-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _____________________________ | __ __ | | |__' |__ | | .__|upermarket | un | |_____________________________| -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _____________________________ | __ __ | | |__' |__ | | .__|upermarket | un | |_____________________________| By: <==-007-==> The first in a series of "Fun" philes....Next: Sibling Fun.... -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Now, on with this damn phile, eh? As some of you might have already guessed, this phile will tell you all about how to have loads of fun in any supermarket or grocery store. There are many different things to do in a supermarket that will provide entertainment as well as pissing off people in general. First, though, you should get some friends to increase the entertainment value of the whole excursi- on, as well as to provide even more destruction. I've found that you can get away with a lot of things (playing chase throughout the aisles, playing soccer or football with various perishables, etc.) and no one will say anything. If anyone does say anything, do the kindly anarchist thing and tell them to fuck off. Ok. One very fun thing to do is fuck with the shopping carts themselves. You can fill up many carts and then strew them all around the store, for example. I'm sure that almost every employee just loves to spend their time ridding the store of the bogus carts you created. Or maybe you would rather gather ten or so carts and then make barriers in aisles when no one is look- ing. Wouldn't you like to hear "Um...Frank..someone seems to have made a collection of carts in aisle four, so could you clean it up please, thank you..." announced over the loudspeaker system of your nearest Giant or Safeway? Or you can have your very own shopping cart drag races in the frozen food section. Perhaps you're one of the more destructive types. If you are, then "bumper carts" is just for you. Just smash the carts into one another and relive those magic childhood moments at the carnival. One VERY funny stunt that produces great results is fucking with other people's carts. Just go around throwing things into carts when the owner is not looking. "Wait a minute..where the hell did this damn watermellon come from?! I hate watermellons." Doing that can greatly confuse a person, so go ahead, make someone think they're goin' crazy! Another fun thing to do at a grocery store is, of course, playing with the food. See how many times you and a friend can throw toilet paper over aisle eight without hitting anyone. You can always go for 'distance' by throwing fruits or vegetables over as many aisles as possible. Or perhaps you would rather test your bowling skills. Just stack up anything handy (paper towles, cans, plastic soda bottles, etc.) and roll any sphere like object at it (melons, or perhaps a can of Kool Aid?) You could always play a quick game of basketball. Just set up an empty cart and find something that bounces (or doesn't), then go for those three point shots. In fact, almost every major sport (except water pollo, but that's not a major sport, now is it?) can be played with ease at your closest supermakert or grocery store. Pissing off the employees is also entertaining. I'm sure you can think of many ways to do this, but try the following. Trying to buy alcohol if you're under age (insist that you aren't!), shouting obscenities, eating 'bulk' food right out of the container, dropping (accidently of course!) a few glass bottles, going down to where the employees eat and just sit at the table, and also try to buy nine packs of gum in the '8 items or less' lane. You could also try loitering, just sit at the magazine rack and catch up on your reading. Another fun thing to do is to keep bugging an employee hard at work. I'm sure an employee would appreciate it if you dragged him from his task just so you could buy one red hot from the bulk food section. Yet another entertaining thing to do is cause the store to lose customers. The easiest way to do this is to just buy something so you and a friend can get in line. Then look at what the person ahead of you is getting and tell you friend that "whatever the next person has" was laced with poison or something to that effect. Oh, here's yet another entertaining thing to do. Go outside the store and look for carts that are full and just sitting there with no on by them (the owner has gone to get his/her car). When you have found such a cart, take some bags or better yet, take the whole cart. Now you have a weeks worth of free grocer- ies. So get some friends together and have a party (what else would you do with six bags of food?) If the owner suddenly appears while you are "buying" your groceries, just push the cart as hard as you can at him/her and take off. If you are lucky enough two find two of these carts, then you can have some real fun. Just start taking things out of one cart and chuck it in the other, better yet, just exchange bags! Then sit back and watch the confussion. Although the people probably won't notice the difference until they get home and unpack. Don't you wish you could see their reaction?! Oh, you could also just take someones cart and move it down a bit...that way you could see their reaction and that would of course increase your enjoyment. A vast amount of fun can be had in the frozen food section. Just take some frozen products or ice cream and put them in one of those desrted isles so they can thaw out. After that, cruise over to where ever the food coloring is kept and snag some. Then go back to frozen foods and find some nice ice cream. Now just open up ice cream containers and put about thirty drops of red (or whatever color) food coloring in 'em. Wouldn't YOU be surprised if you opened up a half gallon of vanilla ice cream at home and found red swirls and patches in it?? Do you want to get people in trouble? Then you can have lots of fun screwing with the prices of things. You can take some steaks and throw 'em into the "reduced food section". Most people are stupid and would jump at the chance to get a turkey for a few bucks. Or, you could just take a large marker into the store with you and write "5 cents" on everything you see. Write it on donut boxes, cereal boxes, soda bottles, or anything you see. My last topic is everyone's favorite, taking what is not rightfully yours (shoplifting, dumbass) It's surprisingly simple to lift things from grocery stores. I'm not going to give you a shoplifting tutorial here though, if you need to read a phile to learn how to lift, you're an idiot. Also, you can eat things right in the store if you want. Just take your snack to a deserted aisle and then satisfy your stomach. Of course, the only thing you could steal from Giant is food (or those cheap plastic toys aften found in grocery stores, but why would you want those?), and since a box of cereal is a bit to obvious under one's shirt, I suggest candy. But go ahead and take what you want, I couldn't give a shit. Well, I was wrong, I have one more thing I want to tell you about (gee I'm tricky...) Ok, have you ever seen those swinging double-doors in the back near the meat?? These doors can lead you to loads of fun. Back there they store all their excess until they have room for it. So you can go back there and fuck around like crazy (if anyone asks you what the hell you're doing back there, just say you're going to the bathroom, the bathrooms are ALWAYS back there somewhere), doing whatever the hell you want. Try rearranging anything you may find back there. Go ahead, screw up their inventory! Well, I hope you have all learned something from this tutorial on how to fuck with your grocery store. Oh, and I >>>am<<< responsible for whatever actions you may take as a result of reading this phile. When you get in trouble, just go ahead and say 007 told you to do it. Of course, if you're good you never get in trouble (or even worry about getting in trouble) As you can see, I just really don't give a shit! Look for my next phile, Sibling Fun. This phile will tell you how to abuse and fuck with your younger brother or sister just for the hell of it or to gain profit. Oh yeah, don't forget to watch Late Night With David Letterman this summer...(hell, I watch it during school time) Until then.................. <==-007-==> ---------------------------------------------------------------- Call: Firestorm's Realm - (703) 998-7789 Mount Olympus - (408) 438-3349 The Works(900+ g-philes!) - (914) 238-8195 ---------------------------------------------------------------- X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X Another file downloaded from: The NIRVANAnet(tm) Seven & the Temple of the Screaming Electron Taipan Enigma 510/935-5845 Burn This Flag Zardoz 408/363-9766 realitycheck Poindexter Fortran 510/527-1662 Lies Unlimited Mick Freen 801/278-2699 The New Dork Sublime Biffnix 415/864-DORK The Shrine Rif Raf 206/794-6674 Planet Mirth Simon Jester 510/786-6560 "Raw Data for Raw Nerves" X-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-X