Psychology Articles-2

Do Kids Ever Recover Completely From a Parent's Affair?

Denver -September 1, 1998

Mom is crying on the living room couch. Dad is staring out the window, looking miserable. They've been arguing about a woman named Kathy, whom Mom obviously doesn't like. You don't know what happened, but you know something's terribly wrong, and you're worried. A parental affair is hard on a marriage, and anything that's hard on a marriage is hard on children.

Just ask Chelsea Clinton, who is a member of a big club. Or princes Harry and William, club members, too. Depending on which statistics you like, 25 percent to 50 percent of husbands and 15 percent to 30 percent of wives have affairs at some point during their marriages. And most marriages feature children. We asked several professionals who have counseled families blown apart by affairs to talk about the risks to children, and about what parents can do to get kids through the crisis with as little damage as possible.

"A father's affair poses particular danger to boys," said Michael Gurian, a family therapist in Tacoma, Wash., and author of A Fine Young Man and The Wonder of Boys. "It can give a certain permission to be sexually promiscuous, and a lot of boys are looking for that. "Boys require a tremendous amount of guidance and nurturing to develop morally, and a father's affair can derail a boy's ability to form a moral system around his sexuality."

Girls, too, are at risk, says Elise Katch, a licensed clinical social worker with a family therapy practice in Denver. "When the first trusted male in her life devastates her and lies to her, it's going to shatter a girl's future ability to trust," Katch said. "The father is a girl's primary role model for her future love relationships." Katch says girls whose fathers have affairs may choose husbands who will do the same thing, or they may never marry. "Many women make those choices without ever realizing why."

A mother's affair is no picnic, either. "A child tends to carry the shame of the same-sex parent," Gurian said, "and a daughter will take on the shame of the mother."

The risk is high that a child of a parent who has an affair will turn against the whole idea of marriage, said Diane Medved, a clinical psychologist in Seattle, author of The Case Against Divorce and co-author with husband Michael Medved of Saving Childhood: Protecting Our Children from the National Assault on Innocence.

"If you sense that your children are getting sour on marriage, it's important to tell them that despite this terrible and unexpected moment in our lives, the institution itself isn't bad," Medved said. "Tell them to think about all the families that are happy, and all the people who are better people because they're married. "Kids want to believe in happily-ever-after," Medved said, "and they have a right to see that as an option."

Talking things through is essential, said Jeffrey Dolgan, chief of psychology at Children's Hospital. "It's just basic mental hygiene for both parents to talk to their children when there's a change in the family's equilibrium," Dolgan said. "Ask them how they're doing. Tell them that you recognize how tough this is for them. Assure them that things will eventually settle down, and that here's what you need to know, and here's what's going to happen.

"Tell them you're available if they want to talk. Kids need reassurance and a sense of direction." Do kids ever recover completely? Depends on the definition of completely. Consider the words of Robert Maginnis, senior policy advisor for the Family Research Council in Washington, who said in a 1997 Associated Press interview that both his parents had engaged in adultery.

"When you see your parents cavorting with other people, it just turns your stomach . ... It affects your self-esteem. It affects your co-workers, the neighborhood, the local church, the school.

Janet Simons, Rocky Mountain News

Kindness can send the guilty on a long trip

San Francisco--August 16, 1998

Nando News

Want to send somebody on a lasting guilt trip? Bring up their dastardly deed by offering forgiveness. Say it's not their fault. Assure them there's no need to make up for it. Make your point before they get a chance to reply. And it'll probably help if they don't quite believe you.

That's a good bet for producing long-lasting guilt, at least in people who think they deserve to feel guilty, new studies suggest. But there's a risk to this approach: It can damage your relationship with the transgressor more than if you'd essentially said, "Hey! You goofed," according to researcher Tamara Ferguson of Utah State University.

Guilt is "a major factor that regulates people's behavior," said Roy Baumeister of Case Western Reserve University. He and others at the seminar said guilt can be a good thing when it equalizes an imbalance of power in a relationship and helps people follow rules and expectations of society and loved ones.

But guilt that's chronic, frequent or inappropriate can be harmful by making people ashamed of themselves rather than keeping them in line. She presented results from studies of 384 college students who were asked to recall instances when somebody made them feel guilty. She wanted to know whether the method of creating this guilt trip affected how long the guilt lasted.

She checked on three categories of technique. One involved direct assertions, like saying "That's not fair!" or "Do you know what you've done?" A second included indirect ploys, like giving hints through tone of voice. The third was introducing the topic with apparent kindness: "It's all right, I forgive you ... It's not your fault ... You don't need to make it up to me."

When the students reported an incident that produced lingering guilt, the guilt trip was usually delivered through the kindness category. When they reported incidents of briefer guilt, it usually followed a direct technique. The students' relationships with the guilt-tripper deteriorated more often when the guilt was lingering -- lasting more than a week -- rather than briefer.

So when is the right time to offer forgiveness? It depends on what you want to do, Ferguson said in an interview.

If you want to prolong the guilt, do it before they get a chance to say anything. If you want to help the relationship instead, give them a chance to own up to their transgression first, because that lets them save face by doing a morally right thing. Leary, who studies emotions provoked by social situations, said in an interview he was surprised at first by Ferguson's results. Then he realized that the kindness strategy may come in two versions. If the guilty party believes the person is sincere, it should "cut guilt pretty dead," he reasoned. But if they think the person still feels aggrieved despite the words, he said, "I think you're going to continue to feel guilty."

A Woman's Words Will Help You Cope With Stress

By Roger Highfield - March 29, 1999

The more women friends you have, the better you can cope with the kind of stress linked with heart disease, according to one of a series of stress studies published this week.

Words of comfort from a man can have the opposite effect from that intended, says the report in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine.

In one experiment at University of California, Irvine, men and women were asked to make an impromptu five-minute speech as a stress test. When a woman listener in the support role provided sympathetic nods, smiled and laughed, and murmured "good point" now and then, the speakers showed a modest blood pressure increase. But when men provided similar feedback, the average rise was 25 per cent higher - more than if the men had acted in a neutral way.

The data does not explain why support from women is more effective. However, Dr Laura Glynn, the lead author, says the finding is consistent with the idea that married men are healthier than single men. It explains why women do not profit as much from marriage or suffer as much from its break-up - because the support that they gain or lose from men is less effective. Suffering connected with premenstrual stress syndrome may depend on what women think they should experience. Dr Maria Marvan and a colleague at the Universidad de las Americas in Puebla, Mexico, showed a 10-minute videotape describing PMS and its effects to half of a group of 86 factory workers who had few preconceptions about PMS. The other half saw a videotape simply describing the menstrual cycle.

The PMS videotape had a dramatic effect: while 51 per cent of the experimental group reported no premenstrual symptoms before seeing it, the number fell to two per cent after the video. While two per cent had moderate symptoms before and none had severe symptoms, this rose to 54 per cent and seven per cent, respectively.

A combination of high job stress and family responsibilities causes significant increases in blood pressure for white-collar women with a university degree. Unlike men, their blood pressure remains high after work. Quebec City research institutes found that two or more children, and housework, significantly contributed to increased blood pressure.

Many Men Suffer Sexual Abuse

BBC Health News - March 29, 1999

Thousands of adult men suffer from sexual abuse, a survey has discovered.

Researchers from three London hospitals interviewed 2,474 men and found that around three per cent had experienced sexual abuse as adults.

Of the 71 men who reported non-consensual sex experiences, one in five had been raped by a man.

The researchers found a higher rate of abuse among younger men - indicating that the problem is on the increase.

Men who had suffered sexual abuse were more likely to suffer from psychological problems than the general population, including alcohol misuse and self-harm.

But the overwhelming majority decided to suffer in silence, failing to seek professional help or report the matter to the police.

Most extensive study yet

The researchers are the first to carry out such an extensive study into sexual abuse among men.

They warn that medical professionals need to be aware that these men are psychologically vulnerable.

Writing in the British Medical Journal, they warn that their estimate of the prevalence of sexual abuse in men is likely to be a conservative one as many victims do not wish to discuss what has happened to them.

While interviewing the men, the researchers also found that more than one in 20 (5.4%) had been subjected to non-consensual sexual experiences as children, and that abuse as a child was often followed by a similar experience in adulthood.

The researchers point out that previous studies have concentrated on the possibility of sexually abused boys becoming perpetrators in adulthood.

The possibility of early abuse leading to further victimisation as adults is a concept that has been neglected, they say.

Majority are heterosexual

Overall the study found that of the men who said they had sex forced on them, 46% said it was by a woman.

Of those men who reported non-consensual sexual experiences with other men, most defined themselves as primarily heterosexual.

However, men who had consensual sex with other men were six times more likely to have non-consensual sex as an adult.

The researchers point to research that shows that, on average, gay and bisexual men have more sexual partners than heterosexual men.

The speculate that increasing numbers and anonymity of sexual partners may increase the risk of non-consensual sex.

One of the authors, Professor Michael King, of the Royal Free and University College Medical School, said only 1% of men who had suffered sexual abuse reported it to the police.

He said it was less clear how many sought medical support as they might seek help for the subsequent psychological difficulties, rather than the abuse itself.

He said: "The public need much more information on the problem so that men are less reluctant to report to professionals and to the police.

"For many men these problems stem from childhood experiences but, if the cause remains unknown, the problems are difficult to solve.

"Doctors and other professionals need to be aware that this occurs and that men with psychological problems may have this as part of their history - just as is recognised for women."

Official police figures show that 227 men were raped in 1995, an increase of 51% from 1994 figures.

Shakespeare meets Freud in psychoanalytical study

Waka Tsunoda - New York - March 29, 1999 - AP

Though Hamlet is supposed to have lived some 300 years before Freud, it seems he made a Freudian slip nevertheless. And the slip, says a leading psychoanalyst, sheds light on the darkest corner of his mind, and also shows William Shakespeare's genius in depicting a person's inner life.

Dr. Eugene J. Mahon, training analyst at Columbia College of Physicians and Surgeons, discusses his discovery in the annual journal Psychoanalytical Study of the Child, a publication that showcases the latest psychoanalytic thoughts and theories on a variety of subjects.

Hamlet makes the slip in his first soliloquy. Lamenting his mother's hasty remarriage to his uncle only one month after his father's death, the Prince of Denmark mumbles: "But two months dead! - nay, not so much, not two."

Why does he say two, instead of one, and immediately correct himself? That's because Hamlet, in his unconscious Oedipal fantasy, killed his father a month before his uncle actually did, Mahon argues.

"Children want exclusive possession of one parent and want to get rid of the other one," the analyst explained in an interview. "Usually for a boy, that would be, he wants complete possession of his mother and wants to get rid of his father. But he feels guilty about it because he loves his father, too. It is a conflict, and it's almost impossible for the child to make sense out of it. So, at about age 6, he represses it. When adolescence comes, however, his Oedipus complex is rehashed, making it possible for a new resolution to be achieved in adulthood."

Oedipus is a hero of Greek legend who unknowingly slays his father and marries his mother. Sigmund Freud, who conceptualized this psychological process, also believed that Hamlet must have had his own unconscious wish to kill his father, Mahon said.

The founder of psychoanalysis theorized that his uncle's carrying out the very deed Hamlet himself was pondering might have retarded Hamlet's ability to bring him to swift justice.

In his paper, Mahon offers his own version of what Hamlet might have been unconsciously thinking when he made the slip:

"But two months dead! - nay, not so much, not two. I mean to say one, one, one, one. I am the one now, the only one in her (my mother's) life. But she betrayed me for another twice. First with him (my father), now with Claudius (my uncle). But two into one won't go, the awful impossible mathematics of love. But two months dead. I killed him a month before Claudius did."

Slips of the tongue occur when one's unconscious thoughts break into consciousness, Mahon explained. It is part of a phenomenon Freud called "fehlleistung," or faulty function. Translated into English as parapraxis, it includes such everyday mistakes as slips of the tongue, faulty memories and misplaced objects.

Intrigued by Hamlet's slip, which he caught while watching Kenneth Branagh's movie, "Hamlet," Mahon proceeded to check the other 37 of Shakespeare's plays and spotted as many as 20 parapraxes.

In "Julius Caesar," for example, he found a case of faulty memory occurring as Brutus and Cassius squabble after they assassinated Caesar.

"Cassius is angry with Brutus and says something like, `I'm older than you. How dare you talk to me like this.' Later, Brutus accuses him of having said, `You're better than me.' If indeed Brutus has misheard him, what's Shakespeare's aesthetic methodology here? What Shakespeare is really saying is that Brutus has killed an older, better man, namely Caesar. Maybe all smaller, younger people, namely children, kill older, better people in their own Oedipal fantasies of childhood," Mahon said.

"So the subtext of this battle about older-better is the notion that Brutus is guilty of killing an older, better man, Caesar or father perhaps, and it is his unconscious guilt about this that triggers the squabble with Cassius leading to the parapraxis of the faulty memory. I think you can see how the parapraxis, which is seemingly trivial, has multiple, deeper meanings if one is able to ferret them out."

Even though Freudian parapraxes weren't discovered until 100 years ago, Shakespeare was clearly very aware of their psychological significance 400 years ago, Mahon observed.

"What's even more amazing to me is that he then began to use them cleverly, aesthetically in his own depiction of characters," Mahon concluded. "Characters are made even more complex by virtue of these slips of the tongue that they have. When the characters make a slip, they realize it, and that deepens the audience's sense that they are thinking unconsciously."

Spring 1999: Spring Energies: FEARS
Spring energies will bring your greatest challenges to the fore. Please be prepared to face them. FEAR is an illusion instilled in the game to keep humanity trapped. Thus spake Zarathrustra (Z)

FEAR Montauk Experiments
My friend Barbara has been working with Montauk and related projects. I asked her what really went on at Montauk. Barbara Reen Email I am printing her version of what happened at Montauk -- and information related to FEAR.

"There are a number of reasons for the Montauk Project which would take a great time to explain. In capsule form -- 'The Dark' - The controllers of the universe - certain ET Groups - Illuminati - knew that we were moving into the light at a rapid pace and we had been enslaved by them (genetic tampering) since the beginning. Their greatest tool for enslavement has been guilt employed by organized religion - particularly in the form of sexual guilt - works well. Rape developed from a convoluted form of sexual guilt - etc. - I could go on all day.

Our entire planet has been designed by the dark to keep us enslaved from the beginning there is a group at the top that has always been invested - agendas are added and deleted as time goes by - but the program has always been in place.

This is the first time that we as a race are breaking program. Jesus wasn't killed because he said he was the son of god, but because he broke program and said that we were all light beings. If your truly believe that and live that you break program.

In any case back to your question - The Orions and the Leverons played a great role in the Project - using the Nazis. The Nazis didn't mind as they loved the perks-- money, power, and the free perverse sex.

You see most ET's who are into control do believe that there is a Universal Power moving things around but they believe that it is a Universal Mind- not heart - so they rationalize their actions this way develop the mind at any cost.

The greys are just pawns but also involved in the project. The Orions and Leverons were looking to take over our planet.

Over a period of time they planned to mutate us gradually into them-- getting rid of the emotional base and integrating their genius and believe me they are far superior to us in intelligence - assholes that they can be! Did I say that?

The game was total control - and the Nazis and Navy -- our government involvement - didn't really care as they didn't believe in karmic retribution - nor did they think they would succeed.

By the way Kennedy was going to blow this whole thing apart - so was Goldwater. They were playing God and they wanted to control our planet. The environment worked for them. The Orions and Leverons battled deeply for our DNA - still do.

Ellie I can tell you things that they have done that would make your hair stand on end - like the shove in project - where they would kill people and within a short period after their death they would shove their essence into the dead person's body and reactivate them - and are walking around eating at MacDonalds!

All about power - all FEAR based!!

Our involvement in the project - we were also just pawns - sold ourselves out for a pound of flesh and a bag of gold and the illusion that we could also play God - frightened little children - the Jack Pruitts of the world.

They thought that they could get this intense technology which they did get for cooperation with the Orions and Leverons and that by developing their time machine they could beat the ET's at their own game.

That is one of the reasons that they went gack to the time of Christ and tried to get his DNA - to create a race of Christs that they could use in the project and to create an anti-christ as well-no ever figured into this scheme that there is a God.

And that there are other ET races who are in the light and would be looking to assist us and that you can't program Ascended Masters!!!!!! The game is not over. It is in full swing - more than ever!

Ellie, You walked away from a game! 
That's all it really is - anything within the false construct of 
time that we have created is only a game and you have pulled 
out of the game. 

How courageous - 
and smart- 
The games will perish - 
The soul goes on forever!

I am not playing the game.  
Once you realize that it is a game - 
you have a choice to move on or not.

I choose to assist others in seeing that it is a game 
and one of the ways you do this is to dismantle the game.

I am not attached to the outcome.


In Germany you believed the game was real and were invested.
I know it is not and am not invested.  

When one has been enlightened it is only loving to share this with 
others as they are my brothers - as we are all one - as you share 
your initiations on the web in a sense you are doing the same thing - 
redirecting or allowing a path for redirection or change.

 I look at the outcome Ellie, and we are making a difference
- not just talking about it.

Notes from Ellie:  I believe it all to be an illusion--a game, if you will.
Fear, anger, other negative emotions are programmed in!
Let them go along with the people who create them within you.

The other day I read a woman who works in a church.  Her 
church is going through some major changes and may have 
to come down-- pardon the pun!  

She suddenly stopped to pray.  I noticed that her words were no 
different than those used by the metaphysicians I work with daily.

It all goes to the same God--same place!

My client does not walk in Fear. She knows she and her church 
are protected by the Universe and will survive!
This is what I saw in her reading!

Surprisingly she spoke of a New World Order, government 
conspiracies, etc.  I half expected her to speak of ET's and 
UFO's as she lives in Florida and they see lots of UFO's there.

This is a changing world . . 

Hang on to your soul!!
We are in for a bumpy ride!!

I am a soul.
If I have to let go of my physical body . . .
as I have so many times before . . .
I can -- and I will!

Humans Learn Symmetrical Patterns Faster

Washington -September 24, 1998--Reuters

The trait that makes people love harmonious music may help them choose a beautiful face, researchers have reported.

Humans learn symmetrical patterns much faster than asymmetrical ones, said Michael Ryan, a zoologist at the University of Texas and expert on the subject. In humans, the perceptual system is biased toward processing symmetrical signals. Recent studies indicate the perception of beauty might not be subjective at all but instead arises from a bias hard-wired into the sensory system.

Such studies have shown how symmetrical body features, chiefly in the face, are viewed as beautiful, while asymmetrical ones are not. Ryan said another example is research that suggests harmonic rather than discordant music strikes humans as more pleasing because of the way the inner ear works.

Writing in the journal Science, Ryan said a number of studies have indicated that physical traits physically stimulate the senses. That means traditional theories about genetic fitness do not tell the whole story about why animals and humans choose "attractive" mates. The genetic fitness theory holds that pretty traits, such as the elaborate tail on a peacock, signal that the animal is stronger and more fit in other, invisible ways. But Ryan says his studies show this is not necessarily true.

Mate choice is important but it doesn't explain all the factors we find pleasing or beautiful. In a lot of cases, females will prefer more elaborate males but won't get a reproductive advantage. Water mites, which feed by sensing their prey's water-borne vibrations, are an example. Their choice of mates is wholly unrelated to the male's reproductive ability.

The vibrations the males make mimic the vibrations made by copepods, the prey that mites prefer. He said the females are simply already programmed to respond to the vibrations. Any sensory system is going to be more responsive to some stimuli than to others. If males have a variety of options by which to signal their sexual interest, females will favor those who use signals they are already keyed into. But he pointed out his "preferred preferences" theory cannot by itself explain natural selection. Rather, it is a helpful part in a complex puzzle that includes the more traditional theories.