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

On a Maine shop:
 "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and
  workmanship."

At a number of military bases:
 "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
 "Now available in multi-packs."

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
 "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

In a funeral parlor:
 "Ask about our layaway plan."

In a clothing store:
 "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
 "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

On a shopping mall marquee:
 "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"

Outside a country shop:
 "We buy junk and sell antiques."

In the window of an Oregon store:
 "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

In a Maine restaurant:
 "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

On a radiator repair garage:
 "Best place to take a leak."

In the vestry of a New England church:
 "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light
 is extinguished."

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
 "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own
graves."

On a roller coaster:
 "Watch your head."

On the grounds of a public school:
 "No trespassing without permission."

On a Tennessee highway:
 "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."