Free Postage by the Jolly Roger

The increasing cost of postage to mail letters and packages is

bringing down our standard of living. To remedy this deplorable

situation, some counter control measures can be applied.

For example, if the stamps on a letter are coated with Elmer's

Glue by the sender, the cancellation mark will not destroy the stamp:

the Elmer/s drives to form an almost invisible coating that protects

the stamps from the cancellation ink. Later, the receiver of the

letter can remove the cancellation mark with water and reuse the

stamps. Furthermore, ecological saving will also result from recycling

the stamps. Help save a tree.

The glue is most efficently applied with a brush with stiff,

short bristles. Just dip the brush directly into the glue and spread

it on evenly, covering the entire surface of the stamp. It will dry

in about 15 minutes.

For mailing packages, just follow the same procedure as outlined

above; however, the package should be weighed and checked to make sure

that it has the correct amount of postage on it before it is taken to

the Post Office.

Removing the cancellation and the glue from the stamps can be

easily accomplished by soaking the stamps in warm water until they

float free from the paper. The stamps can then be put onto a paper

towel to dry. Processing stamps in large batches saves time too.

Also, it may be helpful to write the word 'Elmer' at the top of the

letter (not on the envelope) to cue the receiving party in that the

stamps have been protected with the glue.

We all know that mailing packages can be expensive. And we also

know that the handicapped are sometimes discriminated against in jobs.

The Government, being the generous people they are, have given the

blind free postal service.

Simply address you envelope as usual, and make one modification.

In the corner where the stamp would go, write in (or stamp) the words

'FREE MATTER FOR THE BLIND". Then drop you package or letter in one

of the blue fedral mailboxes. DO NOT TAKE THE LETTER TO THE POST


Sounds very nice of the government to do this, right? Well, they

aren't that nice. The parcel is sent library rate, that is below

third class. It may take four to five days to send a letter to just

the next town.

This too is quite simple, but less effective. Put the address

that you are sending the letter to as the return address. If you were

sending a $20 donation to the pirate's Chest, you would put our

address (po box 644, lincoln ma. 01773) as the return address.

Then you would have to be carless and forget to put the stamp on

the envelope. A nice touch is to put a bullshit address in the center

of the envelope.

Again, you MUST drop the letter in a FEDRAL mailbox. If the post

office doesn't send the letter to the return address for having no

stamp, they will send it back for the reason of "No such address".



Pirates Chest Dept. 40DD

P.O. Box 644865

Lincol, Ma. 41773


Tom Bullshit

20 Fake Road

What Ever, XX 99851


One last thing you might try doing is soaking a cancelled stamp

off of an envelope, and gluing it onto one you are sending. Then burn

the stamp, leaveing a little bit to show that there was one there.