Following the lead of other supernauts on Paranoia, I decided to keep a journal of what happened to me the first time I dropped acid. 11-8-95 12:16 A.M. After much indecision, hand wringing, and mental 'should I, shouldn't I' games, I decided to dose. I did it in the hallway outside my dorm room. I was on the way back from the laundry room, having done a favor for my girlfriend, when I decided, 'fuck it' and dropped. White Blotter, no design. S and R both said it was good, and they know what they are talking about. {Quotes from journal} 'Feeling very excited and nervous, excited because I can't wait to see what is out there (why does acid take so long to kick in?) and nervous since I am the only one dropping, and what if I don't *like* what's out there after all? 'at least it's not cold tonight, N says that the most essential thing for any hallucinatory experience is a strong pair of boots, a heavy sweater, and a backpack with water and clean socks. Since he's eaten his weight in mushrooms, I take his advice and put some things together. nervousness dissappearing, being replaced by an excited sense of waiting. I decide to go read FAQ's and trip stories one more time. But it's like they say, reading about an apple and biting into one are totally different things. 'I decide to turn the computer on, in case I forget how. {I had been writing this out by hand} My mindset-Mild nervousness, very excited about what is to come, the way you felt when you were 5 years old and were about to embark on what seemed like the greatest journey of your life. 12:30 A.M. I'm trying too hard to feel effects that aren't there yet. Decide to go check laundry. Put on Pink Floyd. Darkside. T, my girlfriend, is asleep in bed behind me, as I sit in my chair and scribble like a madman. It kills me. I light two 18' candles. Still waiting, just waiting. 12:33 A.M. K came in, and asked me what was going on. I told him I had just dropped acid. Looking surprised, he told me to get him when it kicked in. {K is dropping for the first time on Friday.} 12:41 A.M. Looking at computer screen, became mesmerized by candle reflection. Perhaps still trying too hard. T's asleep. She needs it. Should be hitting soon!!!!!!!!! 12:42 A.M. I am sooo impatient. I want this trip to start, but it's not. (wait...) 12:54 A.M. Remember T's laundry and see to it. 'us and them' on the cd player. 1:03 A.M. damn it shoulda kicked in by now. Maybe it was bunk? 1:06 A.M. Ok...nothing cool has happened yet. 1:11 A.M. Why am I not feeling anything? 1:17 A.M. {almost exactly one hour after ingestion} Realized, after staring at Acid Warp {screen saver} for 6 minutes, that I am starting to feel something. Perceptions are definitely askew. I haven't left the real world, but I feel like I'm being tilted to the plane of reality. I think I knew too much, read too much, before I took acid. I was full of so many expectations and desires, that I had created in my mind what it wold be like, even before I took it. It's like the Zen story about 'emptying your cup'. YOu have to lose all your expectations and preconceived notions about what it will be like. Well, there is no way to tell what it will be like for you. Every individual is different, and so the reactions to LSD will vary. It's different for everyone. The world is definitely 'different.' Decide to go check laundry. Still not dry. Decide to go look for things to do. 1:27 A.M. Just freaked myself out by staring at my face in the bathroom mirror. It was pretty scary. My face morphed into a were-wolf leopard thing. Totally twisted. Then I brought out my mental light saber and stopped that particular hallucination. All I have to say is, _Star Wars_ relates to absolutely everything. {more on that later} T looks so beautiful and peacefully asleep on my bed, she lies breathing soft and steady and I want her...but she needs to sleep. I know she needs to sleep so I offer her sleep instead of pleasure. God how can I say things like that. she takes sleep whether I offer it to her or not. I'm not this magnanimous, patronizing figure that I like to make myself out to be. Depth perception getting really strange. Going to find social interaction, if I can peel myself from the computer coccoon I have created for myself. 1:56 A.M. Found W and R, and they are going with me to 7-11. Actually they are taking me along with them, as they were going anyway. Upstairs to get my stuff and enter this. Perceptions altered but having a really really really good time. Maybe I have this good of a time all the time, but the simple action of me putting the blotter on my tongue allowed me to realize it??? Just a symbol of removing all obstructions to enjoying life? Is this acid simply 'John's new clothes' so to speak? 'But,' cried the little child, 'he hasn't go any clothes on at all.' eheheheeeeee!!! Are hallucinations merely the chemical removal of barriers blocking our sensory apparatus? That is to say, are the things we see on LSD always there, in our minds, and the drug lets us see them, or are they created by the drug itself? This seems like a totally valid question to me at this point, exactly 2 am. 2:45 A.M. A lot of shit happened. Went to sev. Oh god was it really only 45 minutes ago? The walls started to breathe...The hallway outside is lightyears away ahahahahaaaaaaa and it all contains *so* *much* meaning. hehehehe I am just chuckling for no reason. what? Let me have some of that water. Refill it then. thanks. I just realized I can't talk. I have to communicate to T via the computer. She's looking at me like I've lost my mind, which, from an objective stance, is completely understandable. i can laugh, but I have to communicate all my thoughts to T on screen, I'm serious. Here, start from the beginning. Is that how you spell that? {overcame apahsia and started talking again :) } 2:49 A.M. T really thinks I am losing it, and of course to her I am, but to me it is incredibly natural that all events unfold this way, that things happen the way they do... Sev was a new experience. It was bursting with sounds and smells and colors and lights...I remember taking a bag of Potato Chips, marked in big red letters '4 ounces for .99' up to R, and remarking in a loud voice, 'how cool would it be if this bag didn't actually have weed in it at all?' I knew of course that it was full of potato chips, but i just started laughing. 4:00 A.M. Wow. Laying in my bed with T, objects on my desk seemed to grow and shrink. My computer and candles seemed at one moment tiny then the next were over 30 feet high. I swear to god that I have a huge monitor heheheeee Man I'm having a great time. Talk to T all night. Realize all sorts of wonderful things, most too private to share. Eat some pop tarts that I bought at sev. The little sugar crystals glittered so perfectly that it broke my heart to take a bite of the toaster pastry. Decided never to eat sausage again. I saw little green dots crawling all over a summer sausage I found in my pocket. Gave it to W. He ate it. Spent a long time in the bathroom, trying to figure out what color the floor *really* was. T told me it was white. I said, 'but It can't be white.' very trippy. Oh yeah. Sex on acid. Pretty cool, but I bet it's cooler if you both are frying. it's unlike sex on weed, or sex sober. like I've said, very trippy. Acid kicks ass, but I don't think I can handle this more than once a month. heeheh 'My monthly period is a microdot' heheheheh I made that up. Shold go in the hemp 100 in _High Times_ hehehehhehe 7:00 am Coming down. Had a GREAT TIME. can't wait to try it in a group of friends. Oh yeah, more on _Star Wars_. My trip started to go bad twice. The first time was when I wigged my skull by looking at my face for too long. the second was when I saw T's face start to decay. { I thought she was angry with me, nd these negative feelings manifested themselves as decay} Both times, I was able to exert my will and pull the trip back in line. When Luke asks old Ben if the Force controls your actions, Ben says yes, but that it also obeys your commands. LSD, to me {so far...} is like that. I *don't* *want* to have to use my will during a trip, much like a Jedi master not wanting to use his lightsaber unless he has too. But if you need it, it's there...Just use the force. ******* Well, that's my first trip. it's now 3:31 pm. I went to class at 11, lunch, and spent the afternoon typing this. Feeling a bit tired, but great. Well, thanks for reading. A very good experience, all in all. John