APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied 
by a complete financial statement, school history, job history, ancestral 
lineage, DMV printout, and a current medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________  DATE OF BIRTH______________
HEIGHT____________  WEIGHT_____________  IQ__________ GPA______________
SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________  DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES______________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS__________________________  CITY/STATE___________  ZIP_____

Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? 
_________________________________________________
If NO, please explain 
_________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married 
_________________________________________________
If less than your age, explain 
_________________________________________________
Do you own a van? ___________  A truck with oversized tires?__________
A waterbed?___________ A pickup with a mattress in the back?__________
A condom?_______________  Pornography?_______________  
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? ___________
A tattoo?_____________

(IF YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE 
PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_______________________
_______________________________________________________________________  
_______________________________________________________________________  
In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?
_______________________________________________________________________  
_______________________________________________________________________  
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?_________________
_______________________________________________________________________  
_______________________________________________________________________  
Church you attend _____________________________________________________
How often you attend __________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
         father? _____________         priest? _______________
         mother? _____________         parole officer? _______
Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers are 
confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
_____________________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
_____________________________________________________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
_____________________________________________________________________
E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:
_____________________________________________________________________
NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue.  Leaving premises 
keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.

What do you want to do IF you grow up? 
_______________________________________________________________________  
_______________________________________________________________________  
What is the current going rate of a hotel room? 
_____________________
Condoms come in packages of (circle one)
         A:  3
         B:  6
         C:  9
         D: 12
         E: ALL OF THE ABOVE
How do you know?_______________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE 
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE 
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, 
RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron)