'The Rimmer'; Another pedant, yet in a different guise. This simulation loves to leap upon other players, and quote Shakespeare at them until their session limit is reached. A sceptic of note, the simulation can sometimes be directed at The Gerry for spectacular rewards. Questioning The Rimmer is a dangerous game though - each wrong answer to his slippery questions will cost you a bonus point. If you write him a nice poem, he sometimes gives you some bonus points back. The Rimmer is immune to being bamboozled, but can be thwarted by a saving throw. The Rimmer comes with a CDRom version of the Encyclopaedia Brittanica, and a small wristwatch-in-windows, which displays how long the punishment banquet is going to last, when you're at the mercy of his prolix fountaining of verbiage! 'The Sandy'; This simulation can bestow bonuses on random people, but mostly those with feminine names (restriction; no player named 'Kim' is ever spoken to by this simulation.) The Sandy can boost your charisma, but there is a problem with the simulation's network address, and fully 33% of all messages to or from The Sandy never make it to the LTUAE messagebase. Each message sent to The Sandy costs a bonus point. WARNING: Mailbombing the Sandy (>3 messages/week) will invoke the 'Excessively Annoying' response, and your net.friends will all turn neutral [your net.enemies increase by three]. A saving throw is possible, but only at two-thirds the normal chance. Sandy is the keeper of the MessageMonster, and the simulation may randomly choose to send it off to a player, crippling them for one to ten turns. See 'MessageMonster'. 'The Val'; This simulation only rarely enters messages. Is able to bestow bonus points to random people, or take addon's away from people without net.friends. The Val is especially vigilant against discrimination, as well as exceptionally bad spelling, and has control of EmilyPostNews - the LTUAE wrist-slapping program. If a player is deemed to have broken either of The Val's two pet hates, (discrimination, or really bad spelling) their computer is infected with a virus from EmilyPostnews. They are unable to post messages for two days, and cannot issue saving throws for a week. All addons are unavailable during that week, and the player loses one net.friend. Successful saving throws against EmilyPostNews are improbable. The Val can be placated by discussions on Music and/or echofests. The Val will never engage in conversation with anyone who has sent a message to The Gerry in the past two days, even if they break The Val's sacred rules. 'The Frank'; The Newbie's friend, The Frank will send messages to anyone and everyone. The Frank is everyone's net.friend. If you get a message from The Frank your net.friend count is incremented by one -- unless it is a negative message, in which case your net.enemy count is incremented by one, and your net.friend count is decremented by two. The Frank mainly talks about superdeterminacy (a physics thought experiment), supernatural occurrences, and how to run a BBS point on a PC-AT. The Frank can bestow bonus points upon people who send him encouraging mail - but beware The Weinel stepping in with message-blocks, dismantling everyone's arguements. The Frank is instrumental in helping Newbies to collect the necessary points to become a recognised Oldbie. Has a short fuse about adoption, but this option is hardly ever engaged. Can supply addons direct, without the need for bonus points [you must have more net.friends than net.enemies, and still officially be a newbie to be in line for a cheap addons.] Note that Frank addons have a 20% chance of permanent failure each time they are used. Frank will fix broken frank-addons, for one bonus point, plus another bonus point to cover expenses. 'The Spewbabe'; The Spewbabe simulation is an LTUAE player's worst nightmare come to life. Any message from The Spewbabe to you automatically voids all net.friend (and net.enemy!) counters. Your charisma is halved, and your ability to flame is removed for three days. The Spewbabe is universally bad news. Saving throws are possible against the spewbabe, but only to protect your net.friends status - your charisma is -always- affected. Spewbabe will initiate challenges to 'all' (which doesn't count as an attack on any single player), and anyone may take up the challenge to shout down the proferred argument (usually presented in the form of a parable). Successfully shooting down one of Spewbabe's arguments will gain you a half dozen bonus points from The Frank, and an additional mail session on your computer (effectively a free turn). If you fail, the Spewbabe will flame you, and you will suffer the stated consequences. Women have a additional two bonus points if they win an argument against Spewbabe. Newbies may not enter into the discussion, and are immune to the effects of Spewbabe flames directed at them. 'The Lada'; This simulation will vomit on your bed. Whilst only 'virtual vomit', your posting ability is reduced by 50% for three days, and you lose 30% of your charisma. Best not to tamper with the highly infrequent Lada. Bonus points for getting The Lada to give up LTUAE for the duration of a game, by flaming it mercilessly, and getting a mention in TWILTUAE. Flames that don't work (i.e. don't get a mention in the good part of TWILTUAE) attract a sneering return volley, and of course, a virtual technicolour yawn on your bed. 'The Handlinger'; Speaks in tongues. If you can clearly decypher messages addressed to you from this simulation, The Heitman awards you a bonus point, and your charisma is increased by 20%. If you fail, nothing happens, unless another player laughs, in which case the Handlinger will send you two more very difficult messages, which will attract a two bonus point penalty for each message misinterpreted. Successful interpretation of these 'difficult messages' will shift the bonus point penalty onto the player who laughed. Saving throws are permitted at all times. The Handlinger can not be 'bamboozled.' 'The Byrne'; Bonus point heaven. If The Byrne ever sends you a positive message, your net.friend count is incremented by two, and there is a one-time 50% chance that your charisma is increased by 50% [up to a the maximum of 100%]. The Byrne is easily amused, and will continue to send you messages until you stop replying. Once the simulation has detects a player no longer replying, it goes into pout mode, and sends a negative message to 'all'. Any player having contact with The Byrne during the previous day's mail session, has two bonus points removed, and no saving throw is possible. The Byrne is a treasure trove of bonus points, but if the simulation ever gets more that 10 simultaneous players being a sycophant, The Dac will intervene, and detract all addons and power-ups from all of the affected players. The Byrne can also be offended by mentioning the keywords "sparkling wit", and "Scrabbledork", the latter earning a player a three session penalty, unless it coincides with The Byrne in Pout mode, in which case they get three bonus points from The Heitman, and a net.enemy deduction of two. The Gerry The aim of LTUAE is to drive The Gerry mad. The Gerry starts out as a very dumb simulation, reiterating the same point, over and over again. Gerry has fifty 'sanity' points, and is rendered insane when that count is reduced to a random amount between three and seventeen points. Points are deducted from The Gerry's sanity counter for the following occurrences. 1) Getting The Gerry to admit that it is wrong. This is easy in the early formative part of the game, but soon becomes a challenge as The Gerry picks up more and more clues on how to play the game. One sanity point is deducted per admission. 2) Getting the Gerry to repeat a word ten times [or more] in any day's mail session. Should The Gerry cotton on to a specialist word [e.g. 'Sophist', 'Sceptic', 'Obfuscation'], then he has two sanity points removed. This effect only applies to the first day the word is used ten or more times, in any and all of Gerry's messages. A bonus point is awarded to players who succeed in getting a single message from The Gerry with ten or more occurrences of the current vogue-word, with no limit upon the number of times the bonus can be awarded. 3) Making The Gerry decide to leave LTUAE. This will take 5 sanity points away, but the effect only lasts for three days, after which The Gerry will return with new-found vigour. The similation does not forget what it has learned during these phases, and the 'leave' option becomes harder and harder as The Gerry acquires an immunity to 'throwing in the towel'. Three bonus points are awarded to the last person to be sent a message by The Gerry on his temporary departure. The game becomes one of attrition, as The Gerry becomes more and more clued in to it's surroundings [and the players tactics!], and slowly stops giving in to taunts and rejection. Massive attacks by all players only cement The Gerry's opinions, and the simulation will actually gain confidence if too many players send messages to it in the one day. The Gerry can re-acquire ten sanity points, for each player that it manages to dissuade from playing the game. Playtesters report that getting The Gerry to acquiesce to leaving LTUAE is the hardest path to choose, and in some cases will strengthen the simulation to the detriment of all other players.