Psychology - Ellie's Articles: Part 2

Psychology - Ellie's Articles: Part 2

This article appeared in the news services - My commentaries are just below the article

Online Sex - Is it Addicting?

BBC News - March 31, 1999

Too much time spent surfing Internet sex sites can damage your mental health, a study has found.

It found that individuals who spend 11 hours or more a week visiting such sites are more prone to psychological difficulties such as sexual compulsivity.

It also noted differences between men and women in how they used the Internet for sex.

While women prefer to use sex chat rooms, men enjoy looking at pictures.

Web survey

The findings come as a result of a questionnaire posted on the MSNBC Web site. It was completed by 13,529 individuals.

Dr Alvin Cooper, who led the study, published his results in the journal Professional Psychology: Research and Practice.

The study sought to determine who was using the Internet for sexual pursuits, where they were going, what they were doing there, and how it was affecting their lives.

He found that while most of those who visit sexually oriented sites without any negative impact, the sites do pose risks for some people.

Those who spend 11 hours or more surfing sex sites show signs of psychological distress and admit that their behaviour interferes with some areas of their lives, it found.

Time spent online for sexual pursuits may be an indicator of other problems that exist in users' lives, or may even create further dependence, according to the study's authors.

Online survey

The study was conducted over a seven-week period during March and April of last year. Its main findings were:

Men are the largest consumers of sexually explicit material on the Internet - male respondents (86%) outnumbered female respondents (14%) by a ratio of six to one. Women favour the use of chat rooms, which offer more interaction and the development of relationships (49% females to 23% males) Men favour visual erotica (50% males to 23% females) Most individuals (64%) were either married (47%) or in a committed relationship (17%) Of the single individuals (36%), half were dating and half were not

The researchers found that time spent online for sexual pursuits was a strong predictor of both sexual compulsivity and distress.

They said that although online sexual compulsivity is a relatively rare condition, 8% of the survey respondents were found to be most at risk.

This compares to the estimated 5% of the general population who are affected by sexual compulsivity.

However, most of those surveyed (92%) spend under 11 hours a week in online sexual pursuits, and half spend less than one hour a week for online sexually-related activities.

Having a laugh

Most people appear to use sexual material on the Internet as a source of entertainment more than for sexual release and reported that online experiences were satisfying but not particularly arousing, the researchers said.

But honesty did suffer - 61% said they occasionally "pretended" about their age while on the Net.

Thirty-eight per cent admitted presenting themselves as a race different than their own.

And three out of four respondents said they were secretive about how much time they spend online for sexual pursuits, although 87% said they felt no guilt or shame about the time they spent online.

Dr Cooper, of the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre, said: "This study provides the first step in understanding the common use of the Internet and can help mental health professionals to develop guidelines to prevent, diagnose, intervene and treat sexual compulsivity and related disorders.

"In addition it may be useful in the identification of other issues that may be going on in users' lives for which they wish to escape by turning to their keyboards."

Comments from Ellie:

I for one do not go into rooms for chat, sex, or anything else - no time  - no interest . . .

But I do have clients and friends who report the following:

  • Anything goes
  • Most people lie about their name - age - sometimes sexual orientation - just about everything
  • Lots of gay rooms
  • You can go into a private room or stay in a group
  • The pictures are really 'hot'
  • Too many very young people involved
  • It IS addictive
  • It can get expensive
  • Men report: It is 'hard' to type with both hands and stay in a sex room It can be better than a video tape Truly safe sex They are not addicted It is harmless, fun, and great fantasy It enables them to play out roles they couldn't in 'real life' - whatever that means
  • Woman report: Partners often enjoy internet sex better than with them This and Viagra are causing many divorces.
  • And so . . .to Click or not to Click . . .that is the question . . . I suppose more 'active research' will been done in this field before we know the truth in this.

    As for meeting soulmates on the internet - not in sex rooms - you can meet wonderful partners but the long term destiny for most of this is not great! It does fill a psychological void for lonely people! If the people are balanced - there can be great growth and friendship.

    But the 'happily ever after . . . well that's another story . . . .

    As to whether or not online sex is psychologically damaging - depends on the time spent online and the importnace placed on the activity. As with all addictions, if you can't stop for a long period of time, then you are addicted and need to seek the underlying causes. Be sure your behavior is not harmful to yourself and others. If so, please seek professional help - and I don't mean a hooker!!

    Things Happen the Way They Are Supposed To
    I am sure we have all heard that expression over and over again especially if you study metaphysics. I feel that expression is grossly overated! It implies that we do not have choices in all situations in our lives. So what does this mean in your life? Does it mean that negative things can not be prevented? Does it mean that most of what we do is a learning lesson? As I have written before-- you attract into your life the learning lessons that you want to work on at that period of your life. It could be about romance, career, etc. You can chose to do nothing and stay home. Was that supposed to happen that way? There is a reason you made the choice not to function at that point in your life! To find out when this will end often involves counseling. Even a good look at your astrology chart can determine when you will change. Suppose you get fired from your job! You ask, "Was that supposed to happen that way?"::cry:::sob::::::! Now let's have a good look at this! You must look at all of the circumstances of your life to see why the job was lost. Often you can't see the answers immediately. It could be to force you to do something you had avoided doing for years-- such as a move, career change, job change, just getting "unstuck"! Yes, the loss of the job will create new lessons. Now--why the new lessons you ask? "I didn't want any more lessons-- creating a resumee, interviews, rejections." Well there are a whole host of lessons you did create and deep down really want. You most likely want out of many old situations. If you get fired or as they say now-a-days "downsized"-- it is your way of forcing needed change. Yes things will happen as they are supposed to, but YOU are creating that reality! Your soul seeks new! New situations bring new friends, co-workers, sometimes lovers! Suppose your future spouse is connected to the change. How would you meet him / her if you didn't change? Your energies will connect with others who are seeking the same lessons at that time. Don't forget to look at your lesson / lessons involved! Is it short term--like a class at school? Is it long term--like parenting? Once you get involved with the lesson you are supposed to see it through. Or else --why bother! Many of us can not do this emotionally anymore. Of course we know the reasons include the physical and frequencies changes on the planet now! We receive our lessons quickly and move on much faster than in the past. Many people are skipping the lessons of marriage and parenting. This is their choice. Many are happy just being with other members of their biological families. I have observed that most people who do not have children have nieces or nephews who act as substitutes. Always remember-- 'Allow" things to flow and happen. But-- remember that you are the one creating that flow!
    Work Related Affaires
    OK! You're back to work and away from the home situations. Are you happy to be back at work today? Yes? Why? Getting a promotion? Getting a raise? Moving your office to a better place? A new job perhaps? Congratulations! "No, Ellie", you say! You are happy to be back to work today because there is someone there you are attracted to or are having an affaire with! I see. And you expect that to go somewhere important in the future? "Yes" you fantasize! Well get a grip!! Most office affaires will end up in disaster often causing the players involved to lose their jobs. Sometimes they end in sexual harassment suits. Sometimes the people at home find out! You say, "I have considered that Ellie and I don't care!! This is the perk that takes me away from the hum-drum of my life and keeps me happy. I look forward to being with that person. I dream about him / her. Makes work bearable. I dress up for that person. Don't think it's just about sex, Ellie. That person understands me better than anyone in my life. That person cares about me in a way I need. If we were free we would be married!" Well all I can say is I do understand why you are involved. This is a great fantasy / flirtation / affaire / friendship. It keeps the right brain busy so the left brain can function. It keeps the heart chakra active--and we all know the planet is about healing and opening the heart chakra! But remember that the chances of anything working out are slim. If either of you are married you are both creating bad karma. No matter what--I know you will continue what you are doing until something "hits the fan". And please do not underestimate your co-workers! They know! One more thing--when this is over please do NOT repeat this lesson. One time should do be enough for anybody!
    The Interim Lover
    You wish to end a bad relationship with a spouse / lover. You have put up with all sorts of abuse and unhappiness but have stayed with that person because:
  • you were afraid to be alone
  • felt comfortable enough to stick it out
  • couldn't imagine --or feel worthy of--a good partner
  • financial or family obligations
  • kept saying you would leave but didn't have the guts to do it!
  • you were waiting for another person to come along first Enter the Interim Lover! Ah! This one is sexy! He / she has everything your partner lacks. The connection is more than you both can stand. You think about this person constantly--even obsessively! You call, email, make plans, have great sex! You see soul connection! You connect with each other's thoughts and energies. You finally leave the bad relationship with plans for a "happily ever after" with the new partner. With all of the "perfect ingredients" you think nothing but blissful thoughts. You never stop to think that the universe has brought this person into your life just to help you get away from the first partner. Suddenly the "bubble is burst"! The fantasy doesn't workout. You try everything you can to get it to work. Perhaps the partner dissappoints you and decides to move in another direction. Perhaps the partner said he /she would leave their partner for you-- then decides that being alone and free is more suited to their needs. Or that person could decide to stay with his / her old partner. "Now what?" you say::::::::sob::::::::sniffle! Well, you drew someone to you to help you be strong enough to leave. This was wrong. You leave because you have to find your personal power and this must be found by you being alone for some time. After a bad relationship one must find out who he / she really is. You are not the same person you were when you first started the initial relationship. So who are you? For sure you are not the extension of the second person. You--and only you alone--can find that person. You wonder about the fantasy about eternal love and romance and whether it will ever find you. Once you are whole you will attract a partner who is also whole not another learning lesson. You may feel alone and sad. Better than giving your personal power away. Now get out there and find it. You could also find your spiritual self in this time as no one will tell you what you can or can't do with your time, money, body, thoughts, goals, other. Oh yes--Please don't go back to the first partner in desperation!
    "Your "Little Voice"
    January 1998 By Zoroaster
    Try to pay more attention to the "little voice" that guides you. When you have to make any decision from now-- no matter how trivial-- pause just a second- think the question in your mind! Then whatever your thoughts-- or reactional base is--listen to it. For example--you are out shopping for groceries. You look over the vegetables! You think, "They are all fresh! Which ones do I need?" You will be drawn right to them! You are at your place of employment. You are not happy here. Is is because this is the uncorrect job? Is it because you would refer not to work at all? You think,"I don't like this job! Can I quit soon?" "OK, show me where to go next! I am not afraid to move on". Now feel your emotions. Are you telling the little voice the truth about wanting the change--or is it just a bunch of words? The little voice responds to your vibrational frequency not exactly your words. So if you are challenging it-- it will get confused and do nothing-- leaving you stuck! The little voice has no fear and will move you to place that is in balance for your current situation and soul growth. You will hear the answer if you take your immediate response. Your little voice doesn't care where you work. It wants you in balance! Now allow it to manifest! Change is difficult for most humans.
    Year 2,000 and Psychological Disorders
    As we reach the end of the millinneum we are going to see many people who are psychologically disturbed come forth with 'Dooms Day' scenarios. Many of these people run cults from their homes or in communal areas where they live with their followers. The 'leader' will follow a specific pattern often referencing the bible. The leader will say that God speaks through / to him. The leader believes that he is one of two witnesses in the book of Revelation, and that he is the Percursor for the end of the world. These prophets of 'Doom and Gloom' will make the mistake of predicting a specific date for the end. When that date comes and passes, and nothing happens, they will spin again and offer some other view of the future. No one has the exact date for the shifting into the next level! There will be many people of this kind coming forth waiting to be heard at this time. They are false prophets. Their information comes from psycholgical disturbances. Many have done drugs or were alcholic for years. They believe what they say. They want to save the world. You can see it in their eyes, and read it in their energies. They can only affect the thinking of the 'lost souls'. Others will tell them that they are crazy. Most of them have had some sort of breakdown in the past even if it is not publically known or they have received no treatment. All will be drop-outs from society. Most want the power and the recognition, and feel it will be theirs one day. This reminds me of many of the psychologically distrubed street people I have seen in Manhattan, for years, who stand there shouting at the world that the "end has come"! You walk by such people and pray that they will find their way. You know they never will. We will hear about them through the media in the months ahead. Let's hope that they do not mislead too many souls, with their own psychological problems, into making stupid decisions because of their belief systems. Believe only in the truths that come from your soul. Let those truths guide you. Stay away from dysfunctional people. Raise your soul to the highest frequency. Avoid people who create drama and love to be argumentative. Try to do a past life regression to see what you did in another lifetime (or are doing in a parallel lifetime) that might help you now. Most of all, go out and 'play' whenever you can, even if it is alone. Don't be a follower. You are a leader of your own destiny!